1.4 down

i was starting to feel guilty about my decision, but today, right now, as i eat my cheesecake, i feel nothing but happiness. tonight was my last weight watchers meeting. i am 67.8 pounds lighter than i was two years ago. i weigh less than i did when i entered high school (way back in 1998). i'm wearing a size i never in a million years thought i'd wear. i have gained invaluable information about how to treat my body so that it doesn't stage an internal assault. i canNOT fully express how much life has changed because of weight watchers

the guilt? over the last month, i have learned of friends and relatives joining (or rejoining) weight watchers. some of them joined because of me. they saw or someone told them about how well i was doing, which motivated them to make the same commitment. i am so happy for each and every person who decided to get their health under control (weight watchers or not... as long as it's healthy and not secretly anorexia). however, i started to think i was letting them down by "giving up" on weight watchers. i love love love the principles of the program: make smart food choices, get moving and don't deprive yourself of the things you want. i just got too caught up in a silly little number. that number became my entire existence, dictating my mood for the following 24-48 hours. i couldn't continue functioning like that. i just don't want anyone to get a negative impression of weight watchers because of my current experience

i know that leaving now is the right thing for me. when the receptionist said, "you're so close. i can't wait to see you next week". i just smiled and said thanks. when it was time for celebrations, i kept my mouth shut. at the end, i just walked out with mom. no fanfare, no goodbyes. it took so much to get here, but i'm happy that i'm taking the next step. i was looking over some posts from last march today. i was terrified of 130, but excited to be back in a size 12 and dreaming of my corset. i was also going to attempt to complete the wii active 30 day challenge and start cooking more. neither happened at that point though. i'm still dreaming of that corset (gotta work that in the budget), but i'm not even a little ruffled about 130. it's become a power number instead... i've picked out a scale, my nemesis, so that i can keep tracking my weight flux. plus it'll breakdown my muscle and bone density, water content and fat percentage. i'm also probably going to create an account with myfitnesspal to keep tracking my foods. i'm going to do whatever it takes to stay on target. leaving weight watchers does not mean that i'm done. getting healthy is only the first step. now i need to say healthy

and now that twitter has made me cry (twice), i am going to duck out :) thanks so much for all your support, internets. it has meant so incredibly much to me <3