unofficial 1.1 down

my brain is so very hurty. i did have a big bowl of cereal for dinner last night. and then i had a glass of wine. ugh apparently, that was a bad idea. i have a wine headache, and i'm exhausted. granted the exhaustion could also be from staying up to watch the entirety of the steelers patriots game (what was that you were saying sarah? ;)) and having a heart to heart with N. tonight's going to be another long one because N and i are seeing kate nash in DC. i'm excited, but i'm also hoping my headache is gone by then. i can't take over the counter pain meds so i just have to ride it out. there's a chance i might duck out of the office early to take a nap... in the meantime, today's meals

breakfast (5 points): fiber one cereal with skim milk, water

lunch (7.5 points): pizza, chicken soup, water (2), 3 musketeer

dinner: undecided as we'll be out

and a bit of commentary. i've been reading some very interesting posts this morning. chad says eat real things like usual. but these are real things that i really like :) apparently, broccoli is good for staving off lung cancer. considering i live in one of the worst areas (in terms of air pollution) that makes me feel pretty damn good. a good friend of mine and i were kinda talking about it on saturday. she has lung issues and can't wait to move out of maryland. i will miss her, but i'll have double the reason to visit arizona in a couple years :) heather was also talking about eating, encouraging people to eat slower. it was one of the topics we touched on in saturday's weight watchers meeting so i was already thinking about that. i've always been a slow eater, which also led to my undereating. nowadays, i eat slowly because i talk too damn much :) in the meeting, we discussed strategies for successfully getting through turkey day. mine is to keep up conversation. a) i'll be less likely to overeat b) people will be less likely to notice how much i'm actually consuming c) it's just fun talking with N's family. N's family aren't really food pushers, but i sometimes feel guilty cause his mom makes SO MUCH. we'll definitely take leftovers though :)

another interesting post, which has nothing to do with weight, came from emily. she is facing her fears, embracing her awesome and joined a glee club. i know she'll rock it, and i wish i could go see their big performance in the spring. i'll definitely be there in spirit cheering her on. now what the hell does that have to do with my quest for my inner skinny self? well, that's my fear. that i'm going to put in all this work, and it won't be worth it. that the only thing on the inside is another fat self, eating everything deep fried and wrapped in bacon. i never really thought of it as a fear, but i truly think my reasons for ignoring my body were driven by fear. i used to have reoccurring dreams starring a thin me, but deep down i don't think i believed she really existed. i still don't know if she does... but i do. i've shed almost 60 motherfucking pounds. i am my skinnier self, and i am happier with my body. i know it's going to be a struggle working off the last pounds and maintaining my new weight. however, i'm more ready for the challenge than i was in the past. this is me facing my negative, scared self and saying "neener, bitch"