those people

everyone has a trick when they're losing weight. specific weigh in timing. specific outfits. making sure to hit the bathroom a few minutes before... whatever it is, people are always trying to fool the scale

i suddenly realized that i am one of those people. what the hell? when did that happen??? when i first started weight watchers, i would stroll (drive) over to whole foods to get dinner. salt and pepper cod over spinach? chorizo and plantains in corn tortilla? simple lettuce, tomato and balsamic? didn't matter. i bought it and ate it in the parking lot before meetings. i didn't want to be talking about food on an empty stomach. that's just cruel

and then my schedule shifted slightly. i came in a little later so i left a little later. didn't really leave time to buy and eat something from the salad bar. i also decided that a $6/lb salad (oh how i miss happy hour at the salad bar) could not be a weekly occurrence for the budget. add in trips with mom post weight watchers meeting. we'd get groceries (or i'd just walk around with her since i'd already gone on tuesday) and talk. sometimes i'd grab food from the bar; sometimes i wouldn't. slowly but surely, i stopped pre meeting eating

and then i stopped drinking my water. i try to have at least two glasses (one water bottle full) every day before i leave the office. except on wednesdays. i have my one glass before leaving home a) to take my pill and b) cause i just worked out. then i'm done until after weigh in. sometimes i bring water with me; sometimes i forget to fill up before rolling out of the office. and even though i barely have any liquid through the day, i always make sure to pee before i leave the office. it takes me about 30min to get to the columbia meeting. don't ask me why, but that potty break and time lag are important to my weigh in process

and then i stopped eating lunch. also a schedule issue. because wednesdays are my late day, i was getting to the office anywhere between 10 and 12 (see why i need to get back on an appropriate schedule?), depending on when i made myself get out of bed and what i did. naturally, i was eating later in the morning, which meant i wasn't always hungry at "lunch time". so i stopped bringing food i didn't think i'd eat. sometimes i'd have a snack (3 musketeer anyone?), but never a real lunch

i also have a process if i just weigh in at home. post potty, post workout and pre breakfast. in the same exact outfit, every time. this was mostly about convenience. before i became the worst employee ever, i kept my mornings structured. every day except wednesday: potty, put on workout clothes, load wii fit, think about/start breakfast (during the winter i ate a LOT of oatmeal and grits - cooked on the stove as intended :p), weigh in, breakfast. wednesday: potty, workout clothes, work it out, get water, start breakfast (usually including two eggs), weigh in, chow down while watching morning joe. one day, i actually weighed myself three or four times just for giggles. i lost ~0.7 pounds between pre and post workout (40ish minutes after finishing). that was a great motivator to keep working out before hitting the scale. nowadays i barely remember to even look at the wii :p if i do hop on the balance board, trust that i will have already gone through the appropriate sequence for that day...

it hit me a couple weeks ago that i really had become one of those people. i don't like cheating the system; i'm just cheating myself. i shouldn't have to play these dumb ass games to get the scale to say what i want. i shouldn't care what the fucking scale says at all!

and yet. i so fucking do. goddamn that scale and its power over me. i'm sitting here now, feeling crappy and wanting to just lie down. i know i'm only hungry sooner cause i didn't have a protein after working out [ps i'm drafting this wednesday. it's thursday now, and i have not died of malnurishment]. i'm restarting my eating like a normal ass person though. last week, i had a small lunch, which may have contributed to the dismal performance on the scale. at the same time, i liked not being super hungry during the meeting. i'm hoping to work my way back up to a pre meeting snack. since i've been cooking in advance, i don't have as much of a need to pick up dinner en route. bank and belly can both be happy i think

yes, i still crossed every crossable part of my body in hopes that i miraculously dropped five pounds this week so i can still make goal. however, i'm less grouchy/hormonal about how last week went. i'm shrugging off this week's 0.4 loss (don't be bitter; just be better) because i have much bigger things to be concerned with this week