Skinnier Bitch

onward and upward

2011-04-30T11:11:00.000-04:00

this is way more difficult than i thought it would be. i hate good byes. even though this isn't really a true good bye... this is a bit more abrupt than i originally wanted. i was going to slowly transition away from this blog, but it's served it's purpose. i find i have nothing left to say here now that i'm maintaining instead of losing. skinnier bitch would only be neglected if i didn't cut it off now. plus i have a thing for jumping journals as i move through life

worry not, friends, i'm not leaving blogging completely. i'm just moving permanently to my 2nd blog: desultory diversions. if you weren't already following me there, you're missing out on some fun shit... or just a lot of bunk ;) now that the semester's ending, i'll actually have time to write some of the posts rolling around in my head. i'll also be popping in to in it to gym it from time to time, and i'll definitely be all over twitter. so this is not really the end

i really truly and deeply want to thank each and every one of you for supporting me, whether you've been with me from the beginning or just recently found me. it's been a crazy two years, but every step of it led me here. you all have been an amazing part of my success from day one. first rule of weight loss: build a positive support network. as i said to a friend, find as many positive voices as you can to drown out the negative nancys, even yourself. all of you found me, and pushed, congratulated and advised me at just the right moments. i'll still be around doing the same for you. i was a cheerleader for three years so i can be pretty fucking loud. you need some extra support just ask... or don't. i'll send sparkles, puppies and smiles anyway ;) [seriously though, if you need help, want advice or just need to vent, email me]

skinnier bitch will continue to live on the internets. i'll probably even download a copy to my computer cause i'm nostalgic. this is not a farewell (how many times can i say that?) so it feels weird to treat this post that way. sooo how about i throw some photos at you and run away? mkay <3

look at those cheeks! (my 25th birthday weekend) pre ww - april 2009

holy tatas! (fourth of july) 3 months on ww - july 2009

(thanksgiving) 7 months on ww - november 2009

weeding through the wardrobe. 17 months on ww - september 2010

(night after komen 3day ended) 18 months on ww - october 2010

(morning before last weigh in) 24 months on ww - april 2011

relaxed belly

suck it in!

"just woke up (for the 2nd time) smile like you mean it" face ;) post ww

(feel free to chase after me though ;))

hot stove

2011-04-29T13:40:00.003-04:00

so it occurred to me that it's been awhile since i've talked about my kitchen forays. here's what i've been nomming the last couple months :)

triple grilled cheese with tomato soup
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i had to check this one twice. i made it so long ago, i forgot i didn't make any changes. go me!

my notes: the sammiches were good; the soup was amazing! i actually made it again sans grilled cheese because it was so easy and delicious. keep in mind though, this is not a points friendly dish. altogether, it's 15 (10 for grilled cheese, five for soup)

chicken parmesan rollatini
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i used two teaspoons dried basil because i don't use basil enough to justify buying fresh. i didn't have toothpics so i didnt' really roll them

my notes: i've never been a fan of chicken parm, but this was pretty good. i bought toothpicks so i'm going to try the rolling next time :) i have a problem getting sauces to thicken though. it was good, just a bit runny (eight points)

penne with vodka sauce
[original recipe]

my adjustments: to drop the points, i only used six ounces of pasta, two ounces of vodka, fat free evaporated milk instead of heavy cream and 1/3c of parm. i also used a can of crushed tomatoes instead of plum tomatoes

my notes: dunno if i did something wrong, if the vodka was crap or if this recipe is no good, but i did not like this. i've never had a vodka sauce so i have nothing to compare it to. i'm kind of hoping someone else tries it and gets better results, which is the only reason i'm sharing it. this wasn't worth the nine points as i made it

slow cooker chicken cacciatore
[original recipe]

my adjustments: no mushrooms, no oregano

my notes: this was SO good. even though deboning the thighs was a horrible experience (i'll be using breast in the future), the whole thing turned out deliciously. my sauce was a bit thicker since it cooked a wee bit longer, but every bite was good, alone and over pasta

tex mex calzones (from heather)
8oz ground turkey
1/2c onion, chopped
1/2c bell pepper, chopped
1/2c tomato, chopped
3/4t ground cumin
1/2t chili powder
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2c salsa verde
3/4c shredded, mexican blend cheese
11 oz pizza dough

preheat oven to 425°F. heat a large skillet over med-high heat. add turkey and brown for about 3 minutes. add next six ingredients. continue to cook until vegetables are tender. remove from heat and stir in the salsa. unroll dough and divide into four pieces. roll out each piece into 6x4 rectangle. spoon about 1/2 cup of the turkey mixture and three tablespoons of cheese onto each piece. fold over and press to seal bake for about 12 minutes or until the dough is done. serve with sour cream and more salsa. you can also add fresh cilantro and jalapenos to the mixture if desired

makes four servings

my adjustments: i used 8oz extra lean ground beef, low fat cheese and eight ounces of dough. i also added some leftover tomato paste when i stirred in the salsa verde. because i used less dough, i ended up making little pizza balls instead of true calzones. but i knocked the points down a peg from nine to eight

my notes: yum yum yum. very filling and very tasty; worth every point :)

baked macs
[ramona's] [weight watchers baked] [weight watchers easy]

my adjustments: i made four versions of ramona's, playing with bread crumbs and chili powder. in the "baked", i dropped the sour cream. in the "easy", i didn't use onion powder or hot sauce. i substituted 2% for skim milk, and i added chili powder. also i baked it after all that

my notes: official, vote? do. not. want. ramona's was the best after i fiddled with it; the other two i'm nixing after almost a week of deliberation. the hunt for non-box mac continues with a couple recipes from doniree :)

things i just made up
quesadillas that became taco bowls: whole wheat tortillas, 1lb extra lean ground beef, 1 diced avocado, 2c chopped onion, 2c sliced zucchini, 3c sliced bell peppers, 1/2c shredded low fat cheese | cook meat. saute veggies, except avocado. heat tortilla on skillet about a minute, flipping once. place tortilla in bowl, top with meat, veggies and cheese | makes four servings at 13 points each. totally worth the points because there's 2.5 veggie servings in each bowl

home fries: 9lb red potatoes, salt, pepper, 1/4c(?) safflower oil | dice and cook the potatoes (boil in salted water). mix the salt and pepper with the safflower oil. toss potatoes in oil. place on baking sheet, and bake at 350°F for 20 minutes. OR cook on stove over medium heat in small batches until crisp (5ish minutes) | i have no clue how many servings it makes lol. i'm still eating it, and i don't eat the same amount each time. though, i can tell you it's six points for one yummy cup

buffalo pizza pockets: 1lb ground buffalo (bison), 1c shallots, 2 cloves garlic, 15oz pizza sauce, 2/3c shredded low fat cheese, 1c grated parmesan, 16oz pizza dough | cook meat and slice veggies. divide dough into eight pieces and roll out. drain meat. then stir in shallots, garlic and sauce. combine shredded cheese and grated parm in a small bowl. top each piece of dough with meat mixture and cheese. fold up edges to create balls (secure with toothpicks if necessary). bake according to dough directions | makes eight servings at 10 points each. i love everything in this so i'm quite please. plus i used up a bunch of stuff before it went bad. double win :)

so who wants to come over for dinner? i promise you a scrumptious treat ;)

1.4 down

2011-04-27T22:34:00.000-04:00

i was starting to feel guilty about my decision, but today, right now, as i eat my cheesecake, i feel nothing but happiness. tonight was my last weight watchers meeting. i am 67.8 pounds lighter than i was two years ago. i weigh less than i did when i entered high school (way back in 1998). i'm wearing a size i never in a million years thought i'd wear. i have gained invaluable information about how to treat my body so that it doesn't stage an internal assault. i canNOT fully express how much life has changed because of weight watchers

the guilt? over the last month, i have learned of friends and relatives joining (or rejoining) weight watchers. some of them joined because of me. they saw or someone told them about how well i was doing, which motivated them to make the same commitment. i am so happy for each and every person who decided to get their health under control (weight watchers or not... as long as it's healthy and not secretly anorexia). however, i started to think i was letting them down by "giving up" on weight watchers. i love love love the principles of the program: make smart food choices, get moving and don't deprive yourself of the things you want. i just got too caught up in a silly little number. that number became my entire existence, dictating my mood for the following 24-48 hours. i couldn't continue functioning like that. i just don't want anyone to get a negative impression of weight watchers because of my current experience

i know that leaving now is the right thing for me. when the receptionist said, "you're so close. i can't wait to see you next week". i just smiled and said thanks. when it was time for celebrations, i kept my mouth shut. at the end, i just walked out with mom. no fanfare, no goodbyes. it took so much to get here, but i'm happy that i'm taking the next step. i was looking over some posts from last march today. i was terrified of 130, but excited to be back in a size 12 and dreaming of my corset. i was also going to attempt to complete the wii active 30 day challenge and start cooking more. neither happened at that point though. i'm still dreaming of that corset (gotta work that in the budget), but i'm not even a little ruffled about 130. it's become a power number instead... i've picked out a scale, my nemesis, so that i can keep tracking my weight flux. plus it'll breakdown my muscle and bone density, water content and fat percentage. i'm also probably going to create an account with myfitnesspal to keep tracking my foods. i'm going to do whatever it takes to stay on target. leaving weight watchers does not mean that i'm done. getting healthy is only the first step. now i need to say healthy

and now that twitter has made me cry (twice), i am going to duck out :) thanks so much for all your support, internets. it has meant so incredibly much to me <3

0.4 down

2011-04-21T10:07:00.000-04:00

baby steps. baby steps. an interesting thing occurred to me last night. over the course of exactly one year, i dropped exactly 25 pounds. i started keeping track of my weight loss progress separately when i started training for the susan komen 3day last year. i was curious as to how much difference it would make in my weight watchers progress. even after the event ended, i kept track of my fluctuations on my google docs spreadsheet. i updated it with this week's weigh in, thinking "huh 25 pounds" *shrug* then i looked at the note "since 4/20". how bizarre and unlike me not to be paying attention to that :) that's slightly less than half of my total weight loss (which is back to 66.4 - dropped what i gained last week). also worth noting, the 19th was my two year anniversary with weight watchers. it's been a roller coaster, but i know i'm in a better place than where i started. next week is my last meeting. probably not forever, but definitely for now. whatever happens on wed, i know i've accomplished precisely what i wanted, which is nothing short of awesome

i am more than a number

i love numbers, but i don't need to obsess over these ones. "this isn't about a specific size or weight. this journey is all about uncovering the happy, confident skinny girl inside" found her :) plan now is to keep her

0.4 up

2011-04-14T16:37:00.000-04:00

although, it's technically a 1.4 loss from last week so i'm only 0.2 above my personal goal weight. for those of you keeping track. that puts me at 130.2 pounds. had to remind myself last night how good that is. i wrote on the shower wall "you are more than a number" a couple weeks ago, but it still hasn't sunk in. (ps i love my crayola crayons. affirmations in the shower are awesome!)

last week was... not my best. even though the winter challenge ended, i'm still keeping up with those goals. or at least i want to. veggies are a check. cooking is a check. working out was a bust. i put it on my schedule five separate times, too. had to rearrange schedule twice so it got bumped those two times. one i forgot. and the other two i was too stressed by all the work i had to do for grad school that i couldn't find the willpower to even get on the treadmill (i totally could've typed while walking). i think that's the big reason for my little gain. i ate a wee more than usual (stress is my only emotional eating trigger, but 95% of the time i can identify and avoid), and burned less than usual

now my stress is moderately lower, and my schedule is a bit more open. i did my 20 minute workout yesterday morning. i'm going to try to do two one hour workouts this weekend. i've pretty much mapped out my meals for next week, using mostly stuff that's in the pantry. awesomesauce since i cannot let myself go overbudget this month, even for foods. i have my last faux counseling session scheduled for sat, which gives me three weekends to do my transcription. my goal is to finish it early so i can start my reaction paper (for research methods) early. then i can focus on studying for finals for two weeks. hooray for breathing room! i'm hoping that diminishes my stress and desire for slacking... even though we know i am a champion procrastinator :p

not much else to report. next week, i'm attending a noon meeting because neal and i are going to see coheed and cambria (SO excited!). the week after will be my last meeting... well technically, i'm paid through may 19th so i may pop in to annapolis when sally comes back. i miss her... i wonder if i can knock off 2.2 between now and the 27th... it's not as easy as you think. i'm going to try not to get myself worked up about it. i already have enough going on, clearly :)

unofficial 1.8 up

2011-04-07T00:31:00.001-04:00

post birthday gain as expected. also my hormones have decided to switch schedule so i would've been up anyway. i weighed in on the wii to gauge the damage, and i decided not to officially weigh in tonight. it felt kind of nice to not have that looming over my head. i had lunch and a snack guilt free. i also got in way more water than i usually do on a wednesday; five whole glasses! guess i was really thirsty ;)

i have no real focus tonight. so how about a list for the rest of this post? excellent!

- i'm about half way through my wardrobe clean out and still not sure what all needs to be replaced. i added two spring sweaters to the bye bye pile yesterday; button downs are up next for inspection. i might hit the mall for the next round of work clothes purchases since i don't know what i want

- though i did get another package of new clothes yesterday. two cardigans, a polo and a tube dress. i picked them up from my parents' today, and i'm thinking i'll wear one of the cardigans tomorrow :) semi professional is professional enough for me currently

- i kinda want to eat some of that leftover mac from the other day. toss in some breadcrumbs and chili powder. delicious! don't worry though. i won't be eating any this late at night...but i make no guarantees about this weekend

- i updated my planner with my new spring fever goals. i also added back in my winter wonderland goals. i think part of my success is to do lists because i love crossing things off. my planner is cramped, but at least i have a set of things to accomplish each day. i also added tasks to my google calendar and blackberry. neurotic and totally necessary

- i'm actually a little sad that i'm not getting my gym membership this month. i could use a good boot camp session right about now. my emotions and thoughts are all over the place, and i think i need to just sweat it out. bikram would also be a good option. if i didn't have this insane class thing to do over the weekend, i would so be there saturday morning

not much else to report. plus my eyes say it's time for bed. guess i should give in :)

2011-04-04T10:39:00.001-04:00

this is the week i hit my goal. and i was too focused on weight watchers' bs to realize it. i was too caught up in my plateau fight to notice. i know my body better than they do. i know the BMI is a fucked up system i can happily ignore. i know now that i should've just made an appointment with my doctor to have her sign off on what i know is my healthy weight. so i changed my system goal back to what i've always wanted it to be: 130 pounds of fat, bone and muscle. this is the image i'm going to hold on to:

because this is my happy self. i'm going to finish out april to give myself time to pull what i need from the site. after that, weight watchers and i will no longer be involved formally. i don't need to be a weight watchers lifetime member to prove anything to myself or others. yes, i will miss the meetings and weekly support. but i still have a lot of support from outside of that group. i know i need to pay attention to what and how much goes into my body. i know i need to stay active. i will continue to do so on both fronts. i will also monitor my weight at home on a more regular basis. i'm sure the wii will like all the attention ;) i know we never plan to backslide, but i intend to be as proactive as possible to prevent that situation. planning ahead is my strong suit, and it has always been my key to success

as for this blog, i think i'm going to shut it down at the end of april. i will never delete it, but it's all tied up in my weight watchers journey. i find the need to cut it loose when i cut them. as such, i'll probably post more over at in it to gym it to keep me accountable. and there will definitely be updates at desultory of my cooking adventures. the last two years have taught me a lot, but i think it's time to move on to the next stage

1.2 down

2011-03-30T21:57:00.000-04:00

1.8 to go. it's hard to be excited or even angry at this point though. look at this bull:

that highlighted section at the bottom? what. thefuck. is that??? literally, right back where i started a month ago. plateau rages on, and i continue to maintain my true goal weight (130 - i'm 129.8 now). so either, i stop going to weight watchers or find a way to shake off those fucking two pounds. cause i'm not paying past april. i'm taking that $40 a month and putting it towards a gym membership or yoga pass or a new coach clutch. i'm tired of paying for you, fat. you gotta fucking go

week13 #WWW

2011-03-28T10:57:00.113-04:00

well friends, this is it. the end of the winter wonderland warriors challenge. did the last few weeks fly by or is it just me? so what the hell happened over the course of this challenge?

goals:

eat more fruits and veggies (five servings per day)
cook more; use pantry stock
work out more, consistently (three times per week)
lose last 7.2 pounds; complete six weeks of maintenance
keep in touch by writing letters
read for fun more
blog regularly
work harder on grad school
stay on budget
get back on regular work schedule

assessment: surprisingly, i did quite well! i've found a solution for getting in my fruits and veggies, which also became a part of my cooking more goal. i picked out at least two recipes every week to try. if there wasn't a veggie included, i made sure to add one. i ate a lot of broccoli, peppers and green beans :) i also made a decent dent in the pantry stock; neal even started making quinoa on a regular basis to help out. things are getting a tad better every day :) the letter writing didn't go as well as i liked, but i did try to keep it up with those who wrote back. my budget was also a bit shaky. i reassessed to make sure all was going smoothly, but i went a little bit over in some areas this month. it all balances out, but next week is going to be tight... reading, working out and blogging were not as consistent as i would have liked. partially because of schedule issues, partially because of motivation issues. i'm still working on both factors... the remaining goals (dropping final 7.2, being a better student, being a better employee) were my worst three. my weight loss has been bouncing all over the place. i don't know what to expect week to week, which is more frustrating than anything else. days i expect to be up, i'm down. days i expect to be down, i'm up. best part? in either direction, it's always more than a pound. i'd be less perturbed if the increments were small, but gaining 2.4 is a kick in the face. i remind you that i used to average net gains of one pound per month before weight watchers. so when i gain one pound in a week, it's a big deal for me. i've been doing better with homework towards the end of the challenge. it helps that i'm working to keep the As i have already earned. can't fuck it up! conversely, the work schedule has tapered off as the challenge wound down. thanks to all kinds of shit and my own laziness, the last three weeks have seen me late more days than not. i think i've fully adjusted, sleepwise, to DST. i just need to find the morning motivation to get out of bed. spring goal: no checking twitter before work? maybe

final question: Do you feel like you had a productive winter? yes :) i realigned my priorities, and got shit done for a change. i really think this challenge was the kick in the ass i've been needing for a lot of things. i am SO excited for the spring fever challenge. i don't know why, but having challenges is always my best motivator. i should probably get on goal setting now... i hope those of you who also participated had a successful 13 weeks. for those who didn't, i hope you had a good regular winter :)

via we heart it

{i can't wait for it to be warmer so i can enjoy some iced chai lattes}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

[crossposted]

1.0 up

2011-03-24T15:22:00.000-04:00

can't catch a break. ironic that this week's discussion topic was about mistakes and setbacks. we mostly focused on mistakes. i, of course, was focused on my setback. i ate way more than i should've over the weekend. i didn't do my sunday workout like i'd planned... add to my sucky mood: one set of achy back muscles, three parts thunderstorms and a pinch of pontential for spring snow in the DMV. shake in airtight container so that contents build up pressure. open lid at own risk

at least i have some fun things to think about as well. i survived bikram yoga. my back ached horribly yesteday; my shoulders are still tight today. however, my knee? the one i kinda fucked up during the komen walk? NO pain. i had some pain/discomfort in my knee and ankle during yoga, but nada since. sooo i may be going back for more. mostly because i think i can work out my knee issues to counteract all the strain i put on it from other activities. also because i think it'd be a great way to sweat out the excess water weight during my period. for anything else, i'm still not a huge yoga person... tonight, i have kickboxing and cooking class. so excited! my joints and muscles will probably hate me again, but i have been dying to take a kickboxing class for AGES. i'm leaving work early just so i have as much time as possible to get there. curse my having to drive through the city on a weekday evening :p luckily, cooking class is right down the street from the gym. afterwards, i'm hightailing it home for the second half of #wwchat. thank god for thursdays. that chat saves my sanity so much :)

the other fun thing on my plate? a mac and cheese challenge. J says some random place has the best baked mac he's ever had. i plan to fix that. first step: buy ramekins for making small batches. second step: ... third step: profit

oh wait... that's my business plan for stealing underpants.....

my requirements: weight watchers friendly, no gross filler (eg cauliflower - i won't eat albino broccoli!). J's requirements: delicious... well he may have other stipulations, but so far his main goal is yum. i can't really argue with that though :) who wants to eat low fat, fiber filled baked ick? not i, said the pig. so the hunt is on for baked mac recipes. if you'd like to contribute, i am not opposed to ~~stealing~~utilizing your great granny's secret recipe from the old country. feel free to leave a comment, shoot me an email or link me on twitter. it's an amusing undertaking since i've never attempted to make the best anything. i'm oddly looking forward to it :) i may even add this challenge as one of my spring fever goals...

week12 #WWW

2011-03-21T10:57:00.063-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help achieve your goals?
With one week left, what is your plan?
What was the highlight of your week?
Did you have a down point? If so, how did you push past it?
Fun Question of the Week: What's your favourite television show from the past? Presently?

question 1: planned out my meals to get in my fruits and veggies. did my cooking early since i was leaving for the weekend. got in my workouts despite the weekend away (including some strength training, which i haven't done in months). managed to shake off some of those last few pounds

question 2: keep on keeping on. the dc fit week classes will cover my workouts for the week, i've got most of my meals for the week mapped out and i'm starting to scope out new recipes for spring. hoping to transition smoothly into the spring challenge without screwing up all i've done in the winter challenge :)

question 3: getting an interview request and spending the weekend with my honey :)

question 4: i have had so many, but i keep going thanks to my awesome support network (online and offline). the bumps won't matter once i reach the end of the road. that's what i try to remember as i go along :)

question 5: i don't have one favorite cause i love tv lol. awesome shows i could watch on endless repeat: buffy, say yes to the dress, sex and the city, community, pete and pete, the closer...

