1.6 up

i'm ashamed of this week. i should be celebrating being closer to goal (or even at goal). instead, i am 3.4 away again. *sigh* i know it's partially because i didn't get in my morning workout so my whole day was off. (had to shift my work day for a class assignment) then i ate way more at lunch than i should have (peanut butter addict right here). plus i didn't pee before weighing in. i probably would've been up anyway, but it wouldn't have been as bad had i done my regular thing. yesterday was mostly crap (i was cramping most of the day; that hippie cramp tea is no match for my uterus), but my session went better than expected. side bar: not looking forward to the transcription though. that's on the menu for tonight. boo... i was in a good mood for the first time all day, got to my meeting early and ... *sigh* not giving up, just feeling set back

one of the things that got me riled up yesterday (besides my uterus) was this article from the new york times: diet plan with hcg. this disgusts me to no end. these snooty, rich bitches are cheating themselves while perpetuating terrible ideals of beauty and weight. and these doctors are swindling those misguided women at a ridiculous rate. "experience is in their favor, even if the research is not." SERIOUSLY! there is a reason we freaking have science - to disprove things we wonder about. science really is not in the business of proving things. science gathers evidence to show that shit isn't true or that shit might be true until we get new and better information. i know some people don't like that, but too fucking bad. that's how the system works. part of me wants to shake these women and scream at them for throwing thousands of dollars at a placebo while starving themselves. to tell them how fabulous they look at the weight they are, contrary to what they think. but their brains are so starved for nutrients, i don't think they would be able to make sense of my words. the other part of me, the cynic, thinks they deserve to be duped. you wanna believe in a quick fix, fine. don't come whining to me when you gain back double what you lost injecting pregnant lady pee into your ass

*deep breath* it's not they're fault. it's these "doctors" who take advantage of our weaknesses. who recommend shit that they know has no scientific merit. who are supposed to be experts in their fields. if we can't trust them, who are we to trust? i would say trust yourself, but sometimes your self is also lying to you. when the scale reads too high (or too low), you may need a nutritionist and/or a personal trainer. when the person in the mirror makes you cringe, you may need a therapist. that's really your call* only you can know what you need. even when our judgment is cloudy, we know what we need to change way deep down in the bottom of ourselves. we just need to listen to that little inner voice of truth, not the voice shouting that we aren't good enough, strong enough or pretty enough. and trust me, at no point will your need ever include injecting drugs to help you lose weight

*i encourage EVERYONE to see a counselor from time to time to help deal with life stress. at the very least, talk about your emotions with those you trust; don't run/hide from your own feelings. i also encourage anyone struggling with weight to seek out support from a person or program that teaches and guides you, not just gives you a set of impossibly strict rules to follow on your own. you know what they say about teaching men to fish...