1.0 up

the weight watchers scale says i gained a pound since last week... the wii balance board says i've lost over three pounds since tuesday night... which do i trust?

eh, don't care. i had a moment this morning... occasionally, i stare at myself in the mirror, before or after a shower, just because. sometimes i glare at my flaws, sometimes i admire little bits, sometimes i'm just looking for signs of my lady beard. well today, i was stretching in the bathroom to wake myself up a bit. i just happened to be standing so that my profile was reflected in the mirror, and i noticed something...

my tummy is flatter. when the fuck did that happen?!

if you can't tell, i was extremely surprised by this because i don't see it happening. i live with this body every day so the subtle changes go unnoticed. i have to rely on the way my clothes fit and comments from people i see rarely. no offense to the people who see me regularly, but in my head, you see what i see and the subtle isn't obvious. if i point something out, N's always the first one to shower me with praise (and jealousy) because we live together. but i'm seeing my girls this weekend, and i'm more excited to hear what they have to say. it's just one of those things... N and i talk about this issue all the time, and i always say that the image in his head, of himself, is not what i see. he says basically the same thing to me; i don't think either of us really believes it though. we identify ourselves as those cake loving fat kids from high school no matter how our weight changes. so while the numbers get *fingers crossed* smaller, my self image is still rather rotund

sometimes i think about taking actual measurements of my "problem" areas, but that would be a little overwhelming for me. i'm just not one of those people. i might take occasional (read: biannual) measurements, but not really to track. it'd be more like "huh look at this interesting bit of info"... today's little moment is definitely a motivator to keep at it. i'm 20 pounds away from my goal and devising a plan to get there

i also wanted to note something, little blog. i've reached a few milestones this week, and another one is coming up. i joined weight watchers on april 19th, i attended my first meeting as a member on april 22nd, and i started this blog on may 18th. it all kind of snuck up on me so i don't have anything special planned for my anniversary(ies). sorry, folks, no giveaways here ;). i don't even have a take home snippet to this post... at least not one that's oprah-level motivation... i've lost 41.4 pounds in 52 weeks. it's taken a lot to get here, and i have to remind myself constantly that i can keep doing it. moments like this make it easier, and i know that i can make it to the end regardless of how long it takes me