{have i mentioned how excited i am for this week? helloooo, full calendar :)}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

1.4 down

2011-03-19T09:22:00.000-04:00

and now two pounds away. this back and forth is really taxing. however, i am not letting it stress me out. plus i gave my mom the business for always looking at me with that expectant "did you do it this week?!" face. after three weeks in a row, i'm over that face. lady, i'll tell you when it happens! jeeeeeeez. but back to not stressing *deep calming breath* (and a dash of florence + the machine)

i've got some exciting things coming up over the next week. i took a half day yesterday in hopes of sleeping in. that didn't really happen, but it was nice to only have 4 hours of work. i had the quickest grocery trip of my year afterwards, which meant i got home an hour earlier than usual. double excellent because i had extra time to cook next week's food and pack. i headed out later than i wanted, but at least there was zero traffic on my drive to PA. today, i've been promised a delicious veggie filled dinner and a trip to a produce wholesaler for super fresh stuffs. (and there's alarm1 for sleepyhead)

when i get home from PA, i have a fully packed week. it's spring break, but i won't be on full vacation. still going to the office everyday :p however, i have an interview monday. plus neal and i are going to see a show. i signed up for five classes offered during dc fit week: bikram yoga (tuesday), managing student loans (wednesday), kickboxing & spring cooking (thursday) and boot camp (saturday). it's gonna be intense, and i can't wait! neal and i are also going out to dinner on friday, just because. then, after boot camp saturday, i'm helping a friend move. plus i'm heading to DC for the evening to celebrate another friend's birthday and citizenship. so much fun to be had :)

lol at this rate, i'm gonna need a spring break from my spring break ;)

week11 #WWW

2011-03-14T10:57:00.071-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
There are two weeks left in this challenge – what goals are you making priority?
Many people are on or heading into Spring Break right now, do you find it easier or harder to stay on track when your routine disappears?
Tell us something positive about this challenge. Could be something that happened to you, you did, you realized…etc.
Fun Question of the Week: The clocks sprung forward this weekend, does the time change mess you up or do you just go on like nothing happened?

question 1: how is it my weight loss goals have become the easy ones? even though i'm not losing the way i want (and various new tricks aren't helping), i'm sticking with it. eat your fruits and veggies. done. cook yourself lunch and dinner. done. workout. done (with help). i've even got the pantry looking halfway decent these days. there's actually room for everything cause we've been eating from the stockpile :)

question 2: i'm consistent on two of my three goals, and i'm trying to stick to the workout schedule better. top priority has always been dropping the weight, and it's still the main goal (3.4 to go) since it refuses to shake loose for more than a week

question 3: aaaaaaaaargh no routine makes me freak out. i love having the downtime and freedom, but i always get so lost without the structure of my normal stuff. i am looking forward to the upcoming break (one more week!) since i signed up for a few classes. might as well try some new things for free :) granted, my issue with classes is the gym membership, not the classes. i enjoy group exercise, but there are few places around here that will let you take classes sans membership. that's just not in the budget

question 4: i've started filling up my recipe box with some really awesome recipes. some stuff is quick, some more elaborate. i have recipes great for dinner guests or just me. and, because i make multiple recipes at once, i'm learning to reduce the amount of time i spend in the kitchen by taking my time during prep... well, i guess i should say i'm learning to prep instead of cooking things as i prep them

question 5: another aaaaaaargh! my whole internal clock is all fucked up. woke up yesterday feeling like shit because i was too hot. then i was up all night because i just wasn't tired. so getting up today was difficult. i fell back asleep for an hour and ended up being late for work. NOT cool. it's going to take me a week or so, but i should eventually adjust

via we heart it

{i have some great looking spring and summer recipes to try in the coming months :) maybe they'll make it in the recipe box}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

1.6 up

2011-03-10T21:56:00.002-05:00

i'm ashamed of this week. i should be celebrating being closer to goal (or even at goal). instead, i am 3.4 away again. *sigh* i know it's partially because i didn't get in my morning workout so my whole day was off. (had to shift my work day for a class assignment) then i ate way more at lunch than i should have (peanut butter addict right here). plus i didn't pee before weighing in. i probably would've been up anyway, but it wouldn't have been as bad had i done my regular thing. yesterday was mostly crap (i was cramping most of the day; that hippie cramp tea is no match for my uterus), but my session went better than expected. side bar: not looking forward to the transcription though. that's on the menu for tonight. boo... i was in a good mood for the first time all day, got to my meeting early and ... *sigh* not giving up, just feeling set back

one of the things that got me riled up yesterday (besides my uterus) was this article from the new york times: diet plan with hcg. this disgusts me to no end. these snooty, rich bitches are cheating themselves while perpetuating terrible ideals of beauty and weight. and these doctors are swindling those misguided women at a ridiculous rate. "experience is in their favor, even if the research is not." SERIOUSLY! there is a reason we freaking have science - to disprove things we wonder about. science really is not in the business of proving things. science gathers evidence to show that shit isn't true or that shit might be true until we get new and better information. i know some people don't like that, but too fucking bad. that's how the system works. part of me wants to shake these women and scream at them for throwing thousands of dollars at a placebo while starving themselves. to tell them how fabulous they look at the weight they are, contrary to what they think. but their brains are so starved for nutrients, i don't think they would be able to make sense of my words. the other part of me, the cynic, thinks they deserve to be duped. you wanna believe in a quick fix, fine. don't come whining to me when you gain back double what you lost injecting pregnant lady pee into your ass

*deep breath* it's not they're fault. it's these "doctors" who take advantage of our weaknesses. who recommend shit that they know has no scientific merit. who are supposed to be experts in their fields. if we can't trust them, who are we to trust? i would say trust yourself, but sometimes your self is also lying to you. when the scale reads too high (or too low), you may need a nutritionist and/or a personal trainer. when the person in the mirror makes you cringe, you may need a therapist. that's really your call* only you can know what you need. even when our judgment is cloudy, we know what we need to change way deep down in the bottom of ourselves. we just need to listen to that little inner voice of truth, not the voice shouting that we aren't good enough, strong enough or pretty enough. and trust me, at no point will your need ever include injecting drugs to help you lose weight

*i encourage EVERYONE to see a counselor from time to time to help deal with life stress. at the very least, talk about your emotions with those you trust; don't run/hide from your own feelings. i also encourage anyone struggling with weight to seek out support from a person or program that teaches and guides you, not just gives you a set of impossibly strict rules to follow on your own. you know what they say about teaching men to fish...

week10 #WWW

2011-03-07T10:56:00.127-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
New month! How are you feeling with the end of the challenge coming up soon?
What would you change differently about this challenge for the Spring Fever Challenge beginning soon?
What have you learned about yourself during this challenge (or past few months)?
Fun Question of the Week: Do you enter contests? Have you ever won one?

question 1: i had a fruit or veggie at every meal :) apples for breakfast, bananas for lunch and peppers/broccoli/green beans/artichokes with dinner. spacing them out majorly helped. plus i doubled up on my veggie servings at dinner. one cup is not as giant a portion as i always think. plus i had a lot of yummy leftovers to munch on. clearing out the fridge also reminded me i need to clear out the pantry. so instead of making lunch or dinner for the week, i just focused on something for the weekend. hello tomato soup and grilled cheese :) more on them later. these week's meals are: frittatas and milk (breakfast), banana and peanut butter on whole wheat bagel (lunch) and whole wheat pasta with green beans (dinner). i love me some carbs. which of course means i really need to stick to my workouts. this week was hard. did my wed workout and felt FANTASTIC afterwards. then had a meeting thursday, ran errands friday and spent all of saturday catching up on things. needless to say that working out got put on the back burner. i eventually got my lazy tush up to walk, but that was about it. at least my minimal workouts from the week before paid off. let's hope this week is a repeat

question 2: so crazy that we're nearing the end. i love you, winter, but you've been extra bitchy this year. i'm getting pumped for spring, and should start writing down my spring goals... can "wear more flowy dresses" be one of them? ;)

question 3: the only thing i would change is the set number of goals. i plan to keep most of my current goals and add new ones for spring. i'm not sure how many, but i know adding another 10 would be difficult. i really liked how the WWW challenge was set up though: pictures, questions and all :)

question 4: that i can actually get back on track if i put the effort in. i know all the stuff we're taught at weight watchers, but sometimes it's hard to keep up with doing it all. admittedly, if i had to choose between watching what i eat and exercising, exercising would totally lose. i do like working out, and i usually feel amazing after i do. but i also know how much energy it requires to get me from point A (the bed) to point B (working out). my life would be easier if i could do it all with just food, but i know it's just not enough for me

question 5: i do, depending on what the prize(s) is (are) :) i actually just won a print from silly grrl, and it arrived this week. so totally cute! i also won a year of food network magazine last year (which reminds me, i need to renew heh) from another blogger. gotta love free shiz ;)

{i couldn't think of anything inspirational or whateva. sooo instead you get pic of my darling boy :)}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

in my fridge

2011-03-03T02:08:00.000-05:00

down 0.8 last week, and was still on a plateau (ave up to 0.3 though). meeting went ok, but there wasn't an opportunity to discuss issues. i took my five pound sticker and went on my merry way. this week, i'm down another 1.4 (was NOT expecting a loss since i'm preperiod) and may have kicked some plateau ass. i am now 66.4 pounds down, ladies and gents *pause for applause* every thurs at 8pm EST there's a twitter chat full of weight watchers peeps (#wwchat). i'm slowly falling in love with it. the support, the ideas, the ridiculousness. it's all fabulous. during the brag, i mentioned my loss last week (which put me at 65 even). that's when it hit me how awesome 65 is. 66.4 is even more awesome. i have NO clue where i kept the extra pounds, but i am so fucking happy they are gone. i know i'm being all bipolar about my progress, but at least i'm always honest ;)

on to the important stuff. what have i been cooking up lately? lots of deliciousness

soft polenta with mascarpone
[original recipe]

my adjustments: switched out the butter for smart balance light butter instead. chicken broth, not stock. no parsley garnish

my notes: i definitely had enough for eight good sized portions, which helped bring the points down. i had my polenta with baked salmon and cooked broccoli. yum all around :) although, i need to remember sockeye has bones. part of me wants to make a huge batch of polenta to serve with various meals, especially because i had to think of a way to use all the mascarpone before it went bad. i ended up using it in my pasta sauce, but i got tired of the combo after awhile. i should also note that making polenta is a workout :p you have to constantly stir it to keep it from sticking or whatever. my arms were not happy for awhile

slow cooker vegetable soup
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i dropped the bay leaf, added extra spinach (12 oz container meh) and used a cayenne pepper blend i have instead of red pepper flakes

my notes: i actually liked this more than i was anticipating. i'm still not a huge fan of spinach, but this had a great blend of flavors/textures that appealed to me. i sliced up some french baguettes to top it all off, which increased the likeability :) plus i like how easy this was to make. chop veggies, throw in cooker with broth and do something else for a few hours. excellent for a quick weekend meal

tortellini soup
[original recipe]

my adjustments: nada :D

my notes: another super easy recipe. i may have overcooked my tortellini, but that doesn't bother me. overall, this was quite yummy. however, it wasn't terribly filling. i wonder if it'd be worth double portions (seven points)...

artichoke provencal
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i used chicken broth instead of white wine. i also dropped the olives and basil. don't like olives; didn't have any basil. oh and i split it into five servings

my notes: i cannot express to you how in love with artichokes i am right now. this was SO yummy and went well with pasta (with the mascarpone sauce). there was also plenty in each serving. once i get through my current stack of recipes, i think i'm gonna start pulling other stuff for artichoke. spinach and artichoke dip is top of that list :D

old world manicotti
12 large manicotti shells
4c shredded mozzarella, divided
2c ricotta
6T fresh basil, chopped (or 2T dried basil)
1 (26oz) jar spaghetti sauce, divided
1/2c grated parmesan

preheat oven to 350°F. spray 13x9 baking dish with nonstick cooking spray. cook pasta according to package. drain; rinse with cool water. let pasta dry on paper towels. for filling, in medium bowl, stir together 3c mozzarella, ricotta and basil. using a teaspoon, carefully stuff pasta shells with prepared mixture. spoon 2c sauce into baking dish. arrange stuffed pasta over sauce; pour remaining sauce over pasta. sprinkle with remaining mozzarella. bake for 15 minutes. sprinkle with parmesan and bake for another 10 minutes. serve

makes six servings

my adjustments: 2c part skim mozzarella, fat free ricotta and reduced fat sauce brought this recipe down to nine points per serving

my notes: i added broccoli and sauteed peppers on the side. super yum! i think i'll stuff some peppers inside next time :) overall, this was a favorite. even though i pretty much destroyed my manicotti lol. what is with me and overcooked pasta? it cooked so long that most of the shells split before/while i was stuffing them. i also forgot about the rinsing and drying part. oops. still delicious hahah

mcdonald's shamrock shake
[original recipe]

my adjustments: skim milk, naturally. i also divided it into six servings (four points), but i think it normally serves four (six points)

my notes: YUMMO! so i've never actually had one of the mcdonald's shakes. i know; blasphemy :p i was extremely happy with my little green milkshake. except i let it sit out too long because i was making other stuff at the same time, as usual. meh still good :p if i'd known about peppermint extract sooner, i'd have been making my own mint ice cream for years. i despise mint chocolate chip because of those horrible little chips. do not want. now i never have to eat them again *happy shimmy*

bekah's quick apple crisp
3 large apples
1/4c water
1 packet maple and brown sugar instant oatmeal
1/4t vanilla extract
sea salt, cinnamon & nutmeg to taste
butter spray
2T fat free whipped topping

preheat oven to 350°F. peel and core apples. cut each into 12 slices and place in pyrex. add water and cover. microwave on high for seven minutes. let sit covered for two minutes. uncover and add vanilla, sea salt, cinnamon and nutmeg. use a fork to evenly distribute ingredients and mash half of apples. add oatmeal as top layer. spray butter on oatmeal until wet. bake uncovered for 7-10 minutes. let cool for five minutes. add whipped topping

makes two servings

my adjustments: i doubled the recipe and divided into six three point servings. i didn't bother mashing the apples up. i also used pam instead of butter spray; i may just leave it off completely next time. lastly, i nixed the whipped topping cause i didn't want it

my notes: it's quite good for only a few points. i prefer it cold though, which contrasts nicely with the below frittatas :)

individual ham, cheese and veggie frittatas
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i ended up only using about 3/4 lb of the hashbrowns, which dropped the points down to two. i also left out the ham

my notes: i really like these quick little things. i pop them in the microwave for about 45 seconds in the morning. i may adjust how i put the ingredients together next time though. instead of combining the veg and cheese with the egg, i may layer them in the cups before pouring in the egg. it seemed like each cup got a disproportionate amount of something. also? super spray your tins. the cups do not just pop out

sooo yea. that's what i cooked up in february. ready for a yummy march? i know i am :)

week9 #WWW

2011-02-28T10:55:00.088-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
Today's the last day of the month - how do you feel you've done in February?
What is your go-to favourite meal to cook? Share the recipe if possible!
Share a quote or saying that is inspiring you today.
Fun Question of the Week: What's your make-up routine? Wear any? Lots? Do you have a must-have?

question 1: i cheated. there, i said it. i was supposed to workout twice last week, but instead i lumped it into one 90minute walk yesterday. i crossed the goal off on my list anyway cause technically i hit my time goal. i know i'm only cheating myself, but i just didn't have the energy. my back still hurt on wed so i gave myself the morning off. then i just didn't have any motivation until sunday. le sigh. this week i'll do better. 3x a week goal is in effect. eek! i did have the motivation to cook though, even after a brunch in baltimore and a meeting on campus. i made breakfast for the week and a dessert :) i'm a little bummed though. half my breakfast was a bummer monday because i heated it up and added a little milk. didn't realize the milk had gone bad so everything was soaked in gross. at least the little frittatas were yummy. recipes are coming. swearsies! fruits and veggies were a small struggle, but i got them in. this week goes up to the five a day. hold me ;)

question 2: i am over the shortness of feb. whoever designed the calendar must've been drunk :p buuuuuut ON TO SPRING. i miss my bare thighs lol. flip flops and dress weather are coming :D oh, and my birthday is a little over a month away *squee*

question 3: kraft mac and cheese. or baked salmon with couscous. or spaghetti. i like stuff that's easy peasy. i've been expanding my cooking repertoire, but i still prefer the basics

question 4: nothing in particular inspiring me today so i'll just share a quote from one of my favorite icons, ms. marilyn monroe "imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." i am thoroughly ridiculous

question 5: no makeup for me. i don't have the patience to put it on or take it off :p

via peppermint park

{might as well post a photo of my secret lovah. full figured, unashamed and gorgeous}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

fail

2011-02-23T10:26:00.001-05:00

every couple of weeks, i review my progress charts. i know i'm plateauing; i can feel it in my body. but i always like to have data to back me up. so i opened it up today, looking at the last few weeks. then the last few months. then the last eight months. i'm equal parts furious and complacent. confirmed plateau. plateauing since the pointsplus program went into effect. i went from averaging 0.9 to 0.3 (12 week chunks) over the last eightish months. dec 1st, pointsplus went into effect, and my progress started slowing. part of that is because i made no progress in dec (no meetings + stressing over school). dec 29th, i was back in, whole hog. i had a good bump in jan, but it's been slow going ever since. currently, i am averaging 0.1 over the last four weeks. dismal

this is why i get so frustrated when i get on the scale. i put on my happy face and pretend like it's no big deal, but it really is a big deal. i'm working out, watching my portions and getting more healthy stuff in my body. the body that can't make up its mind what size it wants to be. i am down to two pairs of jeans, both skinny. the 10s are loose on some days, perfect on others. the 29s (european sizing) started to gape. then they fit. then they were tight. not during a week when i was retaining water. i don't cook with or consume much sodium. a good chunk of my diet is reduced or nonfat. i'm up to 80 mins working out per week, not including all the walking i do on class days. i vary the number of activity points i eat. i've drastically increased my fruit and veggie intake while decreasing my dairy (which i miss sometimes). i'm cooking more of my own foods and eating out/ordering in way less. yet, here i am. struggling with four measly pounds. four pounds i shouldn't even care about. technically, i'm still two pounds away from my original, personal goal; i'm four away from weight watchers' prescribed goal. it's not worth the effort to meet with my doctor so she can write me a note for what i want. a difference of two pounds is really not that big of a deal in the long run. and it still doesn't matter. i can't lose those two or the whole four at the moment

i'm debating if i should bring this up tonight. mostly because i'm hostile. partly because everyone's advice comes from their perspective and relationship with food. i said it over at IITGI, not everyone is overweight because they overeat. i don't have the luxury of not eating all my daily points. that just puts me in a situation to start backsliding in to not eating. i know myself well enough to recognize that. i'll punch someone in the face if they say increase activity. i've already tripled what i was doing before (cardio and strength training), and i'll be increasing again soon. i get enough sleep, i'm relatively unstressed at the moment and i'm not ill...

i am at a loss. i don't know how to force my body to got off the plateau. and i don't know how to keep my motivation up for myself. if it weren't for the winter wonderland warriors, i would've given up on half my goals by now. i'm so over being a loser; i'm ready to start maintaining. clearly, that's my best ability at the moment

[psh i shouldn't really call this an update...]
and then i reread this. maybe i should quit trying to lose?

week8 #WWW

2011-02-21T10:55:00.109-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
Pretty much everywhere this past week experienced some mild weather – did this change have any effect on you?
Walk us through your ideal workout.
What happened in the last week that you have to brag about?
Fun Question of the Week: Spring Fever has hit the stores… what’s your favourite thing to shop for in the Spring?

question 1: tried a few new recipes this weekend. one i'm really looking forward to eating tonight. did not enjoy the mac and cheese soup as much as i thought i would; i may have added too much carrot giving it a weird texture... got my veggies in every day, even though i struggled a little fri and sat. not sure how i'll do at this week's weigh in since i ate a ton those two days. went to a funeral fri, and took jesse to medieval times sat. i'm hoping my workouts help curb any gains. granted, i may have overworked myself on sat. decided to do rev abs, and def strained my back muscles. my right side was so tense afterwards, and now my entire left side is super sore

question 2: it's been weird here. beautiful warm days with super intense wind. didn't notice much change in my mood or motivation for my health goals. it did make my commutes less grouchy though :)

question 3: ideal? cardio and strength training combo that pushes me. i like a challenge, and i don't mind getting sweaty. if you look cute after finishing a workout, you aren't trying hard enough (or you're made of plastic, barbie girl)

question 4: sometimes i use time with my boy as an excuse not to stay on top of things. we only get 48 hours together so i'd prefer spending as much of that time snuggling and such. i worked out, cooked and did some homework this weekend. jesse was playing games (or sleeping) most of the time so at least we were in the same room. we also cooked dinner together again - britt's cheesy garlic mash and steak :) super yum with ciabatta rolls

question 5: i'm so super excited about sundresses. i never used to be much of a dress person, but i've totally fallen in love. they go so well with flipflops :D

via we heart it

{this week was gorgeous, and this pic makes me think of the upcoming warmer months :)}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

those people

2011-02-17T07:35:00.000-05:00

everyone has a trick when they're losing weight. specific weigh in timing. specific outfits. making sure to hit the bathroom a few minutes before... whatever it is, people are always trying to fool the scale

i suddenly realized that i am one of those people. what the hell? when did that happen??? when i first started weight watchers, i would stroll (drive) over to whole foods to get dinner. salt and pepper cod over spinach? chorizo and plantains in corn tortilla? simple lettuce, tomato and balsamic? didn't matter. i bought it and ate it in the parking lot before meetings. i didn't want to be talking about food on an empty stomach. that's just cruel

and then my schedule shifted slightly. i came in a little later so i left a little later. didn't really leave time to buy and eat something from the salad bar. i also decided that a $6/lb salad (oh how i miss happy hour at the salad bar) could not be a weekly occurrence for the budget. add in trips with mom post weight watchers meeting. we'd get groceries (or i'd just walk around with her since i'd already gone on tuesday) and talk. sometimes i'd grab food from the bar; sometimes i wouldn't. slowly but surely, i stopped pre meeting eating

and then i stopped drinking my water. i try to have at least two glasses (one water bottle full) every day before i leave the office. except on wednesdays. i have my one glass before leaving home a) to take my pill and b) cause i just worked out. then i'm done until after weigh in. sometimes i bring water with me; sometimes i forget to fill up before rolling out of the office. and even though i barely have any liquid through the day, i always make sure to pee before i leave the office. it takes me about 30min to get to the columbia meeting. don't ask me why, but that potty break and time lag are important to my weigh in process

and then i stopped eating lunch. also a schedule issue. because wednesdays are my late day, i was getting to the office anywhere between 10 and 12 (see why i need to get back on an appropriate schedule?), depending on when i made myself get out of bed and what i did. naturally, i was eating later in the morning, which meant i wasn't always hungry at "lunch time". so i stopped bringing food i didn't think i'd eat. sometimes i'd have a snack (3 musketeer anyone?), but never a real lunch

i also have a process if i just weigh in at home. post potty, post workout and pre breakfast. in the same exact outfit, every time. this was mostly about convenience. before i became the worst employee ever, i kept my mornings structured. every day except wednesday: potty, put on workout clothes, load wii fit, think about/start breakfast (during the winter i ate a LOT of oatmeal and grits - cooked on the stove as intended :p), weigh in, breakfast. wednesday: potty, workout clothes, work it out, get water, start breakfast (usually including two eggs), weigh in, chow down while watching morning joe. one day, i actually weighed myself three or four times just for giggles. i lost ~0.7 pounds between pre and post workout (40ish minutes after finishing). that was a great motivator to keep working out before hitting the scale. nowadays i barely remember to even look at the wii :p if i do hop on the balance board, trust that i will have already gone through the appropriate sequence for that day...

it hit me a couple weeks ago that i really had become one of those people. i don't like cheating the system; i'm just cheating myself. i shouldn't have to play these dumb ass games to get the scale to say what i want. i shouldn't care what the fucking scale says at all!

and yet. i so fucking do. goddamn that scale and its power over me. i'm sitting here now, feeling crappy and wanting to just lie down. i know i'm only hungry sooner cause i didn't have a protein after working out [ps i'm drafting this wednesday. it's thursday now, and i have not died of malnurishment]. i'm restarting my eating like a normal ass person though. last week, i had a small lunch, which may have contributed to the dismal performance on the scale. at the same time, i liked not being super hungry during the meeting. i'm hoping to work my way back up to a pre meeting snack. since i've been cooking in advance, i don't have as much of a need to pick up dinner en route. bank and belly can both be happy i think

yes, i still crossed every crossable part of my body in hopes that i miraculously dropped five pounds this week so i can still make goal. however, i'm less grouchy/hormonal about how last week went. i'm shrugging off this week's 0.4 loss (don't be bitter; just be better) because i have much bigger things to be concerned with this week

clothing swap

2011-02-15T11:58:00.001-05:00

i love when people have fantastic ideas conveniently when i'm looking to clean out some stuff. my newest blog discovery is colleen over at the fit bee (cohost of the #wwchat on twitter :)), and she just posted about a project a friend of hers started: the great clothing exchange. instead of constantly buying a brand new wardrobe as you size down, you can pop over to the GCX for stuff. there are even some shoes :) it's kinda of a lottery setup, but all you pay is the shipping cost. go check out the details

i just pulled out all my way too big pants, and i'm more than happy to give them to a new home. next up are the shirts :)

week7 #WWW

2011-02-14T08:54:00.002-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
What goal are you doing best on?
What goal do you have to push yourself a little more to complete? What is your plan to do so?
We’ve talked about who pushes us to do better with our goals – is there anyone/thing that hinders you?
Fun Question of the Week: Happy Valentine’s Day! Do you have any special plans for the day? It’s okay if you think it’s a Hallmark holiday that you wish to boycott!

question 1: what a joke last week; i'm so frustrated with myself. the only goals i managed to meet were trying new recipes and eating three servings of fruit/veg every day. i only worked out once, and i gained last week. which means, i won't hit goal this week (unless by some miracle i lose 4.2 pounds by 630pm on wednesday). it hurts insanely to be so close yet so far from where i want to be. i don't want to spend the next few months fighting the same pounds over and over. it's just too hard to stay focused when everything makes me angry

question 2: oddly, getting in my fruit and veggie servings. every week, i decide on my meals for the following week, including what recipe(s) i'll make. if the recipes don't have a veggie, i make sure to pick up something at the store. now that i'm up to three (well four, starting today) servings per day, i've tacked on a fruit with breakfast. since all my favorites are out of season, i've been getting frozen and canned stuffs. adding another serving seems like a daunting task at first, but i always manage to find a way to work it in. now if only i could get my water intake to be as consistent...

question 3: working out. i've already scheduled the time. i already have all the workouts. i just need to effing do them. i didn't even want to walk, which would've allowed me to read blogs and get some activity at the same time. instead, i couldn't be bothered with the treadmill. this weekend will be a small challenge since J is coming down, but i know i need to stick to the schedule as much as possible. i'm the only one stopping myself from doing what i know needs to be done

question 4: i am my biggest obstacle. it's so easy to talk myself out of something and let discouragement get the best of me. last week was so trying, and i felt so defeated. all of it is my own doing so i need to just snap out of it

question 5: i don't really care about valentine's day itself. it's my friends birthday, which is far more important to me. J and i'll be celebrating over the weekend, and i do have a surprise for him. but i don't make a huge deal, and i haven't "boycotted" in years

via we heart it

{things i'm trying to remember this week}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

