onward and upward

this is way more difficult than i thought it would be. i hate good byes. even though this isn't really a true good bye... this is a bit more abrupt than i originally wanted. i was going to slowly transition away from this blog, but it's served it's purpose. i find i have nothing left to say here now that i'm maintaining instead of losing. skinnier bitch would only be neglected if i didn't cut it off now. plus i have a thing for jumping journals as i move through life

worry not, friends, i'm not leaving blogging completely. i'm just moving permanently to my 2nd blog: desultory diversions. if you weren't already following me there, you're missing out on some fun shit... or just a lot of bunk ;) now that the semester's ending, i'll actually have time to write some of the posts rolling around in my head. i'll also be popping in to in it to gym it from time to time, and i'll definitely be all over twitter. so this is not really the end

i really truly and deeply want to thank each and every one of you for supporting me, whether you've been with me from the beginning or just recently found me. it's been a crazy two years, but every step of it led me here. you all have been an amazing part of my success from day one. first rule of weight loss: build a positive support network. as i said to a friend, find as many positive voices as you can to drown out the negative nancys, even yourself. all of you found me, and pushed, congratulated and advised me at just the right moments. i'll still be around doing the same for you. i was a cheerleader for three years so i can be pretty fucking loud. you need some extra support just ask... or don't. i'll send sparkles, puppies and smiles anyway ;) [seriously though, if you need help, want advice or just need to vent, email me]

skinnier bitch will continue to live on the internets. i'll probably even download a copy to my computer cause i'm nostalgic. this is not a farewell (how many times can i say that?) so it feels weird to treat this post that way. sooo how about i throw some photos at you and run away? mkay <3

look at those cheeks! (my 25th birthday weekend) pre ww -  april 2009

holy tatas! (fourth of july) 3 months on ww - july 2009

(thanksgiving) 7 months on ww - november 2009

weeding through the wardrobe. 17 months on ww - september 2010

(night after komen 3day ended) 18 months on ww - october 2010

(morning before last weigh in) 24 months on ww - april 2011

relaxed belly

suck it in!

"just woke up (for the 2nd time) smile like you mean it" face ;) post ww

(feel free to chase after me though ;))

hot stove

so it occurred to me that it's been awhile since i've talked about my kitchen forays. here's what i've been nomming the last couple months :)

triple grilled cheese with tomato soup
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i had to check this one twice. i made it so long ago, i forgot i didn't make any changes. go me!

my notes: the sammiches were good; the soup was amazing! i actually made it again sans grilled cheese because it was so easy and delicious. keep in mind though, this is not a points friendly dish. altogether, it's 15 (10 for grilled cheese, five for soup)

chicken parmesan rollatini
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i used two teaspoons dried basil because i don't use basil enough to justify buying fresh. i didn't have toothpics so i didnt' really roll them

my notes: i've never been a fan of chicken parm, but this was pretty good. i bought toothpicks so i'm going to try the rolling next time :) i have a problem getting sauces to thicken though. it was good, just a bit runny (eight points)

penne with vodka sauce
[original recipe]

my adjustments: to drop the points, i only used six ounces of pasta, two ounces of vodka, fat free evaporated milk instead of heavy cream and 1/3c of parm. i also used a can of crushed tomatoes instead of plum tomatoes

my notes: dunno if i did something wrong, if the vodka was crap or if this recipe is no good, but i did not like this. i've never had a vodka sauce so i have nothing to compare it to. i'm kind of hoping someone else tries it and gets better results, which is the only reason i'm sharing it. this wasn't worth the nine points as i made it

slow cooker chicken cacciatore
[original recipe]

my adjustments: no mushrooms, no oregano

my notes: this was SO good. even though deboning the thighs was a horrible experience (i'll be using breast in the future), the whole thing turned out deliciously. my sauce was a bit thicker since it cooked a wee bit longer, but every bite was good, alone and over pasta

tex mex calzones (from heather)
8oz ground turkey
1/2c onion, chopped
1/2c bell pepper, chopped
1/2c tomato, chopped
3/4t ground cumin
1/2t chili powder
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2c salsa verde
3/4c shredded, mexican blend cheese
11 oz pizza dough

