after reading this post, i'm feeling a bit more positive about my body today. this week has been very lax. i worked out wed... and not a day since. oops

i've just not been in the mood (crabby, tired, etc) or not home. saturday was my baby brother's birthday. i call him my baby brother because if i say my 23 year old brother, i feel like an old lady. we went out for dinner (brian boru again cause we love them); i had a spinach salad with a crab cake and fries with vinegar. i scratched the fried potato itch while sharing with mom and the boy. plus mom got cupcakes instead of cake cake, which were yummy and slightly less point stealing. i managed not to over do it too much until mom whipped out the popcorn. thank god she got the butterless kind, which were about half the points as its more delicious counterpart

sunday was the first cookout. i can't tell you how excited i was; grilling is probably my most loved aspect of the summer. mom made burgers, sausages, hot dogs and fruit salad. no grilled veggies this time round, but i'll make sure we get some next time. i had a sausage and two burgers with chips and fruit salad. i hadn't eaten much earlier in the day (wasn't really hungry for breakfast) so the day wasn't as bad as it could've been. yesterday, i was right on target, and i should be again today...

i had all the best intentions to work out to counterbalance the additional eating. obviously, i did not follow through. i haven't even done my komen training this week :( i don't know where this inconsistency came from... actually, i don't know where my motivation went. i was rocking the regular workouts last fall, but i've been behind the curve all spring. N even bought a treadmill so we could walk at home when it's gross outside or super late/early in the day. we've yet to set it up. it requires two people, and i haven't felt up to doing it when i'm at home. i know i won't want to do it today either. i'm still grouchy, achy and tired. tonight's agenda includes eating soup and drinking tea (maybe wine) while reading a book. that is all. i just need it

but seriously. i'm feeling less crappy/guilty about not working out this week because it's not all about changing the numbers. i'm changing how i think about my body, food and weight loss. my life is not dictated by the scale. i have a goal weight, but it's not the only goal. people keep asking me if i feel different (in terms of physical health and such). the answer: no. my body feels the same it always did; my health is the same as it always was. i don't have more energy, i don't sleep better and i don't have reduced cravings. however, my mentality has changed. those little perks boost me a little bit more than the numbers on the scale. on good days, i'm more confident and (almost) peppy. i rarely have that urge to completely give up because i've sabotaged myself again. i'm genuinely happy that i'm doing this, and i believe that i can reach my grand goal of being a skinny fucking bitch

;)