0.2 up

2011-02-10T11:41:00.000-05:00

starting to get annoying, but at least it's not the nearly two pounds gained that the wii was talking about. what a cunt that wii can be... i was far less grouchy about the gain during the meeting. i went home figuring it could be something as small as the clothes i wore. i had dinner, talked with jesse and went to bed early. i had started this post before, but got sidetracked by the call and bed. now that it's had time to settle, i am not pleased. the more i think about it, the more irritated it makes me. i'm doing everything right. i'm eating well balanced meals, not depriving myself or overindulging. i'm working out regularly, cardio and strength training. i'm listening to my body blah blah blah. yet i keep bouncing around the same 1.5 pounds. what. the. fuck.

i know my body is changing because my smallest jeans, which are already skinny, are loose. i just ordered new work pants in a size i still cannot believe i may fit in. i am slowly going through all my clothes, prepping for an overhaul because shit doesn't fit. WHY CAN'T I GET RID OF FOUR FUCKING POUNDS!?! i know some of it is because of muscle building, but that muscle does not seem to be doing a very good job. i don't know at what rate i'm burning through fat, but it isn't up to par. i feel like i need to weight all my clothes or something to constantly push my muscles. then i think about how much that would fucking hurt. i did my 30min of nfl training camp yesterday; my shoulders and neck are killing me today. i can't get comfortable because my knees don't wanna be bent and my ass doesn't want to prop me up. i have a MASSIVE headache because i overslept (sidebar: i'm allergic to painkillers so i have to power through all this). top that off with being fucking angry, and i'm a smorgasbord of awesome right now

this has become an increasingly frustrating few weeks. i'm starting to understand how my mom feels; although, she's able to shrug it off. she does the same things every week. yet she'll have these tiny steps forward and backwards. nearly two years later, i think she weighs the exact same she did when we started going together. i know it's not the worst thing. when she was doing the at work program, she lost enough to reduce some of her meds. but she hasn't made any progress since. i would not be able to handle that. i can't even handle this lack of progress, and it hasn't even been two months...

i am at a loss. i want to go back to bed and sleep til tomorrow. i want to wake up not feeling disappointed in myself. i want to enjoy my meals, not resenting the wasted time i spent cooking and dividing all of it. i want to stop fixating on all these numbers that have become excessively important. i want to believe that i am getting somewhere

i am alexander, and i wish this day would end

{i'm not in a place to accept feedback at the moment so i've turned off comments for this post}

week6 #WWW

2011-02-07T10:54:00.126-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
New month! Fresh starts! How are you feeling in February?
Are you competitive? Do you find that seeing how well {or not so well} others do pushes you?
What is your favourite outdoor winter activity? {Southerners can answer winter if they visit the snow, or just what you like to do outside}
Fun Question of the Week: What would be your ideal way to spend a Saturday night?

question 1: bought a couple cans of pineapple to get my fruit fix. do you know how hard it is to find fruit in its own juice without added sugar??? it's effing ridiculous. apparently, dole is the only company that doesn't automatically put everything in syrup or artificially sweetened juice. i really wanted some pears, but none of the ones i saw came au natural. bastards. i picked up a couple more cans for this week along with some frozen broccoli. yum :) i successfully made polenta and veggie soup this weekend. i am l-o-v-i-n-g slow cooker recipes. and i think i'm getting the hang of multiple recipes in an afternoon. soup took five hours, polenta took two and the salmon (to go with the polenta) took 40 min. i had everything cooked, separated and in the fridge without feeling like an insane person moving in a thousand directions at once. on the workout front, i've decided that the week before my period should be all about the walking. i turbo jammed on wed morning and was sore until sat. stupid muscle fatigue; my uterus is stealing all the good nutrients. for my long workout sat morning, i walked on the treadmill. 90 min and 3.74 miles later, i felt energized and not achy. then i was on my feet for about six hours for the afternoon cooking (totally counted it, too). this week, i think i'll do a short workout with nfl training camp on wed and two turbo jam workouts on sat. i really do prefer the more active workouts when i'm not pms-ing. if i'm gonna workout, i want to be pushed to the limit and sweaty as hell when i'm done

question 2: pretty positive about many things. even with pending annoyances (see end of post), i'm not worried about this short month. i stepped up a couple of my goals last week, which is scary and exciting. the process may be slow, but i'm getting to where i want to be. that's what keeps me happy and focused :)

question 3: LOL i was totally thinking about my competitive nature while reading shannon's post from last week! was kinda hoping you wouldn't ask cause i'm an asshole. whenever someone has a success, i want to mention my success, too. not necessarily to one up that person, but to point out that i'm also awesome. i can usually reel it back, and send my unbegrudged congratulations. because i really do think you are all amazing! i know i don't necessarily have to work out every day like shannon (damn. she worked out more in one week than i did in all of january!), but knowing how well she's doing makes me want to push myself further. some days, it keeps me from giving up on myself

question 4: first would be a huge snowball fight. second... kissing my boy in the moonlight while it flurries. total schmoop city, but i think there is something so romantic about snow falling. other than those two things, i don't wanna be outside for too long. if i am, it usually means shoveling :p

question 5: right now i'm craving calm and quiet. curling up under a big blanket with some tea and a book. if i'm with J, it's a slightly different story...

via we heart it

{i picked my positive pics this week before opening amy's email. first big assignment of the semester + upcoming meeting with my 2nd least favorite prof is giving my brain an ass kicking at the moment. must remember this isn't over yet, and i haven't lost}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

1.0 down

2011-02-03T13:02:00.002-05:00

between my basic counseling class and weight watchers meeting this week, i've been doing a lot of thinking. and, of course, i've forgotten the specifics of those thoughts. i may start taking notes on everything just so i don't forget in the future :) something in the weight watchers meeting reminded me of what we talked about in class. and i wanted to make note of it in my class journal. maybe it'll come back to me later... lol so yay. i lost a pound. i'm 0.6 away from where i was three weeks ago when i had that huge loss. if i drop another pound this week, i'll hit 65 total with 3.2 remaining. i may be in for another big drop next wed, but it's hard to gauge. this is usually my up week so i'm assuming i had a drop last week with a gain this week (thank you water retention). but, having not weighed in, i'm not 100% sure it's safe to make any assumptions about this week's performance in relation to other weeks. i'm trying not to fret about it, but i hate not knowing. i'm going to try to remember to weigh in on the wii this week to see how things go day to day. now on to more fun things :) here's what i've made in the last couple weeks

spiced carrot soup
[original recipe]

my adjustments: nixed the sour cream, which did not affect the total points per serving. i also made a double batch since i was trying to use up my buttermilk

my notes: i really like this soup, and i think it would be so delicious in a breadbowl. a couple times i tore up half a bagel instead of crackers to add in. excellent for a cold day :) beware of the carrots though. apparently, they stain everything; clean up was less fun than usual

cream of potato soup
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i didn't add the chive garnish since it was just me... only change made :D

my notes: this was an ok soup. potato soup isn't really my fave, but i decided to give it a try. i was over it after a few days. maybe next time i'll make it when we have company to keep leftovers to a minimum

lemon chicken with broccoli
[original recipe]

my adjustments: i sliced the chicken after cooking it instead of before. i also added extra flour because my sauce didn't seem to be thickening. i have yet to get the hang of sauces

my notes: surprisingly good. we all know i'm not big on chicken, but this combo worked really well together. definitely will be adding this to the recipe box for the future

not too shabby on the cooking front. i may be becoming a bit of a foodie... or just a less reluctant chef :p

week5 #WWW

2011-01-31T10:52:00.144-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
January is coming to an end! How do you think you did in the month of January? Review time!
Do you feel like your motivation is tapering off now that a month has passed, or are you just as motivated as the beginning of the challenge?
Who/what inspires you to keep going?
Fun Question of the Week: What is the first thing you think of/do in the morning?

question 1: green beans and organic pasta sauce saved my veggie eating tushie. this week is going to be a bit rougher. i didn't buy any produce (trying to stick to the budget) last week so i have to do it today. because of the budget, i only picked up chicken last week. i attempted to make chicken noodle soup sans recipe in order to use up the egg noodles i bought ages ago. it was a psuedo success. i essentially boiled the chicken in chicken broth, added shallots and cooked noodles. unfortunately, the broth separated so it wasn't very thick. no worries though. i whipped up another batch of the chicken and quinoa using the last of the celery, onion and chicken broth. i dumped the broth from the soup into the quinoa instead. the chicken and noodles were still delicious :) too delicious in fact. i ate most of them up over the weekend, even though they were supposed to be my dinner for the week. oops. i have leftover cooked noodles so i'll probably eat those instead. my problem was that i didn't divide it up. i didn't think i had enough small containers so i lumped the chicken/noodles and noodles in bigger ones. won't be doing that again... workouts? i shoveled on thursday so i could go to the office. it took me 30 minutes, and i worked up a sweat. counts :) unfortunately, because of that snow i had to shovel, i have no clue what my weight is this week. the snowstorm hit wed night so meetings were canceled, and i totally spaced on weighing at home. let's just assume, i'm the same

question 2: WAY better than i thought i would. having only missed one workout and one weigh in is not too shabby. of course, i gained the week after the one week i missed my workout, but i'm over that. i managed to stick to an eating plan that left enough wiggle room for me to go out for drinks/dinner multiple times. i got back in to my favorite routine of morning workouts on wed. i'm feeling more comfortable in my own skin even though my body hasn't changed much in the last few weeks. overall, health/bodywise? i think i'm doing great :)

question 3: i am absolutely determined to reach lifetime by the end of this challenge. my motivation is up and down (more down this week thanks to my uterus gearing up for its hostile takeover :p), but i'm not letting that overshadow my resolve. this week i'm stepping up my workout (now twice per week) and veggie/fruit goals (three per day) to keep moving forward. it's still on

question 4: my mom. if it weren't for her, i don't know where i would be. i most definitely wouldn't have joined and stuck with weight watchers without her constant support. even before i was ready to change myself, she was nudging me. she could tell i was not a happy michelle, but i hadn't faced it yet. a mother always knows, whether we know it (admit it) or not. going to meetings with her definitely made things easier. she struggles, but she's there every week, cheering and reflecting. i'm also inspired by my meeting groups and other bloggers. hearing everyone's stories, positive and negative, reinforces my desire to keep going. there's the cliche "it takes a village to raise a child", but i think it takes a village to do anything. we all need support externally for when our internal support starts to waiver. when we start to have doubts, there is someone to put things in perspective. without you all, i would not have been this successful at this point in my life. thank you

question 5: "don't wanna" i hate getting up in the morning. i usually check email and twitter on my phone before i even get up to pee :p

{see that?! for the first time in about six months, i am NOT eating out this week. happy belly and happy wallet :)}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

kitchen win!

2011-01-25T12:12:00.011-05:00

can i tell you a secret? i'm writing this post two weeks before you're gonna see it. to keep up with my warrior goals, i'm writing when the mood strikes and scheduling posts. so when my inspiration dries up (or grad school starts kicking my ass), i'll already have something ready to go. look at me heading off guilt at the pass... so what was my big success? this freaking recipe for quinoa!

slow cooker curry chicken with quinoa[original recipe]

my adjustments: i scaled it down to four servings instead of six and used reduced sodium chicken broth. wow! i almost did this one by the book ;)

my notes: OMG! this was AMAZING. i seriously housed it. i'm thinking about picking up some more chicken to make another batch. god knows we have plenty of quinoa in the pantry. this was super yummy for just five points per serving. plus i didn't overcook anything :D go try it!

penne with spinach and sun dried tomatoes[original recipe]

my adjustments: i dropped the garbanzo beans; i don't like beans of any kind. i couldn't find sun dried tomatoes in the brand i wanted (hey, i had a coup) so i used regular diced tomatoes. i used red wine vinegar instead of balsamic cause that's what was in the pantry. and, of course, low sodium chicken broth

my notes: dropping the beans knocked this down to six points per serving, making it an excellent lunch choice for me. i should've drained the diced tomatoes though; i'm not a huge fan of thin sauces. i did enjoy this overall, but it's not something SPECTACULAR

the quinoa definitely wins out of all the recipes i made during week1. i'll get back to you on week2 recipes :)

week4 #WWW

2011-01-24T10:52:00.095-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
How are you feeling about the goals you set for yourself? Overwhelmed? Too easy? Just right?
Do you prefer to exercise inside or outside?
Are you a self-starter or do you need a little push?
Fun Question of the Week: Why did you decide to start a blog?

question 1: since i didn't work out in week2, i worked out twice in week3. i've been getting my veggies in still (yay broccoli and green beans!). i added two more recipes to my repertoire. unfortunately, i gained last week. disappointing, but i'm still using it to fuel my motivation for this week

question 2: these goals are manageable; i just need to do them. it's my non-weight goals that i'm struggling with. who would've thought that would happen? i guess i'm more determined to work on my health than anything else right now. how funny to think about how my level of commitment has changed in the last two years...

question 3: inside. i'm a wuss and don't need the extra weather related excuses. i like going to the gym (especially when i have a buddy) or bustin some moves at home. i hate being outside in the elements unless i'm walking to the bar. oh how i miss undergrad. speed walking five blocks to the bar... meandering home after last call

question 4: i tend to need a little push, but some days i need a BIG push. i know i'm more likely to work out if i make it the first thing i do after waking up or getting home. no checking my phone for tweets/emails. no checking the mail for bills or my victoria's secret catalog. no seeing what craziness the tivo has suggested we might like. put on your workout clothes. grab a glass of water. pop in a disc. MOVE MOVE MOVE... yea i kinda have to drill sergeant myself some days. i wish there were an elf who lived in my pocket and would remind me of all the healthy things i should do. "morning walks good. cupcakes for lunch bad." cause my internal elf isn't always reliable ;)

question 5: i started this blog because i thought i was boring/annoying my friends with constant "i lost a pound" updates. this blog became a record of my progress, complaints and self perception. though it's hard to say if i'll keep blogging here once i hit lifetime and all that jazz. i blog all over so this specific one may not be necessary at that point

{from just october 2010 to january 2011. difference of 6.8 lbs. look at that progress... poor shrinking boobies}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

1.6 up

2011-01-19T23:49:00.009-05:00

wah wah waaaaah setbacks. after a few hours letting that settle in, i've decide i'm not going to let it deter me. i have 5.2 pounds to kick to the curb. there is no time for wallowing. instead, i'm going to start thinking about my new skinny wardrobe. i have so few clothes that fit me properly these days. however, i don't want to just walk in to a store and pull things at random. i need a game plan (and a budget). i'm not terribly worried about clothes for my current job, but i won't be working here forever. i have internships and interviews to think about. i'll need business casual (leaning more towards the business end) that is also appropriate around children. i have big boobs so business shirts have not always been my friend. i need to avoid that going forward. whether that means i become besties with a seamstress or i start wearing sweater vests has yet to be decided :)

stores i love: old navy, banana republic
stores i kinda like: the limited, express
stores i'm willing to try: ny&company, ann taylor, jones new york

i'm definitely seeing an outlet shopping trip in my future for some of these. however, i'm just a wee bit nervous about... dressing rooms. i know i'm all yay me, but i haven't faced a dressing room mirror since november. i have actively been avoiding mirrors at home to break my obsessive habit of staring at myself. i still love me, but i'm still aware of those "trouble spots". part of me is glad that i'm not doing a major wardrobe overhaul until after i reach lifetime. it gives me a couple months to mentally prepare myself for facing my dressing room fears... i should probably also note, it's not a fear entirely based on the negative aspects of clothes shopping. i'm also a little afraid that i won't recognize the girl looking back and be too afraid to trust the change. i repeat: i still love me, but that love has not fully eclipsed the fear. it always takes awhile for my brain to catch up to the rest of me

i am quite excited about spending money. i told neal i'm addicted to saving, but really that addiction feeds my addiction to spend without the stress of credit card interest (curse you store credit cards with your variable interest rates!). so it's going to be a little fun. and you know i'll totally be doing a lot of on and offline window shopping ;)

eating disorder?

2011-01-18T14:00:00.002-05:00

**i'm not fond of disclaimers, but i think this needs to be stated upfront. i know it's easy to project judgment and i am a judgey mcjudgerson, but this is entirely about me and my issues. i am scrutinizing my fat self, nothing/no one beyond that**

so the other day, this article was published on jezebel and a twitter friend shared it. as i read it, i grew increasingly annoyed. what i've been saying for years is actually true. there is so little food in the special k foods that your body practically starves. hence why i refer to the special k diet as the anorexic diet. as i commented on the original post, i realize that comparison is a bit crass and potentially hurtful to anyone who has/does/will struggle with an eating disorder. as i was leaving that comment, i was reminded of an email i sent to heather. she'd asked a question about clarifying the weight watchers' points plus system. at the end, i mentioned that i have a history of unintentional under eating. hence, why i like having a target number i have to eat so i know i'm taking enough calories in to compensate for those going out. i'm picky, slow and always seemed to be "full" quickly. there were entire weekends in which i didn't eat much of anything because i never felt hungry at all. over the years, i nibbled and tiny portioned myself to almost 200 pounds

and now i'm wondering: did i have an undiagnosed eating disorder? would it just be classified as disorganized eating (eating disorder NOS)? should i even worry about this?

i've had issues with my body and weight since i started putting the weight on when i was little. even when i was dancing and cheering, i secretly always saw myself as the "fat one". the only time in my life i was ever bullied was in dance class. it was small (especially compared to the routine taunts kids today sustain) and focused on my speech. i was a suburban girl dancing with inner city kids. i was an outsider because i "talked white". i immediately stopped speaking to anyone while at dance class. we left the company when i was in 7th grade over financial issues. it was not about my weight, but a tiny piece of me still thinks it secretly was. i picked up cheerleading freshman year of high school because i missed dance team tryouts by a week. shockingly, i made the JV squad with absolutely no cheer experience at all, and cheered through my junior year. we always joked that i was the bitter cheerleader because i'm not perky in the slightest. in my head, i was the token fat chick. fortunately, i loved our uniforms the last two years. the skirt had side slits on the left that fell open just enough while seated at my desk. i always hated how big i was, but i loved my thighs. mostly muscle from lifting those tiny bitches. unfortunately, being the biggest girl on the squad meant i couldn't sell my uniform to someone when i quit before senior year. no recouping of funds for me. i didn't cheer in college because i never felt skilled, pretty or thin enough to compete with those girls. the girls who barely did thigh stands and couldn't be heard over a nonexistent crowed were still better than i *sigh*

senior year of high school was my worst year. i won't go into much detail, but i spent almost the entire year in therapy. i left with a precautionary diagnosis of borderline depression. or, as i like to call it, stress induced depression. the important focus: homecoming and prom. i went dress shopping with my mom and found two dresses. i somehow convinced her to buy both at the same time because i loved them both. i promised her profusely that i would not ask for another dress. at some point later in the year, i ended up on the floor of hecht's (remember that place?), hiding in the racks, crying because of that stupid promise. everything worked out fine without my pleading with mom for a new dress. homecoming came and went with fun had by many. but as everyone knows, prom is a completely different beast from homecoming

my prom dress was a beautiful light blue with a soft flower applique. it was a boat neck, sleeveless dress with an empire waist. it was a size too small. i went on my first and only diet. my first and only active participation in lent as a true decision making catholic. i gave up meat for lent 2002. a few friends were vegetarian so why the hell not try it. when lent ended, i decided i'd keep not eating meat. partly because i didn't really care to start gorging on meat again. partly because it was going to help me lose weight. i was fitting in that damn dress one way or another. i started drinking slimfast shakes twice a day, breakfast and lunch. it was nice in the mornings because i could drink it on the way to school (or walking to class, if necessary). i was a wee hungry, but i could make it til theater crew. all rehearsals began with a 7-11 run :) hello, large vanilla cappucino. somehow that tided me over until getting home for dinner. don't ask me how i did it. don't ask me how much i lost. i honestly have no clue. what i do know is i fit in that dress and never felt prettier. i also told neal he better have food waiting at his house for when i got there cause i was fucking hungry. by may i think i was feeling the effects of not enough calories, but definitely not associating the two. i just knew that i was hot in that dress, and i pissed some people off. i had fun at prom and at the after party (movies in our jammies with neal's momma loading up the ice cream? uh... hell yea!)

of course, i went back to eating like my normal self after prom. i did keep the slimfasts around for a bit because i actually liked them. eventually, they had to go because i prefer real breakfast to all other consumables. again, don't ask me how much weight i put on or how long it took. i have no clue. i really wasn't paying any attention to myself. i lived my life hating and ignoring my body. it was the enemy and had to be stopped at any costs. at the same time, i wasn't willing to put in the effort to figure out how to combat it. until that day, in 2009, when i stepped on the scale. and the nurse had to move my bracket up. then i realized that i was the enemy, not my body

i don't know if i had a true eating disorder. i do think that i had a brief bought of disorganized eating while also dealing with the tail end of a mild case of depression. my brain sounds fun, doesn't it? i've never used food as a method of control. i've never purged. i can say that i binged, but that's what i'm told the holidays are all about. i've never felt particularly guilty about the food itself. because i didn't connect food with fat. i just knew that i was fat. i, luckily, reached my breaking point before i reached a point of no return. before i had high cholesterol and blood pressure. before i had diabetes. before i had any health problems at all. i took control of myself, connected the dots and changed. 64.6 pounds lighter, i am still a fat kid. but i am not fat

i still prefer a big bowl of pasta with meatballs and mozzarella to a grilled chicken salad. i still indulge in fried foods and american bacon. i still opt for that second yuengling. i am a fat kid. but i will never let myself be fat again. i know how to treat my body better. to work with it so it works for me. i will not allow myself to backslide in to that self loathing chubby girl who wishes she could fade into the wallpaper before anyone notices how hideous she truly is. i am writing this, for the first time without a hint of joking:

i love me

inner fat kid, outer skinny bitch and all

week3 #WWW

2011-01-17T10:51:00.073-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
Do you find that your motivation/mood changes in the winter? If so, what do you do to help/avoid it?
Do you have any advice for your fellow challengers on staying on task?
What day{s} of the week/month do you find it difficult to stay on task/motivated?
Fun Question of the Week: If you were going on a road trip {longer than a day} who would you take with you? Where would you go?

question 1: well... i eated my veggies, i cooked two new recipes and i had a huge loss. i did not get my cardio on this week. i was exhausted wed so i skipped the morning, intending to work out in the evening. that also didn't happen. same as thursday evening, saturday morning and yesterday. absolutely no motivation. even with my brand new wii workout games. sad, but true. the veggies are getting a wee easier since the recipes i've tried have included one serving. yea, potatoes aren't the best veggie, but they're still veggies. i also managed not to go too overboard with drinks. i went out twice, only having one full drink both times. i also had a shot on saturday, but i declined follow up rounds

question 2: my motivation changes throughout the year so i don't notice any particular change associated with the winter. the week before my period is the hardest because i'm always tired and cranky. if i'm annoyed enough though, i work out my frustrations with the wii or treadmill. did not happen this time around *shrug* i think not having a gym membership helps me in a weird way. i've stocked up on stuff to work out at home so it's less hassle when i actually do want to workout. sometimes having to change clothes, drive to the gym and hunt a machine was enough to kill my motivation. two factors eliminated decreases my self-sabotaging most days

question 3: making lists works for me. i know some people have been talking about that, too. i write in my planner what i want to accomplish each day, and cross things off as i go. i also keep sticky notes on my home laptop (thank you, windows7) with an overall list of tasks. i delete each item as i do it :) plus visual aids, of any kind, are a big one for me. i'm more likely to pay attention to things i can see in front of me. sometimes just laying out my workout clothes is enough to get me in them and on the treadmill after work. i also love my weight watchers charts because i can see how far i've come and how far i have to go whenever i need a reminder

question 4: sundays! even though the weekend is one never ending lazy day, i am more likely to get shit down on saturdays. i'm a huge football fan so the last few months have been full of football sundays. i spend most of the day, on the couch in my jammies. so saturdays have become my get shit done days. any cooking, cleaning and laundry have to get done then or they won't get done at all

question 5: funny you ask: neal, cross country. we're taking two weeks this summer for a roomie/bestie road trip. we haven't decided when, where or how, but we're doing it. it's going to be awesome... or one of us may not come back alive ;)

{i am going to kick some ass this week because i can't reach my goals by sitting on my own}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

3.0 down

2011-01-13T00:42:00.000-05:00

how crazy is that shit?! i'm pretty sure at least half of that is water weight. i retain water like a camel the week before my period. it's ridonkculous... so i guess this is my prize for enduring cramps all day [the sporadic SUPER painful kind my friend calls zingers]. because of some things i have read this week, i am trying to hate my body less. the day after i decide to be nice to myself (blog post coming next week) my uterus gives me the finger. our relationship is still complicated... the rest of me? holy shit. i seriously don't know. i was not expecting such a huge loss. that's almost half way to goal! oh yea, so i had to set that officially. i guess i missed a step when sally and i talked about it a few months ago because my goal was not in the system. but it's in my etools. none of the weight watchers systems sync it seems. i had to update my stupid address last week, which is actually the 4th time i've changed it with weight watchers. it took them three tries to get my mailings correct :p so tonight, i made it official with kathy. 128, here i come! with only 3.6 pounds to go, i could be on maintenance by the 2nd week of february. the only reason that disappoints me is because on my original timeline, i would have made lifetime the week of my 27th birthday. double special celebrations :)

i'm not going to worry about that for now though. i'll just try to stay focused on knocking off those last few pounds. gotta stave off the "omg what have i done can i sustain this am i crazy" panic of being at goal. i'll worry about that later. because for now?