preheat oven to 425°F. heat a large skillet over med-high heat. add turkey and brown for about 3 minutes. add next six ingredients. continue to cook until vegetables are tender. remove from heat and stir in the salsa. unroll dough and divide into four pieces. roll out each piece into 6x4 rectangle. spoon about 1/2 cup of the turkey mixture and three tablespoons of cheese onto each piece. fold over and press to seal bake for about 12 minutes or until the dough is done. serve with sour cream and more salsa. you can also add fresh cilantro and jalapenos to the mixture if desired

makes four servings

my adjustments: i used 8oz extra lean ground beef, low fat cheese and eight ounces of dough. i also added some leftover tomato paste when i stirred in the salsa verde. because i used less dough, i ended up making little pizza balls instead of true calzones. but i knocked the points down a peg from nine to eight

my notes: yum yum yum. very filling and very tasty; worth every point :)

baked macs
[ramona's] [weight watchers baked] [weight watchers easy]

my adjustments: i made four versions of ramona's, playing with bread crumbs and chili powder. in the "baked", i dropped the sour cream. in the "easy", i didn't use onion powder or hot sauce. i substituted 2% for skim milk, and i added chili powder. also i baked it after all that

my notes: official, vote? do. not. want. ramona's was the best after i fiddled with it; the other two i'm nixing after almost a week of deliberation. the hunt for non-box mac continues with a couple recipes from doniree :)

things i just made up
quesadillas that became taco bowls: whole wheat tortillas, 1lb extra lean ground beef, 1 diced avocado, 2c chopped onion, 2c sliced zucchini, 3c sliced bell peppers, 1/2c shredded low fat cheese | cook meat. saute veggies, except avocado. heat tortilla on skillet about a minute, flipping once. place tortilla in bowl, top with meat, veggies and cheese | makes four servings at 13 points each. totally worth the points because there's 2.5 veggie servings in each bowl

home fries: 9lb red potatoes, salt, pepper, 1/4c(?) safflower oil | dice and cook the potatoes (boil in salted water). mix the salt and pepper with the safflower oil. toss potatoes in oil. place on baking sheet, and bake at 350°F for 20 minutes. OR cook on stove over medium heat in small batches until crisp (5ish minutes) | i have no clue how many servings it makes lol. i'm still eating it, and i don't eat the same amount each time. though, i can tell you it's six points for one yummy cup

buffalo pizza pockets: 1lb ground buffalo (bison), 1c shallots, 2 cloves garlic, 15oz pizza sauce, 2/3c shredded low fat cheese, 1c grated parmesan, 16oz pizza dough | cook meat and slice veggies. divide dough into eight pieces and roll out. drain meat. then stir in shallots, garlic and sauce. combine shredded cheese and grated parm in a small bowl. top each piece of dough with meat mixture and cheese. fold up edges to create balls (secure with toothpicks if necessary). bake according to dough directions | makes eight servings at 10 points each. i love everything in this so i'm quite please. plus i used up a bunch of stuff before it went bad. double win :)

so who wants to come over for dinner? i promise you a scrumptious treat ;)

1.4 down

i was starting to feel guilty about my decision, but today, right now, as i eat my cheesecake, i feel nothing but happiness. tonight was my last weight watchers meeting. i am 67.8 pounds lighter than i was two years ago. i weigh less than i did when i entered high school (way back in 1998). i'm wearing a size i never in a million years thought i'd wear. i have gained invaluable information about how to treat my body so that it doesn't stage an internal assault. i canNOT fully express how much life has changed because of weight watchers

the guilt? over the last month, i have learned of friends and relatives joining (or rejoining) weight watchers. some of them joined because of me. they saw or someone told them about how well i was doing, which motivated them to make the same commitment. i am so happy for each and every person who decided to get their health under control (weight watchers or not... as long as it's healthy and not secretly anorexia). however, i started to think i was letting them down by "giving up" on weight watchers. i love love love the principles of the program: make smart food choices, get moving and don't deprive yourself of the things you want. i just got too caught up in a silly little number. that number became my entire existence, dictating my mood for the following 24-48 hours. i couldn't continue functioning like that. i just don't want anyone to get a negative impression of weight watchers because of my current experience