(image from weheartit)

i want to revel in this moment :)

in the kitchen

2011-01-12T21:45:00.013-05:00

i rather enjoy sharing these recipes, but realize they can get a bit long. so i'm just linking to the ingredients and instructions (when possible) and noting my changes and such
creamy sweet potato soup[original recipe]

my adjustments: i am not a fan of pecans so they were nixed. i used light butter instead of the margarine, and i traded out the regular chicken broth for a low sodium one. i also used whole wheat flour instead of the all purpose because that's what i keep in the pantry. i've been told they're different, but no one has noticed when eating my foods :p

my notes: with my few changes, the points are five per serving instead of the original six. i generally like to keep my lunches around five to seven points so i'm quite happy. i also added two teaspoons of olive oil to get in my daily recommendation. gotta love those good health guidelines. the taste wasn't affected by the added olive oil, but i still didn't like this soup. i'm not a huge fan of sweet potatoes, but i'm trying to branch out. this was not the way to go. i think it could've used a few more minutes in the food processor and more salt. i would say "next time i'll use regular chicken broth", but that'd be a lie. i had to keep reheating it plus add salt and parm just to get it all down. i think it's more of a texture thing than a taste issue though

slow roasted salmon with potatoes[original recipe]

my adjustments: i killed the leeks so they were out, but i still placed the salmon in the roasting pan, assuming leek juices escaped into the oil or something. i used russet potatoes, sliced up, instead of fingerling, a quarter of an onion instead of a shallot, salted light butter instead of salt and unsalted butter and juice from a whole lemon. i also reduced the amount of salmon to one pound

my notes: i argue with food network on the ease of this recipe. granted, i was also keeping my eyes on two other recipes at the same time. because of my adjustments, the biggest being the amount of salmon, i brought this recipe down to 10 points per serving. not too shabby for a dish that has its own sides incorporated. if i were making this for guests, i would probably double up on the salmon. this was much more appetizing than the soup. i do love salmon though, which helps. also the butter sauce was really good after it settled overnight. i might just buy more salmon and smother it in sauce. gotta use up the chives, parsley and tarragon somehow ;)

i did make the chicken, too, but haven't tasted it yet. i'm really hoping nothing is overcooked. i'm no martha stewart, but i'm not gonna give anyone food poisoning :p

week2 #WWW

2011-01-10T10:50:00.137-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
Are any of your goals repeat offenders (i.e., have you made them before and not succeeded)? If so, what do you intend on doing this time to ensure you achieve them?
Do you have a support system in place to help you achieve your goals?
Are you a planner when it comes to meeting your goals, or do you tend to “wing it” and hope for the best?
Fun Question of the Week: Who knows about your blog? Are you on blogger lockdown or do the “real” people in your life know about your blog/read your blog?

question 1: eat more fruits and veggies? i ate all my roomies bananas and added raisins to my morning oatmeal. it's not exactly two servings, but it's a decent start. i bought more bananas for more snacks; i also bought green beans on sale for dinners. cook more? oh, hell yea. i was only shooting for one, but i pulled four together this week. grocery trip on friday; cooking all of saturday afternoon. not too shabby for a girl who hates to cook. i also have to thank leslie for assisting in the recipe choosing process.i did not realize how many recipes i'd actually gathered together over the years. mostly because i pull them and promptly forget about them. i started with a one inch stack of recipes, which i separated (breakfast, appetizers, etc) to make it easier on myself. the cooking itself was less than fun, but i survived. the three dishes i made smelled awesome. i tasted very little as i'm trying to curb my scavenging ways. recipe four will be made wed night as lunch for the rest of the week :) working out? i did 20min on wed, and my new wii games arrived that afternoon. i didn't pick them up from my parents until fri, but i was stoked to try them out. of course, i didn't actually get around to doing that because of the cooking and wild card football.... shed final pounds? down 0.6 as of wed :D this is great (especially after a weekend at J's and in a week i'm usually up), but i need to step it up if i'm gonna stay on schedule for lifetime

question 2: of the above? eating more fruits/veggies, working out more and drinking more water are always on my list. this is my attempt to make those things part of my good habits so they can finally get off the list :p

question 3: my support system continues to be my close friends, family, bloggers and tweeters. i adore my cheerleaders, even when i don't always believe their compliments

question 4: lol have we met? i plan and overthink everything! it's one of my issues with accomplishing goals. i spend more time worrying about the how and when that i never really get to the doing. i need a game plan for almost everything. i winged it for the crazy cooking, which i regretted almost immediately. cooking three meals with different times and oven settings was not fun. i killed my leeks and may have overcooked the quinoa. for all the other goals, "just do it" needs to be my new mantra

question 5: my college friends know, and i linked it on facebook one time. i'm definitely not hiding, but i'm also not waving it under people's noses. the tiny narcissist in me refuses to keep blogging a secret... except for that one blog

{i had to go with two photos this time. that's my fridge full of goodness. soup and chicken on top; salmon with potatoes on the bottom. the other photo is the clean kitchen. if neal had cooked all day, the kitchen would be a disaster zone for a week. i cleaned and put away every single item i used on sat :p}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

0.6 down

2011-01-07T12:31:00.008-05:00

and i celebrated by eating the last of the oatmeal raisin cookie dough. ok, well i wasn't really celebrating the loss. i was just trying to get my points in for the day. while contemplating my "dinner", which consisted of tortellini, kraft mac and cheese and the cookie dough, something hit me. once classes start, 3 days a week i will not be home until after 8pm. i'm a little sad and a lot nervous about that. i'm also a tiny bit further motivated to cook weekly. if i cook something over the weekend, i won't have to worry about cooking at 9pm after class :) yay for already portioned meals and leftovers. the downside is i need to cook twice a week to feed myself all seven days. right now the plan is to make sat my domestic days: cooking, cleaning and watching my stories ;) sun will be my library days (once football is over naturally). conveniently, most of the meals i pull serve four so i should have food sun through wed (mon through wed being my late nights). this means cooking on thurs for thurs to sat. not looking forward to that. i do have plenty of recipes, but some of them are a bit time consuming. and it typically takes me twice as long to prep stuff as it would a normal person. at happy hour last night, leslie helped me decide on my first two recipes: creamy sweet potato soup for lunch and slow roasted salmon with potatoes for dinner. i added penne with spinach/sun dried tomatoes and slow cooker chicken curry with quinoa to cover the rest of the week. tonight will be a big shopping trip; tomorrow i'll be making everything except the penne. the penne only needs about 30 minutes total. of course, i've already modified all the recipes to my tastes and needs. i don't think i ever just use the recipes as written :) wish me luck cause, goal #2, it is ON

week1 #WWW

2011-01-03T11:30:00.004-05:00

this week's questions:

What are your ten goals for the WWW challenge?
Why did you choose them?
Are you making a New Year’s Resolution beyond the WWW challenge?
What does this challenge mean to you?
Fun Question of the Week: What did you do when the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve?

questions 1 & 2:
(weight loss/fitness)
1. eat more fruits and veggies. i've majorly fallen off the bandwagon so my goal is to eat my five servings per day. gonna start with two per day and work my way up

2. cook more, try new recipes and use the crap in our pantry. i am a creature of habit, but i keep pulling wonderful recipes that i never use. i want to start cooking more just so i can say i tried. i also want to clean out the pantry. we have so much stuff that just doesn't get used. most of it's neal's so at least i'm not wasting my money :p

3. working out. training for the komen walk forced me to workout at least three times a week. guess how much i've worked out since... my goal is to get back up to three times. i won't be walking 18 miles in a day, but i'm gonna do something. i just bought wii fit plus and nfl training camp to push me. the plan is one short workout and one long workout with either turbo jam or rev abs plus one game workout each week

4. become lifetime on weight watchers. i have 7.2 lbs left to go, which is a little over a pound a week for seven weeks. and then i'd have six weeks of maintenance. how convenient that the WWW challenge is 13 weeks ;) i plan to use the above goals to get me to this milestone

(relationships)
5. keep in better touch with friends. hannah always sends letters when she's bored at work, and i get super happy getting them. so i'm going to start writing my own letters to friends at least once a month. a "happy birthday" on facebook and christmas card are not cutting it

6. blog regularly. since (re)starting grad school, my posting has dropped off because it's a lower priority. however, i miss it. i don't have any particular schedule i want to keep between all my blogs. i just know i don't want my last substantial post to be from two months ago. for now, the goal is twice per week on my main blogs and once per week on my side blogs

7. read more. this is more about making time for myself without a computer or blackberry involved. i have sooo many books i want to read, but "never have the time". lies of course. my free time is spent tweeting, watching netflix and napping. not terrible, but i tend to feel like a waste of space after. my hope is to one day read all the books on the banned books list because i think banning books is asinine. for now i'm starting with just finishing a book. back in the day, i would never dream of picking up a book until i had finished the one prior. somewhere in the last four years (six if i include the ever daunting unabridged count of monte cristo), i got sidetracked by too many books. i finished the girl with the dragon tattoo and the girl who played with fire so i have finally turned back to jonathan strange and mr norrell. after that i'm going to finish only revolutions (i blame this book for my waywardness) and make another stab at the count of monte cristo. once i finish these, i'm going to start in on the books i've bought/received in the last three months

(profession)
8. work harder at grad school. i'm trying to be a better, more focused student. so far i have not done very well because i'm still a lazypants. i am going to spend more time in the library, take productive advantage of downtime at work and spend more time acting than planning. the semester doesn't start for a couple weeks so i'm going to attempt to get all my lazy out beforehand

9. stay on budget. i started goals to save money for each semester of grad school. mostly the goals are filled with VA money [the old man's a vet so i get dependent benefits], but i will eventually have to pay something out of pocket. i refuse to take out another education loan so i've been saving a couple hundred each month in anticipation of those costs. in 2011, i want to ramp up my savings goals, even the nonschool ones. based on 2010's numbers, i am going to readjust my original projected budget. i am not changing my deposit schedule, but my hope is to slowly increase the amounts over the next three months

10. get my work hours back on schedule. this is a little but extremely necessary goal. i tweet all the time about being a terrible employee, rolling up as i choose, and i'm over it. starting this week, i am going to get back on an actual schedule. no more "oh i got her at 930/945a, i'll just stay until 6p" bullshit. i hate getting home late evening so i need to start getting my ass to the office before 9a again. if i try hard enough, i can get back on my "out of the office at 4p on fridays" plan

questions 3: nope :)

questions 4: it's a kick in the face reminder that i can improve if i really want to. i've gotten tired of my own whining, and i need to do better. new years always have a rejuvenating quality. so i'm attempting to harness my newness for positive change before old bad habits set in

questions 5: kissed jesse, opened a bottle of sparkling cider and put on another movie. it was perfect

{we celebrated our 1st anniversary on saturday: spaghetti with homemade meatballs and sauce, homemade red velvet cupcakes and donnie darko}

[crossposted]

anniversary dinner

2011-01-02T22:10:00.003-05:00

so last night we celebrated our one year anniversary. instead of going out, we had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. we also had red velvet cupcakes for dessert. "we did everything but roll the pasta ourselves." - J :)

spaghetti: ronzoni whole wheat
meatballs: 85% lean beef (it's the best BJ's had :p), onions, oregano, italian seasoning, egg, potato bread and seasoned crackers
sauce: organic tomato sauce, onion, tomatoes

i made the sauce; J made the meats. all swirled together, it was fabulous. plus we had a ton of beef leftover. lol J baked up the leftover meatball mix meatloaf style. then he used about a pound of the unmixed to make burgers today. and there's still 1.25 pounds left in the fridge. i suspect someone's gonna be eating burgers and mash this week ;)

as much as i liked the spaghetti and meatballs, i ADORED the cupcakes. i copied the recipe my cousin makes for christmas, which is amazing. church ladies know their cakes, people. i made a few substitutions to cut the points, and converted the three layer cake into cupcakes. they turned out SO well

ms. edith's red velvet cupcakes 3/4c all purpose flour
3/4c self rising flour
1/2t baking soda
1/2t salt
1/2t cocoa
7/8c granulated sugar
1/2c buttermilk
1 egg
3T egg whites
3/8c vegetable oil
1/2c unsweetened applesauce
1/2t vanilla extract
1 oz red food coloring
1/2t vinegar

preheat oven to 350°F. sift flours, baking soda, salt and cocoa in small bowl. cream sugar, buttermilk, egg, egg whites, oil and applesauce in medium bowl. blend flour mixture into sugar mixture. add vanilla extract, food coloring and vinegar. fill cupcake tin 2/3 to 3/4 full. bake 15-17 minutes

yields 20-21 cupcakes for six points each

my notes: first and foremost, this is a true red velvet, not that northern fake velvet that's really devil's food cake. second, i've never been big on applesauce, but i am starting to love baking with it. hello, moist deliciousness. i think i might add a little flour to the cupcake wrappers next time to minimize sticking. normally, you would use a greased pan to bake in. to convert back into a cake, double the recipe and split between three layer pans. bake 30 to 34 minutes. i decorated a few for our anniversary and plain iced the rest. there is a cheesecake icing recipe to accompany the original cake, which pits the complete recipe at 18 points per slice (if you can actually get 16 equal sized slices out of your family ;)). i modified that recipe, too (now four points), but didn't use it this time. if you're interested: cream together 8oz fat free cream cheese, 1lb powdered sugar and 1/2c light butter until smooth. add 1t vanilla extract. if desired, fold in 3/4c nuts; adding nuts can increase the points by 1-2 per serving

given all the yum, i managed to only use 9 weekly points yesterday and today. new year's eve? 16 extra points *shrug* oh well... cooking together was definitely the highlight of my weekend. the cupcakes were a close second :)

[update: so i miscalculated the servings; turns out the cupcakes are three points, not six :)]

happy new year

2011-01-01T11:07:00.001-05:00

i forgot some things at home, including my planned breakfast so i'm a wee hungry. otherwise, 2011 isn't starting so badly as i got to wake up next to my favorite boy. who wouldn't be happy with that? enjoy your weekends; i'll be back round on monday with my first winter wonderland warriors update :)

0.2 down

2010-12-31T01:25:00.002-05:00

don't even ask me how. just pass the sammiches... i'm glad that i did not actually gain the 10 lbs i was imagining around my hips. conversely, i am not at my goal weight, but that's ok. i have a new set of weeks in which to accomplish it. starting with this one, i am getting back in to the habit of planning/tracking ahead. i'm spending the weekend at J's and already plugged in potential meals. we're cooking dinner on saturday (it's our anniversary *squee*), and i have a small surprise for him. my best guesstimates use all my points, but i'm saving my spares for that night just in case. there are gaps (dinner tomorrow, lunch sunday, etc), but the point is to at least have ~~an idea~~ a plan. the plan is not set in stone, it merely establishes a guide. weight watchers has helped me learn to be more flexible. because nothing in life ever goes exactly according to plan. and i am having less frequent meltdowns over this...

in an effort to really get my ass back in gear, i'm participating in a winter challenge

i love that it's a challenge "to be the best we can be in the midst of winter", instead of a very specific (determined by someone else) goal point. i'm fleshing out my goals, and i still need a 10th... oh! thought of something relatively small but somewhat necessary. all my goals revolve around my weight loss, personal relationships and professional aspirations. i'll post them once it's all sorted in my head :) i'm getting excited for this because i really do love challenges. what better way to start off a new year?

here's to meeting 2011 head on and kicking some ass

16 in 16

2010-12-27T12:58:00.001-05:00

this is supposed to be my last week of my personal 16 pounds in 16 weeks challenge. wed i am supposed to be weighing in at my goal weight. my ultimate goal weight. which means i would start the new year on maintenance

ha! that's a laugh. the last three weeks have been so off. i won't rehash the stress of december, but i continue to contemplate how poorly i've done in the past few weeks. i actually yelled at my sister because she said "you can get back into it after the holidays". i know she meant well, but i hate when people say things like that. it was that kind of thinking that got me in this in the first place. my health and happiness cannot wait until after the holidays. i need to regain control now. this is one thing i can absolutely not procrastinate on

i did manage to keep my eating in check christmas day and the day after. i had bread pudding, peppermint shakes, honey baked ham, stuffing, scalloped potatoes, red velvet cake and pound cake. both days, around 9pm, i realized i still had points to use. i was that careful about how much i ate. unfortunately, i put in the wrong milk type yesterday and just caught it. i have one uneaten point; annoying. however, i'm not as annoyed as i was when i realized i'd eaten almost 2.5 days worth of points in a single day. travel days are not my friend when i haven't planned ahead. we had panera on the way out, and i just picked a random thing from the menu. breakfast sandwich on ciabatta plus a "low fat" smoothie? 21 points. *face palm* i should've known better. i also ordered a chai and received a second smoothie by accident. add another 11 points. ruby tuesdays for lunch? another 12 points. we had chinese for (an extremely late) dinner, which tacked on another 21 points. including the in-car snacking, i consumed 43 of my 49 weekly points in addition to my usual 29. points i'd been wanting to save for a huge slice of red velvet on christmas day. this is my life. this is my life out of control. thurs left two points on the table; friday i used an extra five. miscalculations have been my biggest problem for the last four days :( also the lack of working out. i brought turbo jam with me with every intention of working out. i should've known better. no dvd player or space upstairs. tv dominated by movies and sports downstairs. tasha has a busted elliptical, trampoline and an ab lounge; useless for burning significant calories. so i've spent a lot of time napping and reading. my google reader is at a respectable level, i finished the girl who played with fire and i watched all but two of my favorite christmas movies. i would pop in love actually now, but we're going to visit my great aunt in an hour. she didn't make it to dinner because she was worried about the snow. atlanta that doesn't really get snow :p we only got a dusting here, but you can't fight old ladies. oh well. i'm kinda excited to go to her house. she always has candy lying around... yes, i am an 8 year old... we haven't been to her house in years, but it always reminds me of my childhood. now that we don't have grandma's house, it's the last tangible thread i have

we're rolling out tomorrow, and i cannot wait. i miss my bed, my sweater weather and my nonjudgmental friends. i will probably miss my mom's family next christmas when we stay home, but i'll always remember why i needed a break. i already copied our favorite recipes from tasha's books. we'll be enjoying them in our own home in 2011 :p tomorrow is going to be a long day, but i'm ready for it. waffle house breakfast, fast food lunch and late ass dinner in my own apartment. can. not. wait

merry christmas

2010-12-25T01:25:00.001-05:00

unofficial 1.3 down

2010-12-16T11:17:00.000-05:00

my post got eated because of this stupid computer. so i leave you with this

cookie exchange is on saturday...

frazzled

2010-12-10T12:29:00.001-05:00

between the wedding, the baby and the end of this semester, i am overwhelmed. i've been enjoying eggnog and candy canes without overindulging though. we kidnapped the bride last night for a low key night out. i had shepherd's pie, an eggnog cocktail and crab dip at dinner. then we walked around downtown for a bit, chatting and being our goofy selves. it was great :) tonight is the rehearsal with dinner at one of my fave places (sister restaurant of galway bay). i also need to pick up the last items for my wedding gift, bags for my christmas gifts and a couple things from my parents' house. thank god all that stuff is within 10 minutes of each other. after dinner, there will be girly nonsense at SB's. i'm not sleeping over since J heads down tonight. i'm gonna have to be a little bad girlfriend though because gifts need to be wrapped, bridesmaid shiz needs to be packed and i really want to get on the treadmill for a bit. tomorrow won't be any better of course. between 9am and 130pm we'll be doing hair, makeup, nails, brunching, dressing, freaking out, giggling and drinking (irish catholics. need i say more?). then it's ceremony, pictures and dancing dancing dancing :) oh and dinner. i have no clue what the reception menu is, but i'm trying to save as many points as possible for dinner and cake. plus there might be an after party and brunch the next day. our (my?) attendance kinda hinges on CTF. she's gonna try to visit family while she's in town so may not do brunch. in which case, i want to hang out after the wedding. if she does come to brunch, it's home after the reception to work on christmas cards and papers. sunday won't be much better. after (before?) brunch, i'm gonna try to pull some more paper stuff together. because they're due on wednesday. and i'm a HORRIBLE procrastinator. i already feel guilty about J's trip down; i'm going to be a completely insane person for the next three days. i can't figure out when i'm going to shave my legs, let alone snuggle up with my boy :( i'm already exhausted from this week (and PMSing), and need to get through five more. did someone say caffeine iv?

all of that to say, you won't be seeing me round these parts until my brain cells calm down after the 15th. also, this is why i missed my weigh in on wednesday. i have no idea how i did in the scale game, and i don't particularly care at the moment. i'm focused on not stress eating, overindulging at the wedding or skipping workouts completely... enjoy your weekends!

i think i can

2010-12-06T17:27:00.000-05:00

i think i can i think i can... stay motivated and on plan. i was not good this weekend, but i wasn't terrible. i had big plans for saturday, which included papering, grocery shopping and baking. instead i spent the whole day in bed "reading" while watching rocko's modern life on netflix. i did manage to finally roll out of bed to put up my mini xmas tree and decorate the mantel. and since i wasn't in the mood to cook, i ordered pizza hut. because of ordering minimums, i tacked on breadsticks and a million packets of garlic butter. all i wanted was a personal pan veggie lovers :p needless to say, i over ate my day and didn't get in any significant activity. sunday, i had brunch with CF. delicious! i didn't eat all of my meal so i had points to spare for the day. which i used, and then some, when i finally made eggnog and gingerbread cupcakes. [extra 22 eaten in those two days] you taste nothing but yum in the classic eggnog, and the cupcakes taste like gingersnaps. i'll probably make a few small adjustments for next time, but, overall, i was quite pleased. i also made another batch of chicken soup in the slow cooker. i tried to add egg noodles, but they dissolved. very odd. N's mom had leftover mix from thanksgiving so she whipped up another bunch of stuffing balls and gravy for us. she also gave us a crapton of turkey. i won't be eating the turkey (not a fan), but you know i'll be enjoying the stuffing (yay carbs). plus N is marinating chicken breasts, which means i'll be eating leftover chicken at some point. he's quite terrible about cooking everything and only eating a fourth. i shouldn't really complain though. he's an excellent cook, and i get to reap the benefits of his kitchen labor. there's going to be so much food in our house for the next couple weeks :)

i will not let all that food get me down. i will not go overboard at this weekend's rehearsal dinner, wedding or post-wedding brunch. i will not drink my weight in tequila at girls night or N's company holiday party. i will not eat all 10 dozen cookies after the cookie exchange. because i can because i can because i can make good food choices and stay active as the festivities kick in to high gear. regardless of the weight changes over the next few weeks, i am going to be happy with where i am and how i've gotten here. as lesley pointed out on my IITGI post: "success will be yours no matter who says anything and how much time goes by". i put notes on my mirror and in my shower as reminders. success is already mine. i have already chugged up that hill, and now i am coasting down the other side

i got this

1.8 up

2010-12-03T00:25:00.001-05:00

oh, thanksgiving, you kicked my ass. i'm a little ashamed at the amount of food i consumed over the last week. so i'm gonna keep most of it to myself today. i will say that i was ok on my portions, excluding the crescents; there was just so much to eat :) i did try a new food over the weekend though. J took me out to dinner when i went up. cute, fancy place with a great menu. J had the four course; i had the two course (snagging some of his dessert ;)). we both ordered salmon chowder as our soup, which was super yummy. i didn't even mind that it had corn (i strongly dislike corn). my main course? le canard aux dates port-said with roasted squash and potatoes. yea, i ate a ducky, and it was delicious! i've always been hesitant to try duck as a) i'm not a fan of other poultry and b) i think ducks are adorable. granted, i also think piggies and cows are adorable, but i will eat the shit out of them. i really can't describe how good the duck was. great texture, yumtastic sauce and not terribly fatty. it went very nicely with my glass of wine, too. the entire dinner was delightful, and i'm proud of myself for actually trying something new. if duck were lighter in the points i'd probably eat it a bit more often

speaking of points, weight watchers rolled out it's updated program on monday. i, of course, was irritable about it and other things. i picked up my new docs when i weighed in yesterday, and read through them last night. the big difference is how the points are calculated. they've switched calories out for carbs and protein. no big. my issue is the technical updates they did to the etools system. i spent a good chunk of monday looking up stuff because they didn't have all the info. i realize they have an extensive database, but the shit i need isn't all there (even though it ought to be). i gave up on a few items because instead of letting me add it's nutritional values, it wants me to replace the item with something else. except there's no item that matches precisely (restaurant foods are not all made alike, people). so now i have to recreate a bunch of my panera foods to add them to my favorites. do not like. my biggest peeves though: 1) they deleted old bay completely so i can't update my crab dip recipe. you cannot substitute for old bay. anyone who says differently doesn't know old bay 2) they say they finally developed an app for non-iphone smartphones, which is a bold face lie. i rooted around in the blackberry app world (on phone and online) to no avail. i am extremely pissed about this because the mobile webpage sucks ass

since the calculations were revamped, a bunch of stuff is now higher in points. naturally, that means our individual point totals also had to go up and the weekly allowance went up. i now get 29 points, which is the absolutely minimum allowed per day. weird since i was not at the bottom of the range before. it was all autocalulated so i have no idea what the breakdown is now. oh well. so far i'm doing ok with this week. i was only four points over yesterday because i finished off the twix. today, i am dead on...

wednesday: cheerios with lotsa skim milk (6), panera tomato soup with croutons & baguette (10), half panera tomato mozzarella panini (10), half slice pumpkin butternut squash bread (3), two mini twix bars (4)

today: two eggs (3), mashed potatoes with gravy (10), 1.5 servings roasted fennel & carrots (3), 90 calorie granola bar (2), whole wheat spaghetti with meatballs (11)

...not terrible. needs more veggies :p there was a client meeting today, which meant leftovers. all the little sandwiches were gone, but there were bagels left. i think i'm gonna have a bagel with breakfast tomorrow. we're out of butter though so i'm trying to think of what i can use as a substitute. i wonder if N has any pb left... i'm also gonna whip up another batch of eggnog and some gingerbread cupcakes this weekend. then i'm gonna top it all off with some spiced vanilla whipahol. there may be a lot of drinking round these parts in the next two weeks. end of the semester crazy and all. plus holiday parties and weddings... i love the holidays :)

i don't think my hips will though ;)

2.2 down

2010-11-25T11:29:00.000-05:00

O.O did you say 2.2??? calling all deities, REALLY?! :D i think i'm cruising for an up week, but i will take these losses quite happily. it was nice being back in my regular meeting, even with AM there. our front desk person still remembers me and my silly tees. she was telling me about one of her gift purchases, a yoga shirt that has inhale and exhale written on the cuffs. so fun :) the meeting was ok. there were only four of us total who stayed after weighing in. assumption was that lots of people were home prepping for today :p of the eight people who weighed in, we lost a combined 10.4 pounds. very exciting

i am at a loss for words on this loss. it was another week in which i expected to gain. i drank too much at hooters and made not so good food choices the rest of the weekend. somehow it all worked out... although, i'm not convinced that it won't hit me at some point. i can't keep consuming tons, not working out very much and expecting to still lose. i'm working on it though. i went a little crazy last night so i'm going to try to take it easy today :)

yesterday started ok. breakfast and "lunch" were cheerios with skim milk (4 points), 90 calorie granola bar (2 points), sugar free jello (0 points) and an ice breakers mint (1 point). [the mint wasn't supposed to be lunch. i just ended up not making anything while i was home] i got home from the office around 215 and sat around all afternoon. took an impromptu nap sitting up (my neck still hurts) and putzed til about 630. headed to the meeting, headed to LH's and off to baltimore. we got to the abbey where you can make your own burger and get tater tots as your side. if there are tots, i am eating them :D their burger checklist is online so i built my burger much earlier in the afternoon. local bison, american cheese, ketchup, mustard, tomato and pickles with no bun. yum yum yum. i estimated 20 tots as the side, and i was only off by two. altogether, that was 20 points of delicious in my belly. i also had a couple magners ciders and a bud light (6 points total). we ended up being out until 1am, but it was a super fun night. one of these days, we're going dancing. i needs to shake my booty (and it's a great workout ;))

today, i am going to remember not to go overboard. the menu for tonight: turkey, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, mashed yams, cranberry sauce, "green stuff", rolls, kale, roasted fennel and carrots, apple and pumpkin pie with whipped cream. it just occurred to me, as i read the menu again, that there will be no macaroni and cheese. while i'll miss it, that is really good. i LOVE mac n cheese a little too much lol. i wish i could explain what green stuff is, but i can't. it's a family thing that sounds weird but tastes delicious. i think i know what i'll be loading up on (not turkey or gravy), but i'm not adding anything until after it's eaten. knowing myself, i'll "forget" to pay attention to portions. but at least i'll have a few hours of black friday shopping to work it off ;)

i hope you all have wonderful thanksgivings. enjoy the food, the parades, the football, the traditions and the company. if you're traveling, stay safe and try to be nice to your TSA agent. these hard working men and women are ensuring the safety of millions of people so cut them some slack. they're still human and have feelings/opinions of their own about what's going down. trust me, the do not get their kicks from feeling up your granny on thanksgiving morning. they're probably wishing they could hug their own grannies before she started working her kitchen magic. so be nice

soup or bread

2010-11-23T16:56:00.004-05:00

so i was on a soup kick a couple weeks ago, but didn't want to buy campbell's or that bland ass progresso. instead, i made my own soup. the chicken was good, but i also decided i was going to make butternut squash soup. i don't particularly like squash (i will fight you if you tell me zucchini or pumpkin is actually part of the squash family), but i'm trying new veggies. so, after studying a ton of recipes on the internets, i started my soup. 20 oz precut butternut squash, 32 oz vegetable broth, 1.5 cups diced onion, 3 cloves diced garlic, 0.5 tbsp brown sugar. put squash in slow cooker with enough broth to cover it. set to cook on high for an hour or so (i really don't remember how long mine was in). throw onion and garlic in food processor to dice; throw onion and garlic into slow cooker with brown sugar during the hour. toss in a random amount of salt and black pepper. transfer slow cooker contents to food processor and puree. scoop everything back into the slow cooker, poor in remaining broth and set to low. wash the food processor parts, and put it away. taste the soup, and realize you aren't liking it. throw in 15 oz pumpkin puree because you have an extra can. remember to stir. double check slow cooker is set for the lowest setting, and head to bed. attempt to write a guest blog post, but zonk out for an hour. wake up at 1130pm, tweak an old blog post, send, close laptop and go to bed for real. realize you forgot to turn off your alarm when it goes off at 630am freaking you out. shut it off, and, just as you are thinking you'll go back to sleep, realize that the delicious smell of pumpkin now wreaks of burning. leap out of bed, rush to the kitchen and find that you've cooked out all of the broth. pull the plug on the slow cooker and your top soup chef dreams. place the inner bowl on the counter to cool, while you go back to bed. you'll deal with the horrible mess you have created after a couple more hours of shuteye. wake up at a reasonable hour for a sunday morning, but lounge around in bed for a few more hours. around 1230, go look at what you have done, decide that it can be salvaged and spoon your "soup" into fridge friendly containers, minding the dark burny bits. start looking up butternut squash bread recipes...

isn't food creation fun?

so i looked up bread recipes, and combined four into one. what i ended up with

pumpkin butternut squash bread
1 cup botched soup
2 eggs
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1.5 cup granulated sugar
1.5 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
cinnamon, nutmeg allspice [i didn't measure]

preheat oven to 350°F. whisk together dry ingredients in large bowl. beat together wet ingredients in small bowl. combine ingredients and beat until well mixed. spray a 9x5 bread pan with pam (or line with foil). pour batter into pan, and bake for 50-60min. it's done when a tester inserted in the center comes out clean

yields 10-12servings, depending on how you slice it, for five points per slice (or four if you can get it into 12 evenly sized slices). yum yum yum

how's the eating the last few days? eh, not my best

saturday (27.5 points): big bowl of cereal with skim milk, cheerios with skim milk, mini pretzels with nacho cheese (harry potter movie food) and whole wheat pasta with meatballs and sauce

sunday (20.5 points): cheerios with skim milk, meatballs with sauce, two triscuits, homemade eggnog

monday (25 points): two 90 calorie granola bars, two mini twix bars, mini 3 musketeers, whole wheat pasta with sauce and olive oil, homemade eggnog, slice of pumpkin butternut squash bread

today (19 points - woot): cheerios with skim milk, 90 calorie granola bar, panera asian sesame chicken salad with apple, whole wheat pasta with garlic salt

i haven't weighed in on the wii out of sheer laziness (and a little bit of fear). tomorrow is my official weigh in, and i'm popping in to my regular meeting. i'm already disappointed though because that annoying lady will be leading. S is officially done for the season, and rumor has it that K will not be returning. double boo for me. i would just not worry about it, except it's the only time i'm going to have for a meeting this week. i'm not in the mood to hunt down a meeting while in PA this weekend visiting J. i'm still debating, however, if i'm going to put in a full day at the office. or if i should spend half the day at home working. that way i can do some treadmill walking, while checking my scant email... seeing as i'm sneaking out an hour early (i haven't done shit in the last five), it bodes very well for my taking a WFH half day *shrug* holidays. i checked out last friday, but forgot to check back in monday ;)

unofficial 1.1 up

2010-11-20T12:28:00.000-05:00

beer beer so much beer. i had thoughts and comments, but i've now forgotten what they were. last night was TONS of fun, but i drank way more beer than i intended. like 7.5 points worth. add in some curly fries that i wasn't planning to have, and you end up with 33 consumed points in a single day. oops. i'm currently on the treadmill trying to work off some of that off. at the speed i'm going, i'll work off just the fries ;)

not much else to share atm. i haven't figured out foods today so i'll just post those tomorrow. for now...

happy harry potter weekend :)

unofficial 0.9 down

2010-11-19T17:07:00.000-05:00

no new insights or squees to share today. i'm also pondering an in it post. it hit me that i haven't posted since august, and i was in all sorts of a foul mood at the time. i'm still coasting on my weight loss high so i wanted to balance those previous posts

food updates... i ended up only having one drink with my quesadilla, and then had some triscuits when we got home. result: spot on for my points :) i'm going out again tonight so i'm allowing myself five extra points. we're going to hooters, where all the food is deep fried and/or smothered in sauce

breakfast (5 points): fiber one cereal with skim milk

lunch (6 points): pizza

snack (5 points): 90 calorie granola bar, two 3 musketeers, tea

dinner (8 points): chicken quesadilla, bud light

yea, this is a quesadilla week. i was originally going to get their mini burgers, but they're more points than i felt would be worth it. i'm not, by any means, going to hooters for the food. i'd rather eat the same thing and save myself those three points for another day :)

unofficial 0.4 down

2010-11-18T17:07:00.001-05:00

so in rechecking my wii numbers, i realized i started adding from the wrong point. by it's calculations, i was down 1.3 yesterday. still not the same as the 1.8 calculated by weight watchers, but not as far off as i thought. so the wii isn't crazy; it's just me ;) and today i'm a smidge down again. considering yesterday's late night foodening, it's even more impressive to me

breakfast (6.5 points): fiber one cereal with skim milk, water, 3 musketeer

lunch (4 points): 90 calorie granola bar, twix

snack (5 points): starbucks venti nonfat chai latte

dinner at 11pm (10.5 points): meatballs with sauce, water

wed evenings can be hard because of class. i wasn't in the mood for panera so i waited til i was home to eat something worthwhile. not the smartest choice, but i'll be back at panera in a couple weeks (no class next week for the holiday woohoo!). tonight should be a little better. we're having a happy hour to belatedly celebrate N's birthday, but i'm not planning to drink much. *fingers crossed* today should go like this

breakfast (5 points): fiber one cereal with skim milk

lunch (2 points): chicken soup, two waters

snack (2 points): 90 calorie granola bar

dinner (10 points): chicken quesadilla, two vodka diets, water

good plan, no? i know i need more fruits and veggies. i'm working on it. it's just taking me a good long while. so is working up to my fitness goals. still a liar in that arena, too. considering that i've had weight loss progress in the last couple weeks simply by managing my food is a big deal on it's own though... can you tell i'm in a good mood still? i'm gonna keep riding the happy vibes for as long as i can. seeing as i'm still hormonal (yay uterus :p), i'm sure something will upset me in the next couple days. it happens *shrug* i hope you're all having weeks that are more good than bad, too :)

1.8 down

2010-11-17T14:09:00.001-05:00

and then there were 7.8 to go. this is why you don't listen to the wii. the wii is crazy. the wii tells lies. the wii will make you think you are not doing as well as you are. well take that, wii :p you say i gained 0.4 for a total of 0.5 down in the last week? weight watchers sees your 0.5 and raises you another 1.3. HA!

and that, my friends, is how i want to celebrate having dropped SIXTY pounds since april of 2009. laughing in the face of my wii and my fatty mcfatself. i can almost smell the leather :D

also, according to my calendar, i have two weeks to lose another five pounds for my 16 in 16 faux challenge. of course, this means stepping up my workout game and not housing the bag of twix on my desk. we'll see how well i do either of those ;) i know there will be a lot of points consumed in the next two weeks (happy hour, tweetup, turkey day and visiting J). i just need to try not to fall completely off the wagon. however, i am extremely happy and proud of myself right now

**awesome gif provided by the ever amazing liz, queen of the gifs. seriously, she's my internet hero

unofficial 0.7 up

2010-11-16T14:58:00.002-05:00

last night's show was fantastic; dinner was yummy. i'm letting those take precedence over everything else. today is a good one. N and i had ethiopian for dinner. it was uberfilling. i ordered beef cotteleti (breaded beef) with spaghetti and tomato sauce. if my calculations are correct it was about 11.5 points, seven points over my daily *shrug* today will also have some weekly point usage

breakfast (4 points): fiber one cereal with skim milk, water

lunch (12 points): pizza, soup, three fun size twix

snack (2 points): 90 calorie granola bar, tea

dinner (5 points): pasta with meatballs and sauce, two water

it's those darn twix and my hungry uterus. i'm hungrier after eating than i was beforehand. it's annoying and completely related to my impending period. *fistshake* dumb uterus. so putting it all together, i'm back where i started on thursday. still a potential loss, but a less impressive one :p

[update]
so i made too much pasta and the meatballs were more points than i thought. therefore, i had nine points instead of five. oops

unofficial 1.1 down

2010-11-15T14:19:00.000-05:00

my brain is so very hurty. i did have a big bowl of cereal for dinner last night. and then i had a glass of wine. ugh apparently, that was a bad idea. i have a wine headache, and i'm exhausted. granted the exhaustion could also be from staying up to watch the entirety of the steelers patriots game (what was that you were saying sarah? ;)) and having a heart to heart with N. tonight's going to be another long one because N and i are seeing kate nash in DC. i'm excited, but i'm also hoping my headache is gone by then. i can't take over the counter pain meds so i just have to ride it out. there's a chance i might duck out of the office early to take a nap... in the meantime, today's meals

breakfast (5 points): fiber one cereal with skim milk, water

lunch (7.5 points): pizza, chicken soup, water (2), 3 musketeer

dinner: undecided as we'll be out

and a bit of commentary. i've been reading some very interesting posts this morning. chad says eat real things like usual. but these are real things that i really like :) apparently, broccoli is good for staving off lung cancer. considering i live in one of the worst areas (in terms of air pollution) that makes me feel pretty damn good. a good friend of mine and i were kinda talking about it on saturday. she has lung issues and can't wait to move out of maryland. i will miss her, but i'll have double the reason to visit arizona in a couple years :) heather was also talking about eating, encouraging people to eat slower. it was one of the topics we touched on in saturday's weight watchers meeting so i was already thinking about that. i've always been a slow eater, which also led to my undereating. nowadays, i eat slowly because i talk too damn much :) in the meeting, we discussed strategies for successfully getting through turkey day. mine is to keep up conversation. a) i'll be less likely to overeat b) people will be less likely to notice how much i'm actually consuming c) it's just fun talking with N's family. N's family aren't really food pushers, but i sometimes feel guilty cause his mom makes SO MUCH. we'll definitely take leftovers though :)

another interesting post, which has nothing to do with weight, came from emily. she is facing her fears, embracing her awesome and joined a glee club. i know she'll rock it, and i wish i could go see their big performance in the spring. i'll definitely be there in spirit cheering her on. now what the hell does that have to do with my quest for my inner skinny self? well, that's my fear. that i'm going to put in all this work, and it won't be worth it. that the only thing on the inside is another fat self, eating everything deep fried and wrapped in bacon. i never really thought of it as a fear, but i truly think my reasons for ignoring my body were driven by fear. i used to have reoccurring dreams starring a thin me, but deep down i don't think i believed she really existed. i still don't know if she does... but i do. i've shed almost 60 motherfucking pounds. i am my skinnier self, and i am happier with my body. i know it's going to be a struggle working off the last pounds and maintaining my new weight. however, i'm more ready for the challenge than i was in the past. this is me facing my negative, scared self and saying "neener, bitch"

unofficial 0.7 down

2010-11-14T19:46:00.001-05:00

crazy wii strikes again. i'm telling you that thing is full of it. in other news, i made it to a meeting! yay me :) got my tush out of bed at 9am yesterday morning to get to the 10am meeting. it was so nice being surrounded by like minded people again. i'm lucky that there are very few saboteurs in my life, and none purposely trying to throw me off, but sometimes it's too hard for people to really understand what i'm doing. it gets frustrating when i'm eating something, and i'm constantly asked if i can have it. yes, i can eat whatever i want. no, you cant. uh, yes, i can. my old coworker is the worst. i know she means well, but she's always harassing me about my snack choices. if you don't deprive yourself of things you like, you're less likely to overindulge later. plus you don't have to feel guilty for eating it afterwards. yea, i did mention y'all shaming me in to eating better, but that's not quite the same. i can have pizza hut or a cookie; i just can't eat nothing but pizza hut and cookies. today, i'm struggling a bit because i want to stretch the foods i have in the house. i did end up making pizza for dinner on friday. i also made myself a drink and ate a couple extra bites of cheese. the pizza wasn't too bad (perdue chicken short cuts, dill, pizza sauce, meunster cheese, grated parmesan and pillsbury pizza dough = four points for two slices). however, with the extras, i used an additional six points overall

saturday was a bit better foodwise. brunch (14.5 points): 1/2 glass of skim milk, egg white omelet with turkey sausage on a multigrain bagel & three hashbrowns from dunkin donuts. dinner (6.5 points): pizza, tea with honey. two weekly points used. i got a tiny bit of activity in at a craft fair yesterday, but not enough worth tracking. there was a woman selling weighted hula hoops, and i took one for a spin. super fun :) after i got home, i napped and watched say yes to the dress on netflix. no cleaning got done unfortunately. today is another off one. i decided not to weigh in on the wii today. too tired, too lazy *shrug* did a little laundry, took a long shower and went grocery shopping. then LH and JL came over to watch football :D i also decided to make soup in the slow cooker: perdue short cuts (i really really hate cooking chicken), chopped baby carrots, celery, cucumber and chicken broth. as it is, the soup is two points per serving (four servings total). but i think i'm gonna add 1.5 cups of egg noodles to it, which would bump it up to three points per serving. i only had one bowl, but i also had some chips, queso and salsa. N ordered in yesterday; the girls and i finished it off oops :) luckily, there wasn't much to finish so not too point unfriendly. so today? breakfast: missed it. lunch (9.5 points): chips with queso/salsa, soup, tea with honey. now i'm debating dinner. i don't want to eat the pizza i made because that's my lunch for the week. i don't want to make pasta because that'll be dinner all week. this leaves me with more soup, cereal or random stuff. the random stuff are various grains N bought that we have yet to use. i'll probably end up having lots of cereal... and maybe a mixed drink. otherwise, i may order a medium pizza and breadsticks from pizza hut before i fully convince myself it's a bad idea ;) goal is to only eat my remaining 9.5 points and no more. so... *sigh* no pizza hut, pan crust meat lovers for this girl

how have your weekends been?

curse you, wii

2010-11-12T16:08:00.000-05:00

so now the wii tells me i'm up 1.1 since yesterday. i think it's fucking with me... i stayed up far too late last night watching the ravens/falcons game. ugh i'm so pissed with our o-line right now. i could punch flacco in his stupid face. three years in, he's still making rookie mistakes. i gave him a lot of leeway last year, but no more. learning curve time is up, dude; get with the program. aside from an abysmal week 10 game (ugh the steelers are back on top), dinner was quite delicious. i am seriously in love with artichokes. i don't even know when it started, but i've been missing out all these years. plus my portions were smaller than i anticipated (hell yea tapas) so i had a dinner roll, too. with the addition and recalculations, i only needed four weekly points. i was even good with the chips and queso. it helps that i was talking more than eating at the time :) i ate way less than i thought i would and was quite full

not sure what i'm going to do with food today. i'm already having tea, but i have no lunch plan. no cooked food in the apartment and really don't want to go to panera again. not entirely sure i want to leave the office at all for lunch. partly cause i'm lazy; partly cause i'm being cheap. it's definitely going to be a weird one

breakfast (7.5 points): quaker oatmeal with skim milk and honey

lunch (?): 3 musketeers, tea, more 3 musketeers?

dinner (?): mashed potatoes, ?