i know that leaving now is the right thing for me. when the receptionist said, "you're so close. i can't wait to see you next week". i just smiled and said thanks. when it was time for celebrations, i kept my mouth shut. at the end, i just walked out with mom. no fanfare, no goodbyes. it took so much to get here, but i'm happy that i'm taking the next step. i was looking over some posts from last march today. i was terrified of 130, but excited to be back in a size 12 and dreaming of my corset. i was also going to attempt to complete the wii active 30 day challenge and start cooking more. neither happened at that point though. i'm still dreaming of that corset (gotta work that in the budget), but i'm not even a little ruffled about 130. it's become a power number instead... i've picked out a scale, my nemesis, so that i can keep tracking my weight flux. plus it'll breakdown my muscle and bone density, water content and fat percentage. i'm also probably going to create an account with myfitnesspal to keep tracking my foods. i'm going to do whatever it takes to stay on target. leaving weight watchers does not mean that i'm done. getting healthy is only the first step. now i need to say healthy

and now that twitter has made me cry (twice), i am going to duck out :) thanks so much for all your support, internets. it has meant so incredibly much to me <3

0.4 down

baby steps. baby steps. an interesting thing occurred to me last night. over the course of exactly one year, i dropped exactly 25 pounds. i started keeping track of my weight loss progress separately when i started training for the susan komen 3day last year. i was curious as to how much difference it would make in my weight watchers progress. even after the event ended, i kept track of my fluctuations on my google docs spreadsheet. i updated it with this week's weigh in, thinking "huh 25 pounds" *shrug* then i looked at the note "since 4/20". how bizarre and unlike me not to be paying attention to that :)  that's slightly less than half of my total weight loss (which is back to 66.4 - dropped what i gained last week). also worth noting, the 19th was my two year anniversary with weight watchers. it's been a roller coaster, but i know i'm in a better place than where i started. next week is my last meeting. probably not forever, but definitely for now. whatever happens on wed, i know i've accomplished precisely what i wanted, which is nothing short of awesome

i am more than a number

i love numbers, but i don't need to obsess over these ones. "this isn't about a specific size or weight. this journey is all about uncovering the happy, confident skinny girl inside" found her :) plan now is to keep her

0.4 up

although, it's technically a 1.4 loss from last week so i'm only 0.2 above my personal goal weight. for those of you keeping track. that puts me at 130.2 pounds. had to remind myself last night how good that is. i wrote on the shower wall "you are more than a number" a couple weeks ago, but it still hasn't sunk in. (ps i love my crayola crayons. affirmations in the shower are awesome!)

last week was... not my best. even though the winter challenge ended, i'm still keeping up with those goals. or at least i want to. veggies are a check. cooking is a check. working out was a bust. i put it on my schedule five separate times, too. had to rearrange schedule twice so it got bumped those two times. one i forgot. and the other two i was too stressed by all the work i had to do for grad school that i couldn't find the willpower to even get on the treadmill (i totally could've typed while walking). i think that's the big reason for my little gain. i ate a wee more than usual (stress is my only emotional eating trigger, but 95% of the time i can identify and avoid), and burned less than usual

now my stress is moderately lower, and my schedule is a bit more open. i did my 20 minute workout yesterday morning. i'm going to try to do two one hour workouts this weekend. i've pretty much mapped out my meals for next week, using mostly stuff that's in the pantry. awesomesauce since i cannot let myself go overbudget this month, even for foods. i have my last faux counseling session scheduled for sat, which gives me three weekends to do my transcription. my goal is to finish it early so i can start my reaction paper (for research methods) early. then i can focus on studying for finals for two weeks. hooray for breathing room! i'm hoping that diminishes my stress and desire for slacking... even though we know i am a champion procrastinator :p

not much else to report. next week, i'm attending a noon meeting because neal and i are going to see coheed and cambria (SO excited!). the week after will be my last meeting... well technically, i'm paid through may 19th so i may pop in to annapolis when sally comes back. i miss her... i wonder if i can knock off 2.2 between now and the 27th... it's not as easy as you think. i'm going to try not to get myself worked up about it. i already have enough going on, clearly :)

unofficial 1.8 up

post birthday gain as expected. also my hormones have decided to switch schedule so i would've been up anyway. i weighed in on the wii to gauge the damage, and i decided not to officially weigh in tonight. it felt kind of nice to not have that looming over my head. i had lunch and a snack guilt free. i also got in way more water than i usually do on a wednesday; five whole glasses! guess i was really thirsty ;)

i have no real focus tonight. so how about a list for the rest of this post? excellent!