...and of course, as i stopped writing this to do some other stuff a few hours ago, i have eaten two fun size twix bars as my "afternoon snack". ugh today is a toughie. maybe i'll make that pizza instead of the potatoes... yea, ignore the food above. it is a lie, but my indecision over what to eat prevents me from just deleting it. i need a placeholder. what i can tell you is that, as of 405PM, i have consumed exactly 13 points. 5.5 of those were from leftover halloween candy. i am so damned strong willed :p

i'll try to be better tomorrow :)

idealistic

2010-11-11T18:17:00.000-05:00

so after posting that last update, i read this piece on feministing. '[I]t’s possible that if you are eating a balanced diet and exercising several times a week, you are already at your ideal weight. To lose any more would be fighting nature.' while i am not eating very balanced and struggling with activity at the moment, this is definitely something to keep in mind. this is what i'm working towards. i have a specific number purely for weight watchers purposes; the real goal is to find my happy self. anything else would be just silly :p

unofficial 0.9 down

2010-11-11T12:38:00.001-05:00

that's what the wii says, which seems a bit crazy to me. almost an entire pound? in a day? really?! *shrug* whatever, wii, i'll trust you for now. today is mom's birthday, and we're going to jalapeños. it's a great spanish/mexican place that is slowly becoming mom's birthday place. i already know what i'm going to have, and it fits nicely in my daily points. have i mentioned how much i love online menus?

breakfast (8.5 points): three pancakes, maple syrup, skim milk

late lunch (5 points): chicken noodle soup with baguette from panera

late dinner (5.5 points): alcochofas salteadas, filetito de salmon [sauteed artichoke hearts with ham & salmon fillet in butter]

i'll probably have chile con queso too, but i'm going to be good about not gorging myself :) plus no margaritas for me, just water all day. sticking to this, i should only use about five or six of my weekly points. we did not have drinks last night so i still have my full 35 to use. i promise this will not be me tonight

(me in 2006, visiting friends in tucson. goooood times hahaha. HB took that)

9.6 to go

2010-11-10T19:36:00.001-05:00

so i somehow managed to pull off a loss today. i braced myself for a three pound gain, but eeked out a 0.6 loss from two weeks ago. that puts me at 58.6 pounds dropped and only 9.6 pounds to go til goal. EEEEEP! granted, it sucks looking at some of these numbers. i have a 3.2 weight change (down) over the last 10 weeks; i'd dropped 16.6 in the previous 20. as i mentioned before, i know it's related to my lack of meetings. it's also related to my lack of training. i was walking like a fiend in those 20 weeks, and now i'm barely mustering up the energy to weigh in on the wii. so i'm forcing myself to stick to my "new" schedule, finding a "new" meeting and increasing my accountability. so... you guys are gonna get the full view of my crazy ways. this is almost like starting from the beginning so...

starting weight: 196.2 || current weight: 137.6 lbs || goal weight: 128 lbs

the schedule (mon to sun):

this has been my post-komen schedule for the last month (with an addition). guess how well i've done with it... i have several goals already: get to work "on time", workout regularly, actually do my homework... and i'm taking on ww meetings. since i can't attend my usual wed night meeting until dec 15th, i'm going to go to a location closer to home* that has evening hours on thurs/fri and mornings on sat. i am going to go starting this week because i really really really need to. whether i like the groups or the leaders doesn't matter, my ass needs meetings like an addict fresh from rehab. i would go tomorrow (like the schedule says), but it's my mom's birthday and the meeting is in the opposite direction

the reinforcement:

amounts are based on how difficult i believe each is and are completely arbitrary. i've had this reinforcement plan in place since april and have earned myself $221.98 as of yesterday. keep in mind i removed komen training ($1.50) since i'm no longer in training. the money goes towards three of my smartypig goals. i do so love when my little "transfer funds?" note pops up, but the only way for that to continue is to be active. activity activity activity... if i say it enough times, it'll eventually stick, right? it has to

what i've eaten today (as of 630pm):

breakfast (7.5 points) - two apple cinnamon pancakes (slightly modified, no change to points/serving), maple syrup, skim milk, water

lunch (2.5 points) - fun size 3 musketeer, tea, chicken noodle soup from panera

dinner (9 points) - 1/2 mediterranean veggie sandwich & chips from panera

zero points remaining for the day; no weekly points used. however, N is now talking about tequila shots. there may be a couple points added before the end of the night... i know it's not the most exciting thing to see what i've eaten. however, i'm attempting to shame myself into eating better. i track EVERYTHING i eat, but i'm the only one who sees it. who cares if i downed a whole bag of cheetos? that's between me and the weight watchers servers :p so posting it here, i am opening myself up to judgement, criticism and (hopefully) suggestions**. it's going to be a very fun few weeks. bring it on :p

*my regular meeting is closer to work
**i know you guys wouldn't really be mean, but constructive criticism and suggestions would be greatly appreciated

stumbling blocks

2010-11-09T23:42:00.000-05:00

my weekend away was lovely. thanks for asking :) i did not, however, do very well on the food front. with all the meals (including a sheetz trip) i kinda overate my week. i did manage to get a few activity points, but not enough to make a dent in the quality of munchables i consumed. luckily (and annoyingly), the cupcake place was closed on sunday so we didn't buy a dozen as planned. i did have a tiny epiphany though. i am really not able to self monitor. i knew this going in, but it hit me hard this week. i haven't been to a meeting since the semester started, and it's crushing me. i miss getting the feedback, congrats and just positive energy from the rest of the group. my hope was to hit goal by the end of the year. i'll be lucky if i lose even a few pounds by that point. at the rate i'm going, it's going to be a long ass winter

i'm scared, annoyed and a little hopeful. i know my issues and weaknesses. i'm going to try to work on them. i am going to walk in to weight watchers tomorrow and try not to let the numbers shake me. i am expecting a gain so i'm going to keep my head up as best i can. i am going to keep trying to break back into my good habits: getting up early, working out and eating right. today, i was awake a little after 6am. around 7ish, i popped in turbo sculpt. even though i'm more fatigued (period next week), i attempted to do every rep in every set. i promptly crawled back in to bed to putz around even though i should've showered and eaten. what? i'm an internet addict :p i had pancakes and eggs for breakfast with syrup and milk. i had two fun size 3 musketeers for lunch (yea, i know). dinner was a giant pile of spaghetti with sauce and parmesan. i made more than intended so i skipped the glass of wine. i'm now on my 3rd glass of water for the day. not the best, but an improvement... granted, it's still not helpful given my gluttonous weekend. i am going to do better. i just can't wait til i can go back to my meeting so i can get my face to face positive reinforcement. that's when i'll fully get back on the wagon. only a few more weeks :)

incredible blob

2010-11-04T18:39:00.000-04:00

i am so exhausted this week. recovering from this weekend, staying up to watch election results and a case of the rainy day sleepies are hitting me super hard. plus i realized next week is my pre-period week. i'm going to be exhausted then, too; i just can't catch a break. the downside of this has been no working out. i did not do my 30 minutes on the treadmill monday, and i have not so much as looked at a workout video in ages. luckily, this weekend is N's birthday trip to pittsburgh so we're gonna be out and about for a couple days. we're going to try to hit up the market and a couple museums. walking away the pounds, peeps :p i'm also going to try to eat mindfully. mini road trips do not need to be the straw for this camel. plan is to save my weekly points for a nice dinner (we're fancy bitches, even if we look like riffraff :p). every other meal and snack needs to fit in my 19 point per day plan

the other consequence of my lazing/fatigue was skipping this week's weigh in. i overate my week so i had a feeling i would be up. plus i was short on time at work because i overslept the last few days. didn't really want to take the time to run across the street to get my new number. it kinda sucks because this was a checkpoint week in my 16 lbs in 16 weeks goal. not that i've been trying very hard, clearly. i needed to have lost three this week to hit my mark. definitely didn't happen. not terribly upset about the specific number, more concerned about the impending gain. tonight, i'm focused on getting some good sleep. i have a half day at work (yay) and a five hour drive (boo) to get through tomorrow. then two days and two nights in the steel city pretending like i'm not a tourist ;)

*yawn* catch y'all in a few days (and hopefully in a better and less sleepy mood) :)

1.8 down

2010-10-31T22:17:00.002-04:00

we're officially in the 130s (eep!), and i lost another point this week. good thing i had a low point salad for lunch on wed :) it was J's birthday so i got pies from dangerously delicious pies: pork bbq and apple with a crumble top. yum yum and more yum. thanks to good planning, i ended up only using an extra 1.5 points :) over the last few days, i've eaten leftover pie, gone to houlihan's and thrown a party. admittedly, lots of high point foods and drinks were consumed. however, i still have nine extra points remaining for the week. goal for tomorrow is it do a bit of walking after work to further offset the weekend. i did my 30min with the wii last week, and i want to make activity a habit again :)

since my brain is still recovering from an onslaught of liquor and snacks, i'm gonna cut this post short. hope you all had a happy halloween :)

[ray lewis four days before he collapsed]

update: make that five remaining points. curse you, puff'n corn!

hide the cake

2010-10-25T15:33:00.000-04:00

i really really really should not be allowed near sweets. they might be my red light food; all of them... N's brithday was saturday so we had dinner with his parents, my other family. fun as always :) mom made cake - three layers of yellow with chocolate icing. it was super delicious and totally came home with us. as of this morning, there are two pieces left. we had cake for dinner yesterday... after i had apple pie for my first course (pie that N made with mom on saturday just because)... after having an apple crescent and apple pancakes for breakfast. i also had a cookie as prebreakfast. all of it yummy; little of it sustaining

a couple weeks ago, i was going to try cutting back on sugar. that is clearly not going well. i don't eat a ton of sugar on a regular basis, but i know i can eat better. i obviously need a game plan, but sticking to it is so hard. every plan i have falls through because i'm a lazy bum. i have no one to blame except myself, and i know it. first thing i really need to do is get back on schedule. i don't go to bed on time, i don't get to the office on time and i certainly don't make time to be active. i still have a schedule; it's just been ineffective since the komen walk. i've been on break for two weeks...

fuck it. i need to stop whining and making excuses. it'd be great if i had a live in personal trainer to constantly kick my ass, but i don't... i'm going to get myself some tea and finish writing my thank you cards. i have two hours and 17 cards left (i know. so hard :p). i have shit to do after work, too, but i'm going to do at least 30 min tonight with the wii. it. will. happen

it's time to kick my own ass. starting now

let's go with no change

2010-10-21T13:49:00.002-04:00

i missed my weigh in yesterday because i was having a fight with IT. we're now on the corporate platform, but my computer is all fucked up. i didn't realize how long i'd been fiddling with things until it was well after the noon meeting ended. so no official weigh in for me. i'll probably weigh in on the wii later... if i remember

in other news, i made apple cinnamon wontons the other night... sorta :) i was going to use this weight watchers recipe, but i couldn't find wonton wrappers anywhere. instead of ordering some from amazon, i substituted. what will you need? three medium apples (i used fresh braeburns), one tbsp brown sugar, 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon and two packages of reduced fat pillsbury crescents. what should you do? preheat oven to 350°F (i use nonstick pans). peel and mince your apples. combine apples, sugar and cinnamon in medium bowl (big enough that you can stir without sending apple bits over the edge). place spoonful of apple mixture on to each crescent and roll as usual. fold up edges to hold apple bits inside. sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on top. bake 11-13 minutes, until golden brown. yields 16 servings (2.5 points per crescent)

my notes: i slightly underbaked mine, but i like that they're still a little doughy. i'm a weirdo i know. it also allows them to reheat nicely without overcooking. then again, they're also delicious cold with a glass of milk. we picked a ton of apples so i think i'm going to use the apple filling mixture for some apple pancakes... or apple biscuits... oh! and N is making apple pie. normally, i don't like pie, but i'm having a menage love for apples and cinnamon at the moment :)

i realize this is a ridiculously easy recipe, but i still thought i'd share :p enjoy!

b-words

2010-10-19T11:46:00.000-04:00

i'm attempting to get back to basics since i keep stumbling through my weight loss. choosing my points carefully. loading up on fruits and veggies. using weekly points for occasional splurges. i'm also attempting to eat my way out of the pantry. we stocked up on a few things, but have yet to use them. plus constantly buying new food does not help my money saving efforts. unfortunately, these two trajectories do not sync up very well. our pantry is currently full of stuff i shouldn't eat much of, they don't easily make meals and there's not much veg in the bunch. we bought a million apples over the weekend (went pumpkin and apple picking :D), but that's cause N's making pie. naturally, i don't want to snack on those before he has a chance to use them. granted, knowing him, i'll probably have to eat them before they go bad. oh the dilemma of our apartment...

so this week is going to be a bit rough. i really need to take inventory of the kitchen and start pulling recipes. i also need to get N to start really cooking again. his new doctor agrees with me that all the take out is fucking with his system. hence is inability to shake a fauxcold :p next step is to get him to work normal work days so he has time to cook after work. or at least cook on the weekends in prep for crazy weeks. we'll see how that goes over the next month or so. i know it won't happen on it's own, but i hate begging/nagging.

though, unlike N, i have new motivation for dropping these last 12 pounds: i'm going to be a bridesmaid :D

my darling friend from elementary school is getting married in december. one of her original maids had to step down so she asked me to step in. i can't even begin to tell you how excited i am about this. i LOVE weddings. she asked on sunday morning. by sunday night, i had a dress. today, i have two new pairs of shoes to decide between. the big deal is the dress. it is the smallest dress i have ever worn in my life. it's WAY smaller than the last bridesmaid dress i bought for HHF's wedding. i've picked up new dresses since 07, but they've been less formal so i wasn't as anxious about the sizes. right now the dress fits pretty well, but it shows off my lovehandles a bit, depending on how i stand. i'll also be reading something in the ceremony so i can't just hide in the lineup. goal is to drop seven pounds in the next seven weeks, mostly from around my middle bits. i've heard conflicting information about targeting problem areas so cross your fingers everyone. my ass and legs look great, but i need to beat this bulge

and don't worry. photos of the dress are forthcoming :)

no change

2010-10-14T15:08:00.001-04:00

i'll take it after the ridiculous weekend i had. the big komen event is now over for me. yay! it was exhausting, fun and painful. i earned 43 activity points and ate every single one (and then some...). i won't do a full recap, but here are some highlights and insights

- i love DC so very much. walking through downtown was actually not terrible in terms of scenery. the route wasn't too bad around the mall and parts of NW. georgetown? awful. i love bricks, but old uneven busted up brick walkways are not your friend. i was tweeting (i'm a rule breaker. what of it :p) most of the morning with no walking issue. when do i trip? on a brick a half inch above the others when i was just talking to N, looking where i was going. ridiculous. as we got closer to MD, the blocks got longer, and there was a HUGE stretch uphill. however, there were still plenty of trees and such to shade our path

- i pulled a muscle in my right foot on day one. at first, i just fanned my toes out with each step and full stretched at every brief stop, which helped. however, i did reach a point where i felt i should stop so i did. know your body, people. unfortunately, my foot wasn't back to 100% for saturday so the first six miles were a little hard. i had them wrap my foot/ankle though and felt sooo much better after. while i was waiting at medical, i nearly threw up/passed out because my blood sugar crashed. what was that about knowing your body? i did not take into account the faster pace and longer stretches of hill with fewer breaks. should've been guzzling my powerade before that point. luckily, i scarfed some water and goldfish before my body went into full retaliation. after that i went at a much slower pace

- hills are not my friend. i sprained both knees (left worse than right) ages ago and didn't really heal the way i was supposed to. come on, i was seven and crutches were not cool. if i push myself too hard, i get little flare ups of knee pain. well saturday i pushed too hard. i called it quits about half way through the course, but didn't think i needed to ice/wrap it. i am an idiot. sunday i could barely make it the first three miles. i was willing myself not to cry it hurt so bad. unfortunately, there was no medical at the first stop so i got swept to the second. 20 minutes with an icepack, got wrapped and got swept to lunch. after lunch, i felt much better. the wrap reduced my range of motion, which kept it to the dull pain space. stepping on and off curbs didn't send spasms of horror up my legs :) walked the next 3.2, but was so exhausted from adjusting my stride for the limp that i opted to sweep to the end instead of walking it. although, for the amount of time we sat on the bus (two hours), we probably could've hobbled those last 3.1 *shrug* still proud of the miles i actually conquered (and i got a nap heehee)

- massages after day two? genius! i'm so glad amy asked her guy to come down for us after the longest most exhausting day. if anyone's planning to do a multiday event, i highly recommend booking a massage for midway through the event. also if you're planning to do a multiday event, be prepared to take a couple extra days off work afterwards. i worked from home monday, which consisted of icing my knee (because it was actually swollen) and taking a two hour hot bath. tuesday was rough, but i made it through the day ok. yesterday was the real test since i had class. i survived and iced when i got home just as a precaution. today? only a little tightness from sitting in the same position. so i get up every so often to give it a little stretch. i think i'll be ok after this weekend

- "camping" in a hotel? oh hell yea that $200 was worth it. sucks that we had to switch hotels at the last minute, but i'll be damned if i was gonna sleep in a pink tent for two nights. warm comfy beds, bathtub, private potty, cable and wireless internets make for very happy michelles. yes, i am a princess :p

the weekend was definitely an adventure. and of course i've already started looking at other events for 2011 :) i will walk again, but i won't be doing the komen 3day. it was just a bit too intense for me. have any of you participated in events that you'd recommend (i'm not exclusive to breast cancer ;))? have any advice for surviving extended events? want to send me cookies for being so awesome?

just kidding on that last one :)

2.6 down

2010-10-12T16:37:00.000-04:00

12 pounds to go... only one pound off from where i wanted to be at this point. i'm hoping the crazy komen event will give me a bump in the right direction. although, i'm worried it won't because of all the snacking. more energy out requires extra energy in, but i think (with all the high point/full fat foods) that i ended up overcompensating. i earned 43 points over the course of the three days, which is RIDICULOUS. i want to thank the "hills" of gaithersburg for that. i ate all of those points... and 29 more. i don't know if i miscalculated my activity or food, but i know the numbers will not be in my favor regardless of finagling. i'm just hoping that my body actually managed to burn all the excess food so i don't gain this week. i won't lie; i'll be devastated if i'm up. i'm getting so close to the end, and i'm more emotionally invested than when i started

i never thought i'd be at this point, weighing less than i did when i started high school. i didn't believe i could be in single digit clothes, but i successfully put on and zipped size 8 boot cuts at old navy last week (didn't buy them). it never occurred to me that i would actually be happy with the way i look instead of indifferent/ashamed. i have come a long fucking way from where i was, and i'm fighting not to go back... i just keep wondering if i'm fighting hard enough to make it last

but i want to belive the finish line is close

1.2 up

2010-10-03T18:26:00.000-04:00

ugh seriously? i just gained back what i dropped last week. boo boo boo. i guess this is what i have to look forward to after my komen training is done. even though i've already scheduled time to workout, i know i'll be less likely to follow through. dammit i need better reinforcement or something (my brain is full of learning and cognition at the moment. yay grad school)

*sigh* i'm trying not to be so disappointed with myself, but i feel like a huge failure. it's taken me four days just to write this post because i'm so annoyed. what am i doing??? i know i feel better when i work out. i know it helps me get closer to my goal. i know it helps balance against what i eat. yet, i'm still sitting here doing very little. i need to walk, read for class, finish blog posts and do a class write up. i want to just watch football (first ravens/steelers meet up of the season!), read for fun and nap. oh and eat junk. i could get away with indulging a little foodwise if i got my ass on the treadmill... i just don't have the mental energy to do it. i'm spiraling mentally. i'm stressed about school, work and upcoming events. i can barely finish a single thought before i start thinking of a thousand other things i need to do or say or remember. how am i supposed to take care of me??? when i get too stressed, i start shutting down and lashing out. it's already started, and it's very difficult to snap out of it. it's like i need someone standing over me, constantly reminding me of what i need to be doing and making sure i do it. i'm terrible at self monitoring, especially in moments like this...

today, i am a disappointment

1.2 down

2010-09-23T14:05:00.000-04:00

i worked my ass off this week, and it shows. i also ate more than intended, which may show up next week. i plan to keep working my ass off in hopes those extra points don't catch up to me ;) although, i'm not making it easy on myself. i'm going to a bridal shower this weekend and getting sushi on tuesday. i'm also determined to get a pumpkin cream cheese muffin from starbucks this week. i was going to get the 11 point devil yesterday, but the campus fauxbucks didn't have any. thwarted for now, but they can't stop my forever. that's the power of real starbucks; there's one on every corner, bitch

my happy for the week? love of my life jackie warner is back on tv. my sad for the week? bravo only has the first episode online. i'm so annoyed because i really wanna watch it, but we only have basic cable (comcast can continue to suck it). i might have to start spending random time at my parents' just to get my jackie fix. things i'm loving about thintervention? the "cast"; i already have faves. nikki is so crass, but she's hilarious. bryan is my favorite kind of gay: sassy and lives on sugar. jeana from the original housewives because she's just such a sweetheart. mandy, kim, shannon and stacy are all dolls, too.... hmmm i should rephrase. i love everyone, except joe. i think he's doing this for the wrong reasons, which pisses me off. sexual attractiveness is a valid reason, but it can't be your ONLY reason for weightloss. granted, joe may turn out to be not such an asshole or he may realize there's more to this than boning hot chicks. i wouldn't know since i can't watch...

jackie's also incorporated group therapy, and it looks like they really get in to some good stuff about food issues. <3 jackie even more for highlighting that there is a psychological component for many people when it comes to food. psychology is involved in everything we do, and few makeover shows address it appropriately, if at all... also? jackie sneak attacks the cast on a regular basis. rather than just sending them off everyday, she assigns homework and actually checks to make sure they complete the assignment. i think it's hilarious because she freaks them out constantly. i hope they got caught doing what they're supposed to more often than not as the weeks progressed

the last thing i thought was interesting were the interactions between the cast. well i guess more so the confessional discussions of their interactions. there is so much fat hating! nikki and joe are the WORSTS. i'm probably going to rewatch the first episode during one of my training walks and take notes. as much self loathing as there was, some interesting comments were also made. there is some insight, which is great and also familiar. there were a few times that someone said something i'd thought or said in the past year. i was honestly surprised; i thought that i was the only person who had felt those things. i ought to know better :p

it was definitely worth my 45 minutes while on the treadmill (i love multitasking). if you have any interest in weight loss shows (or crazy people), i highly recommend checking it out :)

0.4 down

2010-09-16T11:59:00.000-04:00

part of me thinks i should be reflecting on my current progress. large steps back and inching forward. i know it's because i haven't worked out at all since the end of august*. and i've been eating like crap. throw my period in to the mix, and it's a hodge podge of fatty fatness. i know what i have to do, but doing it takes so much effort. i already made time; i just need to muster up the energy to care

because the other part of me is that part that doesn't care. it just wants to nap and eat cheetos all day. let's call that part my uterus. i hate the week before i actually start. i'm typically up (or a tiny bit down) because i retain water like a spongebob square camel. just thinking about getting on the treadmill makes me tired. honestly, i'm fighting the urge right now to crawl under my desk to sleep for the next six hours. i'm gonna have three snacks today: tomato with fresh mozzarella (currently munching), baked salt & vinegar chips and a reduced fat granola bar. i'll still be hungry after that (plus my sandwich) so i'll probably have a cookie with dinner. i don't like playing this game with my body, but it's unavoidable. in the past, i've been better at fitting in cravings without sacrificing a thousand points. i've been over my daily limit more times than not in the last month. and two weeks ago, i exceeded my weekly points. i know i'm not going to lose every week or at the same rate month to month. but it's still disheartening to know that, exactly 50 weeks ago, i hit my 10% target. since that week, i've dropped 33.2 pounds (average 0.66 pounds/week). i hit 140 three weeks ago (12 pounds away from goal), and now i'm back up to 142.6. sabotaged by my own body. i'm already losing definition in my tush, and my belly is still as round as ever. i know i'm being nitpicky, but it's just so frustrating

*sigh* things will be better after this week. i'm typically less mopey and fatigued once my period starts. all those excess hormones also get shed... or something. tonight, i am going to do 45 minutes of cardio. saturday, i am going to get back on the treadmill. these things must happen; i hate letting my body best me :p

*i was in a minor accident on the 29th; a fender bender that left me with soreness and tension in my back. i was too nervous about doing any additional damage so i took a break from training/workouts. i'm feeling so much better after seeing my chiropractor the last couple weeks

drink up

2010-09-14T12:18:00.000-04:00

i don't have time for a proper post; too far behind on my homework :p however, i just replied to a friend of a friend about the wonders of weight watchers. so i thought i'd extend an offer to y'all. if anyone has questions about weight watchers, feel free to ask. leave a comment or shoot me an email [mcschoon at gmail] cause i totally drank the kool aid and love to share it :)

2.2 up

2010-09-08T12:57:00.000-04:00

well i saw that coming. oh well; setbacks happen. on to other stuff

i could really go for a pizza right now... actually, to be perfectly honest, i could go for anything smothered in cheese. i'm on a tomato and mozzarella kick this week. i need to stop by whole foods to pick up some fresh supplies instead of getting another panini from panera. anyone know how to effectively roast a tomato?

since i've got a craving, i'm finally going to share the pizza nonsense i threw together ages ago. it's pretty basic. the main point is the dough. i used real new york (yea that's the company name) 100% whole wheat pizza dough, which was 16 points total (could be one point per serving if you slice it right). i found it at whole foods, but trader joe's and mom's probably carry it, too. toppings: pizza sauce with chopped peppers, pesto with ground chicken and shredded part skim mozzarella cheese. instructions: prep dough according to box. top pizza as desired. bake pizza according to box. yields approximately eight servings (or 16 if you want smaller slices). the chicken pesto was about 5.5 points per serving; the pepper was about 3.5 points per serving (i use a lot of cheese)

my notes: be careful when stretching/rolling out the dough; i inadvertently poked holes in mine. N doesn't like peppers so i made 3/4 of the pizza chicken pesto. the pesto was SO good on the dough. unfortunately, i used an entire pound of ground chicken, and the layers didn't stay together very well. next time, i'll probably use sliced grilled chicken (or 1/2 pound of ground)... or go full veggie...

what are your favorite pizza toppings?

inadvertent break

2010-09-07T17:06:00.003-04:00

i missed my official weigh in last week. however, my jeans are loose again so it's not a total wash. i'm gonna attempt to shrink all my jeans in hot hot water cause i'm not in a shopping mood :p there was an incident last sun, which resulted in various appointments over the week. i worked from home tues and wed to make it easier on myself. plus class started on wed so i wasn't really focusing on weighing in midday... then this weekend we spent cleaning at my parents'. mom has finally reached capacity on the junk tolerance scale and is ready to purge. hanging at my parents' means lots of snacking, even though some of it was healthy

in other stuff, i'm going to reconfigure my life to fit in the important stuff. i need to change my habits (school and work habits + health and exercise habits). cross your fingers for me :) i really don't want to continue like this:

**ok it was not that bad, but that's kinda how it felt all week. i exceeded my points :-/ so i'm sure anything i may have lost last week is back this week

2.6 down

2010-08-27T15:28:00.000-04:00

another loss. putting me at almost 55.4 pounds down. which means 12.8 remaining...