- i'm about half way through my wardrobe clean out and still not sure what all needs to be replaced. i added two spring sweaters to the bye bye pile yesterday; button downs are up next for inspection. i might hit the mall for the next round of work clothes purchases since i don't know what i want

- though i did get another package of new clothes yesterday. two cardigans, a polo and a tube dress. i picked them up from my parents' today, and i'm thinking i'll wear one of the cardigans tomorrow :) semi professional is professional enough for me currently

- i kinda want to eat some of that leftover mac from the other day. toss in some breadcrumbs and chili powder. delicious! don't worry though. i won't be eating any this late at night...but i make no guarantees about this weekend

- i updated my planner with my new spring fever goals. i also added back in my winter wonderland goals. i think part of my success is to do lists because i love crossing things off. my planner is cramped, but at least i have a set of things to accomplish each day. i also added tasks to my google calendar and blackberry. neurotic and totally necessary

- i'm actually a little sad that i'm not getting my gym membership this month. i could use a good boot camp session right about now. my emotions and thoughts are all over the place, and i think i need to just sweat it out. bikram would also be a good option. if i didn't have this insane class thing to do over the weekend, i would so be there saturday morning

not much else to report. plus my eyes say it's time for bed. guess i should give in :)

this is the week i hit my goal. and i was too focused on weight watchers' bs to realize it. i was too caught up in my plateau fight to notice. i know my body better than they do. i know the BMI is a fucked up system i can happily ignore. i know now that i should've just made an appointment with my doctor to have her sign off on what i know is my healthy weight. so i changed my system goal back to what i've always wanted it to be: 130 pounds of fat, bone and muscle. this is the image i'm going to hold on to:

because this is my happy self. i'm going to finish out april to give myself time to pull what i need from the site. after that, weight watchers and i will no longer be involved formally. i don't need to be a weight watchers lifetime member to prove anything to myself or others. yes, i will miss the meetings and weekly support. but i still have a lot of support from outside of that group. i know i need to pay attention to what and how much goes into my body. i know i need to stay active. i will continue to do so on both fronts. i will also monitor my weight at home on a more regular basis. i'm sure the wii will like all the attention ;) i know we never plan to backslide, but i intend to be as proactive as possible to prevent that situation. planning ahead is my strong suit, and it has always been my key to success

as for this blog, i think i'm going to shut it down at the end of april. i will never delete it, but it's all tied up in my weight watchers journey. i find the need to cut it loose when i cut them. as such, i'll probably post more over at in it to gym it to keep me accountable. and there will definitely be updates at desultory of my cooking adventures. the last two years have taught me a lot, but i think it's time to move on to the next stage

1.2 down

1.8 to go. it's hard to be excited or even angry at this point though. look at this bull:

that highlighted section at the bottom? what. thefuck. is that??? literally, right back where i started a month ago. plateau rages on, and i continue to maintain my true goal weight (130 - i'm 129.8 now). so either, i stop going to weight watchers or find a way to shake off those fucking two pounds. cause i'm not paying past april. i'm taking that $40 a month and putting it towards a gym membership or yoga pass or a new coach clutch. i'm tired of paying for you, fat. you gotta fucking go

week13 #WWW

well friends, this is it. the end of the winter wonderland warriors challenge. did the last few weeks fly by or is it just me? so what the hell happened over the course of this challenge?

goals:

1. eat more fruits and veggies (five servings per day)
2. cook more; use pantry stock
3. work out more, consistently (three times per week)
4. lose last 7.2 pounds; complete six weeks of maintenance
5. keep in touch by writing letters
6. read for fun more
7. blog regularly
8. work harder on grad school
9. stay on budget
10. get back on regular work schedule

assessment: surprisingly, i did quite well! i've found a solution for getting in my fruits and veggies, which also became a part of my cooking more goal. i picked out at least two recipes every week to try. if there wasn't a veggie included, i made sure to add one. i ate a lot of broccoli, peppers and green beans :) i also made a decent dent in the pantry stock; neal even started making quinoa on a regular basis to help out. things are getting a tad better every day :) the letter writing didn't go as well as i liked, but i did try to keep it up with those who wrote back. my budget was also a  bit shaky. i reassessed to make sure all was going smoothly, but i went a little bit over in some areas this month. it all balances out, but next week is going to be tight... reading, working out and blogging were not as consistent as i would have liked. partially because of schedule issues, partially because of motivation issues. i'm still working on both factors... the remaining goals (dropping final 7.2, being a better student, being a better employee) were my worst three. my weight loss has been bouncing all over the place. i don't know what to expect week to week, which is more frustrating than anything else. days i expect to be up, i'm down. days i expect to be down, i'm up. best part? in either direction, it's always more than a pound. i'd be less perturbed if the increments were small, but gaining 2.4 is a kick in the face. i remind you that i used to average net gains of one pound per month before weight watchers. so when i gain one pound in a week, it's a big deal for me. i've been doing better with homework towards the end of the challenge. it helps that i'm working to keep the As i have already earned. can't fuck it up! conversely, the work schedule has tapered off as the challenge wound down. thanks to all kinds of shit and my own laziness, the last three weeks have seen me late more days than not. i think i've fully adjusted, sleepwise, to DST. i just need to find the morning motivation to get out of bed. spring goal: no checking twitter before work? maybe

final question: Do you feel like you had a productive winter? yes :) i realigned my priorities, and got shit done for a change. i really think this challenge was the kick in the ass i've been needing for a lot of things. i am SO excited for the spring fever challenge. i don't know why, but having challenges is always my best motivator. i should probably get on goal setting now... i hope those of you who also participated had a successful 13 weeks. for those who didn't, i hope you had a good regular winter  :)

via we heart it

{i can't wait for it to be warmer so i can enjoy some iced chai lattes}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

[crossposted]

1.0 up

can't catch a break. ironic that this week's discussion topic was about mistakes and setbacks. we mostly focused on mistakes. i, of course, was focused on my setback. i ate way more than i should've over the weekend. i didn't do my sunday workout like i'd planned... add to my sucky mood: one set of achy back muscles, three parts thunderstorms and a pinch of pontential for spring snow in the DMV. shake in airtight container so that contents build up pressure. open lid at own risk

at least i have some fun things to think about as well. i survived bikram yoga. my back ached horribly yesteday; my shoulders are still tight today. however, my knee? the one i kinda fucked up during the komen walk? NO pain. i had some pain/discomfort in my knee and ankle during yoga, but nada since. sooo i may be going back for more. mostly because i think i can work out my knee issues to counteract all the strain i put on it from other activities. also because i think it'd be a great way to sweat out the excess water weight during my period. for anything else, i'm still not a huge yoga person... tonight, i have kickboxing and cooking class. so excited! my joints and muscles will probably hate me again, but i have been dying to take a kickboxing class for AGES. i'm leaving work early just so i have as much time as possible to get there. curse my having to drive through the city on a weekday evening :p luckily, cooking class is right down the street from the gym. afterwards, i'm hightailing it home for the second half of #wwchat. thank god for thursdays. that chat saves my sanity so much :)

the other fun thing on my plate? a mac and cheese challenge. J says some random place has the best baked mac he's ever had. i plan to fix that. first step: buy ramekins for making small batches. second step: ... third step: profit

oh wait... that's my business plan for stealing underpants.....

my requirements: weight watchers friendly, no gross filler (eg cauliflower - i won't eat albino broccoli!). J's requirements: delicious... well he may have other stipulations, but so far his main goal is yum. i can't really argue with that though :) who wants to eat low fat, fiber filled baked ick? not i, said the pig. so the hunt is on for baked mac recipes. if you'd like to contribute, i am not opposed to stealingutilizing your great granny's secret recipe from the old country. feel free to leave a comment, shoot me an email or link me on twitter. it's an amusing undertaking since i've never attempted to make the best anything. i'm oddly looking forward to it :) i may even add this challenge as one of my spring fever goals...