TWELVE POINT EIGHT

omg i'm almost done losing! and of course i'm planning to have mcdonald's and wine for dinner lol. i'm being good though! i'm getting a happy meal cause i love those little apple dippers :) cheeseburger + apple dippers with caramel + juice box = 490 cal, 15 fat, 2 fiber (10points). the wine is coming out of my weekly allowance ;)

i would probably write more, but i'm preoccupied with some awesomeness. if you're also following my other blog, you probably saw my gushing over glass yesterday. well that gushing earned me my own invite code! for more info on what glass is and how it works, check out some of their awesome videos. my faves are the new animated video and "run jogger run" :) if you would like to try glass out yourself, my code is "mcschoon" (not case sensitive). good for the first 50 peeps, just click here. i have to go do some happy dancing now (because i feel special and awesome)

happy weekend, everyone!

ps - it won't be this pretty, but i'll be on the beach tomorrow in a bikini. woot!

turning violet

2010-08-23T13:57:00.003-04:00

remember that time i was all 'was i really that fat'? turns out yes, yes i was. i stumbled across my old gw id while i was looking for something else. holy shit! i was so roly poly and that was only four years ago. i don't even know how heavy i was at that point. as proof of my own fat ass im going to put together a collage of my school ids. once i find my hs ones, i'll scan and post them all. seeing is believing, friends

at least i wasn't blue...

2.0 down

2010-08-20T10:45:00.003-04:00

whew headed in the right direction. still not pretending i know what my body is up to; i'm just going to go with it. 15.4 pounds until goal (i'm giving in to the weight watchers hive mind). i won't be ranting today; don't be scared of the change :p not much to say. this week has been fairly easy. training walks and careful planning/tracking have kept me on ball i guess. although, it is a pre-period week, which means bloating, water retention and constant hunger. i don't know why, but i'm ALWAYS hungry during the week before my period. right now, i'm already thinking about scarfing down a few peanut butter sandwiches two hours before lunch even though i ate my usual breakfast. how will i combat this ravenousness? by posting recipes of course :)

stuffed peppers*
5 bell peppers, red and/or yellow
1 cup onions, diced
1 cup zucchini, diced
14 oz canned tomato sauce
2 tbsp grated parmesan cheese
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp black pepper
4 tsp extra virgin olive oil
1 pound extra lean ground beef (at least 93% fat free)
preferred seasoning

preheat oven to 400°F. cut off tops from 4 peppers. remove seeds and set hollow peppers and tops aside. dice remaining bell pepper. combine remaining ingredients, including diced pepper, in a medium bowl. cook beef mixture until almost finished. fill peppers with beef mixture and cover with pepper tops. place in a shallow baking dish and bake until peppers are tender, about 30 minutes.

yields four servings (one pepper for five points). if you have leftover beef, it makes a delicious taco filling

my notes: original recipe called for italian seasoning, which didn't have the right taste to me. i made the beef again using a cayenne pepper mixture i've had for ages. the spice balances nicely with some guacamole and mozzarella cheese. by itself, the beef is one to two points (depending on how big you want your servings), and i use two point (low carb) tortillas

chopped greek salad*

2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 tbsp water
2 tsp lemon zest
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1/4 tsp table salt
1/4 black pepper
3 tbsp fresh dill, chopped
3 tbsp scallions, sliced
1 1/2 cups tomatoes, diced
1 1/2 cups cucumbers, diced
6 cups lettuce, shredded
1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese

whisk together oil, water, lemon zest, lemon juice, salt and pepper in medium bowl. stir in dill and scallions. add tomatoes, cucumber and olives; toss to mix and coat. place 1 1/2 cups of lettuce on each plate. top each with about 3/4 cup of tomato mixture and one tablespoon of feta. spoon any dressing left in bottom of bowl over salads

yields four servings (one salad for three points)

my notes: while it looks yummy, i did not enjoy this salad. the tastes and textures were super unappetizing after the first few bites. i may have used a bit too much dill (it's hard to chop and measure), throwing the balance off. i also prefer creamy vinaigrettes to straight vinaigrette dressing. i have a plan for the remaining dill though :)

*slightly modified weight watchers recipes. i couldn't tell you the calorie, fat, etc breakdown

let me know what you think if you try these. i love getting feedback :)

challenge wk2

2010-08-16T17:41:00.001-04:00

week two? over. challenge? failed... this week it was all about eating more veggies. i planned to make stuffed peppers and greek salad for a couple meals. plus i picked up broccoli and chicken for the weekend. nothing ever really goes according to plan though :p i ended up using the extra stuffing to make tacos a couple times. plus i went to a birthday party on saturday; snacked on veggies and breads with dip. *shrug* it happens. i did manage to learn some things about myself

- i actually don't eat as much pasta and bread as i used to. i LOVE carbs, but i don't down them with every meal. if i do have bread or pasta, i make sure it's low fat and/or whole grain. might as well make a smart choice to satisfy my tummy's desires. i also don't load up on items like i used to. senior year of college, we used to all take turns cooking. somehow, we'd all be thinking alike so each week had similar dishes. spaghetti with meat sauce, baked ziti, goulash, etc. during pasta weeks, we always loaded up on garlic bread. seriously should've bought stock in texas toast :) we easily would go through three boxes every two days. nowadays, i skip the side breads. i never even think about them. this week will probably be a pasta week purely because i have extra beef that needs to get eaten asap. plus i do still have that broccoli and chicken i'll be making for tomorrow

- i reinforced my hate of cooking. i don't mind the prep work (the chopping and measuring), but the actual cooking bores me. by the time i get to it, i'm tired and grouchy. so last week, i made the stuffed peppers in stages. monday, i prepped everything - zuccini, onions, etc. tuesday, i stuffed and baked the peppers. wednesday & friday, i ate them (thursday, i had sushi with the family). similarly, while i cooked the peppers, i prepped the cucumber and such for the greek salad. the salad was not my favorite, but at least i attempted to make and eat something new. overall, i was much less unhappy about cooking. plus i didn't eat so late after hours of prep work (i really don't belong in a kitchen when cookies aren't involved). upside of attempted salad? i discovered a love for fresh dill. i think might whip up a dill dip for this weekend to use the last of it. of course i'll need more veggies then...

so i guess it wasn't a horrible failure overall. i have some new food options and a little food inspiration... pictures and recipes are forthcoming i swear. gotta upload those photos when i get home :) hope you're weekends were good

2.6 up

2010-08-12T14:43:00.000-04:00

seems like the last few weeks finally caught up to me yesterday. knew it was coming, just didn't realize how bad it would be. *shrug* on to the next week. i'm trying to do this week's change it up challenge, but it's soooo hard. i hate veggies, i'm not creative and i'm kinda lazy. monday, i scoured through various weight watchers recipes for stuff a) i would eat and b) i could make. i decided to try their stuffed peppers and greek salad, both of which i modified. instead of using tempeh in the peppers, i used beef. totally not the same thing, but whatever. this girl needs her meats. i bought so much shit at whole foods that night, most of which was to be consumed between two days (cue grumbling from my debit card). monday, i chopped and prepped everything. tuesday, i cooked the peppers. wednesday, i actually ate a pepper (and greek salad). the pepper wasn't half bad. i was a bit concerned that the stuffing would be overcooked (ground beef at 400 degrees for 30 minutes? eep), but it turned out pretty ok. even though i enjoyed the pepper, i enjoyed the extra stuffing wrapped in a tortilla that i devoured on tuesday more. i might whip up some more for taco salads tomorrow (with lettuce, not tortilla chips). the greek salad? not my favorite... actually, i kinda hate it. it looks and smells really good, but it's so not what i want to eat. i'm having another one for lunch as i write this. feta may officially be my least favorite cheese :-/ ....scratch that. tossed the last remains of the salad. i just couldn't do it; my insides are unhappy... i'm going to finally upload pictures this weekend. i'll show you some of the yummy things i've been eating (and the salad), possibly with recipes

and then there was this week's complaint. something i didn't expect and do not like: i can feel my bones. while i'm happy to be losing my love handles, i did not realize how much all over cushioning i would lose. i know this is supposed to be a good thing, but i absolutely can't stand it anymore. i tend to sit in two positions: indian style or on my feet. if i sit the way i want with my feet under my butt, the bone presses against the bones in my feet. it's becoming more and more uncomfortable so i'm fidgety. also i can't put my elbows on my thighs anymore (you know so i can cup my head in my hands all cute like) because it fucking hurts. it reminds me of when my little sister would use me to get off the couch. she'd always jab her bony elbows into my thigh to push herself up. dunno why; she was a very weird/annoying kid. while losing weight and getting healthy are great, i did not sign up for bone on bone action. i wish there were a way to move my belly fat (which is being beyond obstinate) to other areas sans surgery. i need my padding :(

my life is hard. i know :p what are you lamenting this week?

challenge wk1

2010-08-08T23:05:00.007-04:00

well it's the end of the first week. the challenge was to change three workouts. i intended to change when i worked out and to use the wii instead of cardio programs. i accomplished the goal, but not entirely by choice...

monday, i walked before bed instead of first thing in the morning as intended. however, i almost didn't get a walk at all. i woke up feeling horrible. i still have no idea what was wrong, but standing made me dizzy so i spent most of the day lying in bed. because i hate being sick (especially when i can't identify what it is exactly), i mustered up the energy to get on the treadmill. i walked almost five miles, and then decided to reward myself with a hot bath. bad idea. feeling off + not eating after walking + hot bath = me nearly passing out slash almost throwing up. that was awesome

tuesday, i willed myself to work and was mostly fine until the afternoon. i did stick it out, and had every intention of willing myself to do a wii workout when i got home. except i came home to a note (from someone, written on a used envelope - totally professional) stating i couldn't use my bathroom for the next 30 hours. ummm what the fuck?! we do have an extra shower, but i was really not in the mood to lug all my shit upstairs to use it. so i skipped tuesday and wednesday altogether

thursday, i decided i was going to work from home on friday so i pushed off my evening cardio. friday... like the crazy person that i am, i walked over four miles and then played with the wii for 90 minutes. while i felt accomplished, i also felt all sorts of muscle pain. it's been a million years since i've played sword fighting and i forgot how into it i get. plus i think my back muscles haven't been getting enough attention. so on saturday, i was very very sore. though, i still did my training walk about midday. and i'm on the treadmill as i write this, putting in my evening walk.

going in to this week, i think i'm going to start splitting my weekend walks. it's too hard trying to log 10+ miles at once, but i can handle two sets of five - one morning, one evening. as for the wii? i think i'm going to nix the wii sports as a cardio workout. it always puts too much strain on my shoulders and upper arms. i am going to try to do a wii active workout though since that's a but more whole body. as for the muscle pain, i remembered today that i got a new massager. it's heated and was perfect for my back. i think i'm going to use it after every training :)

this week's challenge: for five meals, substitute vegetables for grains and starches. i'm already thinking about making stuffed peppers for dinner; we'll see how that goes :) i need to go to the grocery store anyway so i can get a bunch of stuff for the week. time to get creative in the kitchen (not my strong point heh)

how have y'all been this last week?

0.6 down

2010-08-05T11:28:00.001-04:00

i'm not going to further complain about my week (or, more accurately, the last few months) since you can read that over here. instead i'm just going to say that this loss was not deserved. even though the scale was positive, i do not believe i had a good week. at least i didn't eat a ton of junk. N even invited me to lunch with some old coworkers on saturday. i declined because a) i have little control at cheesecake factory b) i didn't want to spend more money i didn't have and c) it's the only weekend i won't be eating out in two months... because of the lack of workouts this week, i'm going to cram them in after work. i'm going to be so tired, but it's vital that i do something. N and i are having a boozey weekend; plus i might be having birthday brunch with a couple friends

it's going to be another questionable week

(image from country hound)

challenge

2010-08-02T19:49:00.001-04:00

kendra (a new blog find) has posed a challenge to her readers. she's encouraging everyone to change things up for the next four weeks. since i've been in a bit of a funk lately, i'm joining in on the fun. changing things up will not be easy since i'm a creature of habit, but what's the point of a challenge if you aren't challenged?

this week's challenge is to change up three workouts. i admit that i've gotten horrible about my workouts. i walk twice a week and do cardio once a week. however, i'm supposed to be walking four days and doing two cardio workouts. i'm a lump :p

current workout (ideally):
M - (morning) training walk
T - (evening) 30 min turbo jam or rev abs
W - (morning) training walk
Th - (evening) 45 min turbo jam or rev abs
Sa - (morning) training walk
Su - (morning) training walk

**training walks vary based on the susan komen suggested training schedule

i've tried a range of workouts so i'm not going to get too outside my comfort zone with this week's challenge. however, i think i'm going to revisit some old favorites that i dropped in recent months. i love the beachbody workouts, but i think i'm getting a little bored because they're my go to's. so...

new workout (ideally):
M - (evening) training walk
T - (evening) 30 min wii active
W - (morning) training walk
Th - (evening) 45 min wii sports/wii fit
Sa - (morning) training walk
Su - (evening) training walk

i realize it's not the most creative switch in the world (mornings to evenings? meh), but i'm hoping it helps. part of my problem is scheduling. this gives me a little less worry about squeezing in workouts before work... i was going to implement this new plan tomorrow because i haven't been feeling well today. however, i'm starting to get more annoyed with myself for not walking at all this weekend.annoyance > illness so i think i'm going to force myself on to the treadmill and then take a nice long bath. to the treadmill!

ps - if you have questions or want to order turbo jam and/or rev abs, contact christina. she's a beachbody coach and a total doll

1.0 down

2010-07-29T11:55:00.001-04:00

"Scale"
If I could only see the scale,
I'm sure that it would state
That I've lost ounces... maybe pounds
Or even tons of weight.
"You'd better eat some pancakes--
You're skinny as a rail."
I'm sure that's what the scale would say...
If I could see the scale.
i love shel silverstein :)

it was pointed out to me that, in the last nine weeks, i have had a loss every week except one. how ridiculous is that?! i'm still shocked. my natural inclination is to not believe the positive, but it's true. it's evidenced in my book, and i don't argue with scientific evidence. i really don't have much input beyond that...

i'm making pizza again this weekend. this time with beef perhaps (i bought three lbs at whole foods because it was on sale lol). i might even post the very very easy recipes next week. granted it's not necessarily about how to make a pizza, but what yummy healthy ingredients you throw on your pizza :) until then tata

thoughts

2010-07-27T17:56:00.002-04:00

it's been an interesting last few days...

- i have a nasty headache right now, and i think it's caused by two things: annoyance and a lack of water. i finally got water about 15min ago, but still haven't had a sip. sometimes i just can't make myself drink it :p

- i'm wearing my size 10s today. i wore them yesterday and saturday, too. don't judge me for rewearing my pants; they're the cleanest jeans i have that fit me. i was super excited wearing them out in public for the first time on saturday. it was for a special occasion

- yesterday i bought new jeans and a new sundress (plus baby clothes for ms ZHF who hasn't yet introduced herself to the world) from old navy. 30% off plus free shipping make me happy. buying a size that i never thought i'd fit into makes me even happier

- i managed not to go too overboard over the weekend away. saturday we had yummy barbeque for dinner. unfortunately, in my starved condition, i forgot to snap a picture of my delicious chicken burrito. plus i held myself to two beers at #helloSAL. i had oatmeal for breakfast at the hotel. we ended up at a small bar for lunch so i had chicken tenders with a few fries and a mozzarella stick

- i need to walk when i get home. it's gonna be a long night because i'm definitely going to set myself at a slower pace. not in the mood to psuedo run

- i managed to rope in a few more komen donations in the last couple weeks, including one from regretsy! hell yea you read that right. she's a doll and a half

- i'd love to have an item 7, but this headache is distracting me far too much. time to head home to lay down for a minute before my walk. weigh in is tomorrow dun dun dun.... oh and i just drank some water. i feel slightly less hurty

2.2 down

2010-07-22T12:32:00.000-04:00

well ladies (and gentleman) i've hit another major milestone. HUGE loss this week *squee*, which puts me at 51.8 lbs gone since starting weight watchers. i totally didn't think i would hit it this week. with my period starting next week, i anticipated being waterlogged and what not. but nope :D i got a 50 lb charm and magnet (and a ton of bravos lol) at last night's meeting. unfortunately, S wasn't there; that other woman was subbing again so she got to celebrate the accomplishment. i was not pleased, but oh well. S will be all over it next week :) (a week i'll probably gain lol)

so with this loss, i am 14.4 lbs away from my personal goal and 16.4 away from my max BMI. though, i don't give a shit about the BMI. why? because i'm not an unhealthy lardass uncapable of getting out of my home without the assistance of a forklift. i know that's harsh, but i have VERY little sympathy for individuals who let themselves get outrageously overweight because they prefer eating to living. if you have a compulsive drive to overeat, you need to see a fucking therapist. i understand when genetics are not in your favor, if you are put on bed rest for a medical condition (weighing 1000 pounds was NOT your medical condition) or if you've somehow managed to ingest a tapeworm. i do not support your suicide by food. i have been extremely fortunate so i know i'm talking from my high horse. but i'm gonna do it anyway cause i'm the bitch of this blog :p my father has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. my mother is diabetic (type II). both sides of my family are prone to cancers of several types. i do not need to add to my own situation by not taking care of myself. yes, i managed to make it to 196 before i decided to take control, but i took control. i have avoided my family's health history, and i plan to keep doing so for as long as i can. this, to me, does not inherently include landing smack dab in the middle of the "healthy" BMI scale. i have managed to lose a lot of fat along this crazy trip, but i also tend to put on muscle fairly well, mostly in my legs. when i get on the scale at weight watchers, it provides a total number of poundage. it does not breakdown how much of that is fat, muscle and bone. i will never be 125 pounds of pure muscle, but i'm also not going to be 125 pounds of pure fat. so i think it's a bit unfair that i have to hit an exact number based on BMI when they aren't even measuring body make up

of course this rant means nothing to weight watchers because they're taking the easiest route to define goals for a large population. i get that. i just wish it didn't require extra effort on my part to prove what is healthy for me. i may be one of a million, but i'm still an individual... i'm still debating what i will do when i reach my goal. i know i'm going to need the continual support starting out, but... i don't want to pay for it and i don't want to have to fight a bitch to get what i want. i know what they'll ask me to do, but i think it's stupid and unnecessary. medical issues didn't bring me to weight watchers so i don't think it's fair that i need a doctor's note to officially terminate my financial relationship

...now that i've turned this celebration into an angerball ramble, i'm gonna go stare at wedding dresses and engagement rings. i'm helping someone plan a proposal (it's hilarious because the couple are complete strangers to me :)), and now i'm all swoony for weddings

0.4 down

2010-07-18T09:50:00.000-04:00

woo, a loss! it was another week of gorging myself on things i shouldn't be overindulging in... but that are supremely delicious... so i was expecting a gain. looks like next week will be my up week. it's the beginning of my cycle, and i retain water like a camel. although, i think my body's been freaking out cause off birth control, my period would've been this week. now that i'm back on, i'm getting back on my old schedule :p last week, i was bloated; this week, i'm irritable. next week, i'll probably be crampy as hell... but enough about my womanly woes

i have pictures to share! not the most exciting thing in the world, but i did say i was going to do it... for the two weeks i managed to take pictures, here's what i ate:

not much variety lol. i'm a creature of habit (and my mother's daughter). we like what we like, and we don't feel the need to deviate. the other thing i wanted to share...

those are SIZE 10! remember how i exchanged a pair of jeans because they were already too big after two weeks? well those are the 10s i got, and they almost fit :D if it weren't for the blatant muffin tops, i would've worn them to work on wed. maybe in two more weeks? it was another "omg is that really my body??? woot!" week. granted, i still have these rather obvious child bearing hips. hence, why i'm still so wide in those pictures. funny thing how i never knew it because of my fatty outer shell. i also realized i actually have my mom's bone structure. i usually attribute my traits (physical and otherwise) to the old man. turns out, i get a lot from my mom... still have my dad's tiny ass feet though

2.0 down

2010-07-12T16:33:00.000-04:00

um... wow. seems i left y'all dangling for a bit. sorry. it's been a crazy couple of weeks. i spent the 4th at J's so i cooked as much as possible, but slacked on my training walks. as of this morning, i am working to get back in the swing of things. this is my last week of class so that's one less distraction/excuse to worry about. then for the next six weeks, i'll have time to train without feeling guilty about not doing school work. october is approaching fast so i don't want to skip too many more trainings, especially the long trainings. i was supposed to walk 17 miles this weekend, and i didn't walk at all :(

i constantly feel like a big puddle of fail between school, working and training. can't wait til things settle down a smidge (only to pick back up sooner than i'd like)... granted this sour mood could also be related to the weather. rainy days make me sleepy/irritable. perhaps some tea and comfy pjs will boost my mood when i get home

1.2 up

2010-07-01T12:41:00.000-04:00

this is going to be the quickest post ever... i ate out a shit ton and didn't have enough activity points to compensate. i believe i was 6 points in the red at the end of the week... food pictures coming eventually :) happy thursday everyone and happy early fourth!

(does this look totally fallic to anyone else? just me? ok :))

1.6 down

2010-06-23T22:42:00.002-04:00

quick bulletted list because i should be studying instead of blogging...

- i'm truly amazed that i lost this week. normally, the week before or the week of my period, i have a one(ish) pound gain. i managed to beat my uterus this month, i guess

- i'm doing pretty well with my "pay myself to work out" plan. since starting, i've clocked 915 min of komen training, 187 min of cross training and 478 minutes of miscellaneous activities (like walking to class or taking out the trash). as of today, i've awarded myself over $74 and lost 6.4 pounds. after saturday, i'll be at almost $86 extra put towards my savings goals

- the $25/week grocery challenge is super hard, and i'm already wanting to call it quits. mostly because i was out of food at the start, and $25 was not nearly enough to get much of what i wanted (like that starbucks ice cream for which i had a coupon). chicken and green beans are on sale at whole foods so i might pick up some of both for next week. plus mom and i are going to hit the fort commissary on friday (my dad's a veteran so she gets base access as a spouse). not sure how else i'll survive the next few weeks of this without overspending

...yea, that's pretty much everything. hope y'all are having good weeks :)

2.2 down

2010-06-18T17:33:00.001-04:00

and i'm feeling pretty damn good about that :) i am officially over the 45lb mark, which is RIDICULOUS. almost a fourth of me is gone! between my komen training and parsing out my extra points, i'm doing well without trying very hard. i'll probably be up next week (thanks, uterus and fun weekend plans), but it should only be about a pound. the other thing is i've dropped into another weight bracket. i lost another point (must eat more veggies must eat more veggies must eat...), and am one bracket away from my goal bracket. 19.4 to go until goal! i need to remember to talk to S before or after the meeting next week. it's the last step in making it all really real in terms of weight watchers :)

here are some other random things from my week...

- i'm thinking about taking photos of what i eat. partly because this will be an eating out intensive week; partly because some of what i eat is so damned delicious looking (and tasting). photo journaling adds an extra layer of accountability that i might need in the upcoming days. although, i wish i'd started on wednesday. mom and i went to chili's after the meeting, and they have a new guacamole recipe that was super yum. i didn't even mind that it had corn all up in it (and i HATE corn). i also tried the new skinny margarita (100 calories, sugar free mix), which went very nicely with my chicken fajitas

- i signed up to participate in a grocery challenge/giveaway. allyou.com is hosting the challenge, which will run for a month. i got a reminder email about it today. the official first day is sunday, and i've already started figuring out how to get more for less. first (no brainer) is coupons out the ass. i signed up with coupons.com and redplum.com so i don't have to keep stealing my mom's coupons. it's a bit sucky because so far 90% of the coupons are for things i don't buy, but i'm still holding out hope i'll find them useful. if not, oh well. not like the sites cost me anything :p the other piece i'm focusing on is sucking it up on buying store brands instead of my favorite name brands. i will never compromise on peanut butter and milk, but i don't really need to have the fancy schmancy name on a lot of other stuff... it's kind of convenient that this challenge is starting next week cause i'm way low on food. gonna make a list tomorrow, and shop on sunday. i doubt i'll win (prize: $1000 grocery card), but i like being challenged to pay more attention to my foods and spending

- shayna over at life forward wrote a post that got me thinking about my weight loss in a different way. it's odd that i wax and wane in my acceptance of what i do. this week, i feel in control of my health and my body. in responding to her post, i realized that i actually took more control than i was thinking. "the best part of the last year is finding something that works and realizing i determine how i want to live. i'm not too lazy or busy to be healthy" i said that. i meant it. no matter how tired, overwhelmed or disinterested i am, i can change my life. i have changed my life. i know my consistency is crap, but even those little set backs can't negate the accomplishment of the last 14 months of my life. 46.8 pounds - i did this! without starving myself or killing myself at the gym. i didn't do it completely alone because i have all of you pushing me forward, picking my ass up when i stumble and generally supporting me. so really, we did it :) thanks for all the support, blog friends

0.2 down

2010-06-14T17:53:00.000-04:00

sorry for being a bit absent last week. i've been busy/exhausted/unmotivated to blog. it was weird, but i'm back :)

so this loss wasn't huge, but it was good. i'm still sticking to the komen training plan fairly well. i have to thank my awesome new shoes for that. i have had them for a couple weeks, and they're getting good use. i only wear them for trainings cause i don't want to wear them down too much. but i think they're well broken in at this point. they were a bit tight at the ankles (causing blisters), but now they're super comfy. just in case, i bought bandaids to protect the areas prone to blistering - back of my ankles and bottoms of my little toes. the last thing i need is a new sports bra cause the ladies have a bit too much jiggle for my liking at the moment. thanks to britt, i'll probably be getting a bra (or two) from title nine in the near future :)

even without the boob immobilizer, i survived my first outdoor training walk. i've only been walking on the treadmill at home because our community is not that large. i walked outside twice (before my new shoes came in), and reached where the side walk ends. there and back was slightly over three miles, and we're starting to get into the over five mile walks. plus my old shoes are "recovery" shoes with no backs. i've had them for around four years so theyre majorly worn down and rub my heels far too much for these trainings. i was at J's for the weekend and decided i was still going to get my training in. i was there the weekend before too, but i didn't do much of anything. it kinda helped that he was working the whole weekend so i couldn't use him as an excuse :p saturday was a seven mile day; sunday was a six mile day (i skipped it). i checked google maps to determine how far down i'd have to walk before turning around. unfortunately, my pedometer disagreed so i walked farther to close the gap between the two distance calculations. fun thing though: i found a community pool lol. really wish i'd brought my suit cause saturday afternoon was perfect for lounging by a pool... but whatever. i had to take two breaks on the way back because i was starting to get exhausted... plus i was super parched... then my ipod died. so i had to walk the last two miles listening to just the traffic passing by me. not having any sort of distraction made it that much more excruciating. somehow i made it home without collapsing or getting hit by a pickup truck (or kidnapped). i promptly took a nap under the a/c when i got back. when i woke up, i was completely unmotivated to go through with the rest of my plans for the day. i did manage to eventually shower, get to the grocery store and make dinner

speaking of groceries and dinner, i did some mad planning for my weekend with J. i took the opportunity to maximize on his limited cooking resources, and made two quite yummy dinners. i did forget my griddle so my pancakes breakfast on saturday didn't go as well as i would've liked. he still enjoyed his blueberry pancake rollup made on the foreman grill :p breakfast on sunday was a no go since he had to get up early and we stayed up saturday talking. still had dinner. i stopped at whole foods after work friday to get the essential organic/healthy stuff i wanted: salmon burgers (on sale woot!) for saturday and chicken breast for sunday. he enjoyed all of it (especially the whole foods cornbread lol). as much as i hate cooking in general, i'm starting to like cooking for him. nothing like a happy belly to boost your culinary confidence. also, because i cooked, i didn't need all of my weekly points to cover the weekend like i did the week before (cook outs are just too yummy). i earned 10 activity points and i have 22 weekly points to last me today and tomorrow. not sure if it'll show on the scale, but i'm feeling pretty good today. my calves are still killing me, i'm a smidge too tired and at this exact moment i'm thinking about eating several gigantic wraps for dinner... BUT i've accomplished some really good things in the last week. here's to keeping it up :)

1.2 down

2010-06-03T11:47:00.001-04:00

well i didn't quite find all my motivation, but i got my ass out of bed this morning to walk. i'm officially walking a 20 minute mile; i can typically do a 15 minute mile on the elliptical so i'm quite pleased with myself today. N and i even had a cheery exchange this morning, which is so bizarre. we are NOT morning people so we tend to converse in neanderthal grunts. so yea, i've walked 10.41 miles this week... wow! i hadn't totaled that til just now, and it's not too shabby. having skipped once in four days, i'm feeling pretty good :) i need to check the training schedule though cause i think i'm supposed to be closer to 12 miles already. no big though; i can start exactly on track next week. i know part of my issue is sleeping (if i don't go to bed around 10, i'm useless in the mornings until 830 and i need to be at work by 9/930). so i'm gonna double team my system: bedtime at 10pm and workout time at 7am. must stick to schedule must stick to schedule...

on the weight loss, i once again have no idea. my body makes less sense to me these days so i'm just going to keep doing what i'm doing. my pants fit great (so close to those 10s), and i'm getting compliments left and right. one of my favorite employees (which is a short list these days) was in our office yesterday. he asked me a question over IM, and then scared the shit out of me cause i didn't know he was in annapolis. i already thought he was a sweetheart, but then he commented on how great i look, asked what i've been doing, how much i've lost, etc. he's trying to lose a few pounds himself, but said he doesn't have the discipline for weight watchers. it isn't necessarily for everyone, but i love the fact it's working for me. so i felt a bit better all around after that brief conversation. plus you just can't not smile with him around, which aids in the mood boosting. right after he visited my little cube, i stopped being inundated with stupid emails/calls. it was amazing and a wee creepy. i'm hoping it was just the universe giving me a break so i didn't try to papercut myself to death :p

after surviving another work day, i rolled off to my meeting. ugh i wish i'd skipped it though. we had a substitute for our substitute. K is taking a break because her life was getting a bit overwhelming so S is temporarily leading. they both have a lot of energy and a natural ability to get us all energized. last night, S was helping with some bar mitzvah prep so MA stood in for her. she was... not good. she was your typical middle aged annapolis woman, with her power suit and her diamond rings (she was wearing four!). and she asked questions in that "i don't really want an answer, i just want to tell you what i think" kind of way. it was like being lectured for half an hour. plus some of what she said wasn't 100% accurate, which pissed me off immensely. everyone seemed kinda dead until we started the celebrations (two women had huge loses and my mom's friend hit her first 5% goal). i spent the whole time checking my twitter, and praying for it to be over. wasn't sure which would be ruder: leaving early or ignoring her. they're probably equally rude, but i really don't care. i can't wait to have crazy S back next week; her positivity is contagious sometimes. plus i want to share with her my walking success. it's come up a few times how difficult it can be for me to "squeeze in" activity. this week is shaping up to be a win, and i know she'll share in my happy, too :)

come and gone

2010-06-01T09:49:00.002-04:00

my motivation... as usual, i had high expectations for this weekend. eating right, working out and doing homework. yup; totally on it... homework was a definite bust. i only read about 10 pages of the eight chapters i was planning to do. that seems like a ton, but i had three days with little to do. working out went ok. i went out saturday and sunday so there was a bit of walking, and i did almost four miles on the treadmill yesterday. i was going to walk this morning, but i was a wee bit tired. i decided to stay up til 130 playing some silly online puzzle game. oops... eating went better than i could've imagined. the last few cook outs with my family have been less than stellar. i always eat a million more points than i intend to (damn utz potato chips), and can never make up the deficit. i didn't have a full fledged eating plan, which actually worked better for me than my usual mapped out four day guide to not shoving copious amounts of junk in my face (yep, that's the whole name of the plan :p).

saturday, i had drinks with jess for her birthday at lucky bar. i decided ahead of time what i wanted (beers and chicken tenders) so i knew how many weekly points i would use. i put down for two beers, chicken tenders and a handful of fries because when there are beers, i always want something fried in my belly. i ended up only having one beer and three waters the entire time i was out. that's what happens when i actually engage in conversation instead of being the creepy quiet kid listening in. i ate all my daily points, and only needed one of my weekly... sunday, N and i went to see sex and the city 2, which means dinner out and drinks at the theater. again, i gave myself a few from the weekly to cover the dinner and drinks. turns out, i almost didn't need those extra points for dinner. if i hadn't ordered dessert, i would have been exactly on my daily target. that includes eating my entire appetizer and entree with two martinis on the side. N and i split a chocolate souffle, which helped keep my points down for the evening... and yesterday, i actually found the motivation to walk. i've been really lax about my komen training the last few weeks. since my new walking shoes and sweat wicking socks came in last week, i figured it was time to start breaking them in. so i hopped on the treadmill with my laptop (not easy since there's no lip on the console), and walked. i was able to read a good chunk of my fave blogs while walking for two hours. unfortunately, the treadmill seems to cut you off after two hours so i ended up with 3.91 miles total. i need to ramp up the speed a bit next time i think. further upside, that two hours earned me an extra four points. so i gave myself 34 points to eat the rest of the day. seems like a shit ton, but my mom always makes too much food, which i am all too happy to eat. funny thing how i almost didn't need all those extras. i could've stopped eating at any point, been full and close to my daily target. i ate all my favorite foods, including those devil chips, and only ate an extra three over what i was allowing myself. i still have nine weekly points remaining, and today is the last day of my eating week

i won't lie; part of my eating success is because i had late/low point breakfasts all weekend. i just wasn't hungry so i ate less, and i didn't eat in the first (three) hour(s) that i was awake. something about weekends shuts down my hunger... eating later meant that i wasn't as hungry when "dinner" rolled around so eating smaller (well... correct) portions filled me nicely. yesterday was the only day i kinda cheated. i had mini cookies for breakfast (only 1/3 of a serving) because i didn't feel like making anything. i didn't eat immediately after getting off the treadmill because i stopped being hungry about 10 minutes beforehand. i wasn't ravenous the whole time; it was about a 15 minute period towards the end. two hours later, i was downing an extra lean burger so it was all good in my book

last night, i told myself i was gonna get up at 7am to walk again. what did i do? slept til 8ish, and i'm still sitting here in my pjs at almost 10am. oh well. i'll walk after work instead since this morning was a bust. i would rather walk in the mornings to get it out of the way, but it's going to take a bit more effort to stay on ball. perhaps tomorrow will go a bit better; it's my late day so i have an extra hour at home to do whatever i need

how did y'all survive the holiday?

1.2 up

2010-05-27T12:23:00.001-04:00

i gained this week, and i'm feeling guilty. i try to stick with the workouts, but now a single day off can sidetrack me. i'm really excited that my new balance stuff came in for the komen walk, which included a pedometer. i'm wearing it now, and i've already take over 100 steps in two hours. unfortunately, the sensitivity was too high so every time i shifted in my chair it counted a step. i don't think i'm going to track today's steps simply because i know the data's skewed. plus i want to get an idea of how many steps i tend to take in a day. then i'll set myself a daily goal for office days and home days

*sigh* i'm super bummed about this week, which is pummeling my motivation that much more. but i won't bring you down with my boo posts. maybe i'll find my motivation tomorrow

starving to death

2010-05-25T10:59:00.001-04:00

well... not really... i just can't stop thinking about food at the moment. i made cinnamon rolls over the weekend (pillsbury reduced fat), and ate the last one for breakfast today. it's the same breakfast i had yesterday, and i didn't learn my lesson. it's simply not filling enough on it's own. it's a waste of three points. i could've had cereal for the same amount instead of that sugary lump of yum. not to say the cereal isn't yummy; i wanted to finish the rolls without scarfing down a ton of other crap with it. i was gonna make myself some tea to stave off the hunger, but i forgot to bring more packets from home. should've grabbed those last night

bah. i am failing at food today. so i'm going to have to distract myself until 1230. i have a couple work tasks and some personal stuff to handle i guess. fingers crossed that it takes my mind off my achy tummy...

on another note, i adjusted my self challenge. i noticed that i was being a bit hard on myself about eating out so i changed how i calculated that penalty. plus it makes more sense for how i manage the "not eating out this week" bonus. not really sure what i was thinking before... also popped in revabs last night, and did an entire hour (two workouts). it's been about two weeks since the last time so i think it's why i'm a bit tired this morning. however, i'm not in much pain. i feel it a little bit in my shoulders/neck if i'm not sitting up straight. i guess this will force me to work on my posture, too. i've gotten really bad after all these office jobs

*sigh* i should probably get to work. otherwise, i will continue to think about eating this:

someone submitted it to this is why you're fat for a reason ;)

2.8 down

2010-05-20T14:04:00.003-04:00

i was so focused on doing actual work today, i almost forgot to post. silly me :)

so look at that exciting number. i'm at almost 45 pounds down since last year. i'm 1.4 away from my interim goal and 21.4 from the ultimate number. how crazy is that??? i promptly celebrated last night with too many potato chips and a glass of wine. oops lol... i'm feeling energized again (i'm getting a hold on work, the weather is beautiful and i took a leap towards my goal) so there might be some working out tonight. i might even talk N in to assembling the treadmill... there's a few more hours left in my day so we'll see if i can keep the positivity on the front bunner

in other things, i realized yesterday that i buttoned a new button on my shirt. i'd done it last week, too, but didn't notice. being a busty girl, i've always worn my clothes a certain way. buttoned under the bust and over the belly, untucked because tucking is for dorks. well when the belly got bigger, i only buttoned two because the third wouldn't stay. i'm now buttoning all three again! not the most exciting news, but still something good. i know i've been talking about my clothes a lot lately. i just can't help it. it's the first change i seem to notice, and the easiest to focus on when thinking of non-scale victories

so... yea. good week for me. has it been a good week for you? :)

ps - tuesday was my blogaversary, and i forgot oops. happy anniversary to me :p

2010-05-18T16:21:00.000-04:00

after reading this post, i'm feeling a bit more positive about my body today. this week has been very lax. i worked out wed... and not a day since. oops

i've just not been in the mood (crabby, tired, etc) or not home. saturday was my baby brother's birthday. i call him my baby brother because if i say my 23 year old brother, i feel like an old lady. we went out for dinner (brian boru again cause we love them); i had a spinach salad with a crab cake and fries with vinegar. i scratched the fried potato itch while sharing with mom and the boy. plus mom got cupcakes instead of cake cake, which were yummy and slightly less point stealing. i managed not to over do it too much until mom whipped out the popcorn. thank god she got the butterless kind, which were about half the points as its more delicious counterpart

sunday was the first cookout. i can't tell you how excited i was; grilling is probably my most loved aspect of the summer. mom made burgers, sausages, hot dogs and fruit salad. no grilled veggies this time round, but i'll make sure we get some next time. i had a sausage and two burgers with chips and fruit salad. i hadn't eaten much earlier in the day (wasn't really hungry for breakfast) so the day wasn't as bad as it could've been. yesterday, i was right on target, and i should be again today...

i had all the best intentions to work out to counterbalance the additional eating. obviously, i did not follow through. i haven't even done my komen training this week :( i don't know where this inconsistency came from... actually, i don't know where my motivation went. i was rocking the regular workouts last fall, but i've been behind the curve all spring. N even bought a treadmill so we could walk at home when it's gross outside or super late/early in the day. we've yet to set it up. it requires two people, and i haven't felt up to doing it when i'm at home. i know i won't want to do it today either. i'm still grouchy, achy and tired. tonight's agenda includes eating soup and drinking tea (maybe wine) while reading a book. that is all. i just need it

but seriously. i'm feeling less crappy/guilty about not working out this week because it's not all about changing the numbers. i'm changing how i think about my body, food and weight loss. my life is not dictated by the scale. i have a goal weight, but it's not the only goal. people keep asking me if i feel different (in terms of physical health and such). the answer: no. my body feels the same it always did; my health is the same as it always was. i don't have more energy, i don't sleep better and i don't have reduced cravings. however, my mentality has changed. those little perks boost me a little bit more than the numbers on the scale. on good days, i'm more confident and (almost) peppy. i rarely have that urge to completely give up because i've sabotaged myself again. i'm genuinely happy that i'm doing this, and i believe that i can reach my grand goal of being a skinny fucking bitch

;)

0.2 down

2010-05-14T16:13:00.000-04:00

headed in the right direction :) and people around the office are starting to notice. it's both exciting and upsetting

i love it when people compliment me on my weight loss. i actually ran into a woman from our legal department today who asked what i'd been doing. so i gave her the weight watchers' party line. love this program, and it works really well for me so why not promote it. i still think it's the best program of the bunch, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks :p

the strange thing though is i also hate the fact that people notice and are super excited for me. i sometimes think about asking them how bad i was before. it's one thing for me to say to people "i've been trying to lose weight, and it's going really well". it's another for people to come up out of nowhere with "oh my god! have you lost weight? you look great!" cause i'm starting to think i was an even bigger fatty than i thought. a fatty who didn't hid her fatty-ness as well in her clearly ill fitting office attire. i don't know if it's entirely because i've lost weight, because my clothes are loose or a combination of both. today is particularly annoying because i'm wearing a top that's designed to be looser fitting. this is it's first trip out of the bag, and it was hard to get dressed. i wanted to wear capris, but they didn't look quite right. capris said business; top said margaritas. so i put on jeans. but i still don't think it quite works. the top's almost long enough to be worn as a dress so i think it'd go better with leggings. which i don't wear cause i hate them; these thighs were not meant for them :p so it's a bit of a dilemma. i really really like the color. just not loving the fit. it gets to stay though cause i think it'd make a great maternity top in the future. yea, i actually think about that. why buy a whole new wardrobe when i can get away with wearing my "fat clothes" for a few pregnancy months? cost effective, no?

eh. i'm only slightly ridiculous... it's not like people are being malicious or anything. so perhaps i should stop being a grouch about it. i'll work on accepting the compliments for what they are. it's not even about looking thinner so it shouldn't matter if i'm validated or not. i'm trying to get healthier, and fitting in to smaller jeans should be just a happy side effect :)

it's in the jeans

2010-05-12T17:50:00.001-04:00

well i had pretty high hopes for last week. i didn't accomplish some of it, but it was still a good week. got in three walks, ate out four times (oops) and snuggled on the couch for 10 hours straight. my finals are over so i'm feeling more relaxed about life, too. i think i'll have a loss today, but i'm not stressing about whether it's big or small. i'm having a bit of an NSV moment: the jeans i bought two weeks ago are sagging already. granted, i was a bit bloated when i bought them. but i wasn't THAT bloated. it sucks a bit cause i just bought them, but i'm going to exchange them tomorrow for a smaller size

oh dear lord. SMALLER SIZE

some days it really freaks me out how much weight i've lost. i know i'm not down another size yet, but i'm going to get them anyway. i didn't like the skinny 12s i tried on the other day and i'll be damned if i let my discount go to waste (jeans were 30% off that weekend). size 10s, i'm coming for you!

0.4 down

2010-05-06T16:07:00.011-04:00

that's my weight update for the last two weeks; i knew last week was no good. this week is starting on the semi-good side. N made tacos and margaritas for dinner last night (yay celebrating holidays of other cultures!) so i ate a little extra. today, i am only half a point over. i'm going out to recelebrate since MM was studying last night; plus her semester will be officially over after 7pm tonight. i've already checked the menu from where we're going (thank you, zen west) and decided on what i'm eating (chicken quesadilla with a small order of guacamole). i will not be drinking tonight because i might be drinking tomorrow. the boyfriend is coming down for the weekend and wants to watch the celtics game. since i just cancelled my cable service, we no longer get fancy channels like TNT or ESPN. so there is a strong chance we'll end up at rams head for the evening. in which case, i'll be having a fordham light and crab dip. saturday should be fairly light since we're not going anywhere. gonna finish up the avatar: last airbender marathon with C-141's. then sunday is mom's day brunch at brian boru. i've already chosen my food items, leaving me three points for dinner lol. it's a lot of eating (three times out!) BUT my plan is to also get a lot of activity

i walked this morning as part of my komen training. unfortunately, i deviated from the route i originally planned to walk so i was short 0.6 miles. at least there's tomorrow :) i'm also going to try to squeeze in a revabs workout before J gets in. i think i'll have just enough time to do it after dinner. tomorrow morning, i'm going to get up for another 7am walk, sticking to the correct route. plus i'm only working a half day so there will potentially be some turbo jamming in the afternoon. saturday i have a four mile walk; sunday i have a three milk walk. both will get done along with the scheduled laziness/brunch. mixed in will be some non-standard workouts. it's ok if you're mind is in the gutter; you're in good company ;) i also psuedo challenged J to wii table tennis so lots of fun should be had by all... it's going to be a crazy weekend but i'm planning ahead to keep on track. get your fingers crossed for losses next week :)

bye week

2010-05-03T01:13:00.000-04:00

i decided not to weighing in on wednesday. i ate far too much last week, and i'd rather not know the damage. so i started a new week with a clean slate, and i'm taking it from the top. i planned ahead to avoid some of the issues of last weekend. thursday, i put in everything i wanted to eat through today, making adjustments as needed. and i've managed to eat within my points each day since :) today we're having dinner with N's parents. steaks and grilled veggies are on the menu, and i'm super excited. i popped those into the system, and i still have 2 daily and 34 weekly points left. monday and tuesday should be good regardless because whatever i eat will still be within my weekly limits. that's been my biggest problem the last few weeks. i always eat far too much and have to make up the difference at the last minute. it sucks, and it's dumb. i should know better, but i've gotten food lazy. part of my new plan also relates to my current budget. this week is little grocery week so i need to figure out what i want before wednesday. then i need to pare down to what i need for the week. the goal is not to spend any more than $10 on essentials. unfortunately, i might have to adjust that limit down this week since i was over budget last week. shouldn't be too hard though since i think i only need milk and strawberries (love me some strawberries)

speaking of monies, i finally mapped out my bonus plan for my little self challenge. i started a few savings accounts over at smartypig a couple weeks ago so i have three goals to work towards. since these are bonuses to help me get to my goals faster, the amounts are low. the current plan encompasses a few different things: general working out, training for the komen walk and eating out. general working out includes the wii, turbo jam and revabs (which i did for the first time today. awesome!). komen training is a LOT of walking. there's also a miscellaneous category to include my walks to class, chores around the house and such. the eating out could be hard so i have a reward and penalty based on how i do each week. i decided to start the challenge with my new slate instead of waiting til the new month. so far i have one workout and one dinner out noted, which already puts me in the hole lol. my hope is that by the end of the month, i'll have a good routine that'll get me earning more than i'm losing :)

how do you challenge yourself?

1.0 up

2010-04-22T13:43:00.001-04:00

the weight watchers scale says i gained a pound since last week... the wii balance board says i've lost over three pounds since tuesday night... which do i trust?

eh, don't care. i had a moment this morning... occasionally, i stare at myself in the mirror, before or after a shower, just because. sometimes i glare at my flaws, sometimes i admire little bits, sometimes i'm just looking for signs of my lady beard. well today, i was stretching in the bathroom to wake myself up a bit. i just happened to be standing so that my profile was reflected in the mirror, and i noticed something...

my tummy is flatter. when the fuck did that happen?!

if you can't tell, i was extremely surprised by this because i don't see it happening. i live with this body every day so the subtle changes go unnoticed. i have to rely on the way my clothes fit and comments from people i see rarely. no offense to the people who see me regularly, but in my head, you see what i see and the subtle isn't obvious. if i point something out, N's always the first one to shower me with praise (and jealousy) because we live together. but i'm seeing my girls this weekend, and i'm more excited to hear what they have to say. it's just one of those things... N and i talk about this issue all the time, and i always say that the image in his head, of himself, is not what i see. he says basically the same thing to me; i don't think either of us really believes it though. we identify ourselves as those cake loving fat kids from high school no matter how our weight changes. so while the numbers get *fingers crossed* smaller, my self image is still rather rotund

sometimes i think about taking actual measurements of my "problem" areas, but that would be a little overwhelming for me. i'm just not one of those people. i might take occasional (read: biannual) measurements, but not really to track. it'd be more like "huh look at this interesting bit of info"... today's little moment is definitely a motivator to keep at it. i'm 20 pounds away from my goal and devising a plan to get there

i also wanted to note something, little blog. i've reached a few milestones this week, and another one is coming up. i joined weight watchers on april 19th, i attended my first meeting as a member on april 22nd, and i started this blog on may 18th. it all kind of snuck up on me so i don't have anything special planned for my anniversary(ies). sorry, folks, no giveaways here ;). i don't even have a take home snippet to this post... at least not one that's oprah-level motivation... i've lost 41.4 pounds in 52 weeks. it's taken a lot to get here, and i have to remind myself constantly that i can keep doing it. moments like this make it easier, and i know that i can make it to the end regardless of how long it takes me